Knocking Yourself Up

As a young woman building a life for myself, I know I want to have a family someday. If I don't have a child by the time I'm 35 I???ve always planned on adopting. I never really considered being a single mom by choice, but I think I would do better on my own than with some of the men I have dated recently. I'm not going to settle and be with a man just so I'm not alone. I want to be with somebody for the right reasons. If for whatever reason I don???t have a man in my life when I hit 34 (I turned 28 earlier this year), I might just consider having a freezer pop baby. As far as I'm concerned, no person on this planet has any room to judge me or any other woman for the choices we make. There are children in two parent households who end up murdering their classmates, so where exactly is this decay occurring in society???s social fabric? It's not happening in one place alone, and it comes down to the positive influences in a person's life. I know who I am and what I have to offer to the world. My child (or children if I so choose to have more than one flavor of freezer pop baby) will be just as loved as any other kid on this planet and will be just was appreciated and successful when it???s all said and done. So what I choose to do is up to me, and anybody who doesn???t like it can chew on it during their sewing circle or bible study or wherever it is the narrow-minded, judgmental, ignorant, know-it-alls of the world hang out these days.

I became pregnant at 40 and have a beautiful daughter who is almost 1. Her father and I are together, but with the lack of help he provides and stress he creates in my life, I often wish that we were on our own. Having a man around does not mean raising a child will be easier or things will turn out better. This pregnancy was not intended, bit I feel I did the "unselfish" thing by having and raising this child.

Wake up and smell the coffee, JIM FLINT, the moms running around, working, running errands, picking up all the slack in the household and too busy to pick up the kids on time are the married ones while their husbands are banging the secretary "working late again".

I don't believe it should be a big deal. If a woman chooses to have a baby, so let her. I am a single mother of 2 boys, by choice, meaning that I left their father and i know fora fact that they are better off without him. As for Dayone1 saying that boys need a father so show them how to be men, what about the father that's not around for his kids? Yes I left him, but he abandoned his kids. So you're telling me that my kids need a "man" like that around? I see nothing wrong with single parent households. Although I agree that it good for the chidren to have both parents, sometimes things don't work out and it's better for the parents to go their seperate ways because if they don't then it could become a matter of the child being raised in an abusive household. I also agree with JPerk. There are plenty of children out there waiting to be adopted, so if you choose to be a single mother, why not look into adoption first. In the end it is the woman's choice.

It is hard to find a compatible, loving and understanding husband to spend your life with and have babies with. If time is ticking I think it is perfectly fine to have a child. I was a single mom (before I met my now husband) and it was a beautiful experience being on my own with my child and it still would be a beautiful experience if I had remained single. I think women are completely capable of looking after a child or maybe 2 on their own. If you love, talk and communicate with your children about everything and tell them the truth they are perfectly happy and content just having their mom and you form a special, unique bond that lasts a lifetime.

Cowdragon mus be one of those open minded liberals I keep hearing about. Everyone is allowed to speak their minds as longs as they agree with cowdragons point of view.

I completely agree on this part and support the single mothers. In todays world who dnt want to be independent. When a woman think and determine that she can do a particular task..than ofcourse she can do it. This is the Woman who give birth to a life. And if she is independent and self suffiecent than ofcourse she can go ahead and make a decision for the same. I dnt agree with that ..a woman cant do any thing without a man. When a man screwed a woman's lyf after marraige than ...wat shd she do...no way to go..than this society...will nt goin to support any woman for that. Than the final deciesion is of divorce dats all. And after that she is in the same situation. So...its better if u dnt gt d Mr. Right of ur lyf..go for this .

Look in the mirror CollegeGal. You and your 16 cats make the puuuurrrrrrfect couple.

Ms Melanie. What a crock of crap. You haven't found a six-figure producing, socially perfect, high on the ladder, vacation-taking, bright teeth, green eyed, tall, dark and handsome father so you settled for a syringe full of sperm. There are lots of great potential single men out there Just none that fit your warped fantasy of what a man should be.

Single women think they have it hard.Try being a single guy. If a guy isn't maried by 35 he is considered gay or completly disfunctional. After three decades of searching for Mrs. Right I would love to have a "second option". It would be a blessing to be a father on my terms and have to wait on a second party (women) to get on the same page.

BRichard312, I absolutely hope that you haven't passed along your genetic material. You inbred, narrow minded, jesus loving, woman hating, nascar freak!

There is nothing wrong with "these women" except that they are forced to share a world that YOU exist in. Please get out of the public library that is letting you use its computer and go back to your cave.

I believe women should at least try to find Mr. Right. No child should grow up without it's father. Women may be considered God in a childs eye but men(Fathers) bring happiness to that child also. Men generally have more home skills when it comes to maintaining the home thus allowing the family to have more money. I find that a lot of women end up depressed when trying to raise the child alone. When discipline is needed most children listen to thier fathers more deep, stern voice. And it's not that we try to sound stern. It's natural for us. Growing up in a fatherless home we laughed at our Mother sometimes who did a great job disciplining us considering the circumstances but it did stress her. Of course when you get older, you realized at times you were a jerk when you were younger. I just don't think women should consider sperm banks. Come on, it's just not "Natural". God put both female and males on earth to reproduce the correct way. I think you are just asking for trouble from the child later on when he realizes what you did. Think about it. There is a lot of great guys out there. Don't give up. See, I can spell. Spelling bee champ also.

In my opinion, everything you said in the article lacks many sociological effects. For one, as previously stated, studies have shown how the relationship at home affects the child???s development and overall out look Life, whether biblically or secular (Discover Mag, 2006). Another is the absence of a father. Boys who grow up without a father, statistically grow up with out the fundamental knowledge of how to run a family be a respectful husband, (WORLD, 2005). There are many bad men out there, JUST AS MANY BAD MOTHERS/WOMEN. The problems is when you base a relationship on a secular out look, that is the kind of people and relationship you will get; a selfish one. Too me, when women say I want to get pregnant but don???t have a father/husband, I (as a man) get furious. It is not right for a child to go fatherless and/or motherless no matter the outlook you take.

I have seen a trend in American Society. Over 70% of Americans are divorced or have been divorced; that is sad. And we see it in our children???s actions in school, public, and as babies. This kind of attitude only make more excuses up and allows people to do what ever they want without consequences.

Think about it. That mother is working, who is home to teach that child? The day-care lady who will stop see him/her at 11 years of age? I also found two problems in modern parenting/relationships. One: Two rulers can NEVER rule a kingdom with out a civil war breaking out (which results in divorce); and Two: There are good men out there, just that old saying is true, good guys finish ???differently???. Who???s fault is that, men???s or women???s.

In my opinion, everything you said in the article lacks many sociological effects. For one, as previously stated, studies have shown how the relationship at home affects the child???s development and overall out look Life, whether biblically or secular (Discover Mag, 2006). Another is the absence of a father. Boys who grow up without a father, statistically grow up with out the fundamental knowledge of how to run a family be a respectful husband, (WORLD, 2005). There are many bad men out there, JUST AS MANY BAD MOTHERS/WOMEN. The problems is when you base a relationship on a secular out look, that is the kind of people and relationship you will get; a selfish one. Too me, when women say I want to get pregnant but don???t have a father/husband, I (as a man) get furious. It is not right for a child to go fatherless and/or motherless no matter the outlook you take.

I have seen a trend in American Society. Over 70% of Americans are divorced or have been divorced; that is sad. And we see it in our children???s actions in school, public, and as babies. This kind of attitude only make more excuses up and allows people to do what ever they want without consequences.

Think about it. That mother is working, who is home to teach that child? The day-care lady who will stop see him/her at 11 years of age? I also found two problems in modern parenting/relationships. One: Two rulers can NEVER rule a kingdom with out a civil war breaking out (which results in divorce); and Two: There are good men out there, just that old saying is true, good guys finish ???differently???. Who???s fault is that, men???s or women???s.

I see alot of comments blaming each other. I am no expert and from the comments i see no one else here is. Even the author in my opinion ( not everyones) is not expert. First off, a relationship between a man and woman is NEVER perfect. Finding a perfect partner is not someone who loves and does only the same things you do. I feel that women and men that wait forever for that "perfect partner" are actually missing them. My wife and I do not agree on everything and thats what makes our relationship fun and interesting. The key is that while at times we do get into arguments, we also realize that we are different and accept and apreciate our different views on many things. Too many people (men and women) are so unwilling to compromise for each other and that translates into our children along with many other problems.
Let me clarify i DO NOT believe a single mother or father for that matter is always less qualified to raise a child then a couple is. It depends directly upon the parental guidence. Too many parents are not accepting the responsiblity for their children. In rare cases is a child solely a "bad apple". I belive that you start out as a blank slate and its your enviroment you grow in to determine what you become. That is where the parents come in to teach you right and wrong, social skills and compassion. Its a tough battle for parents and no one said its easy. While you are trying to teach your child many factors in society are undermining those teachings. I do feel that a single parent is a little less able to accomplish these task solely for the fact that while you are trying to raise a child you are also trying to maintain a career, provide enough money, and still have enough personel time to keep from melting down. Do not assume that the babysitter, schools or even family members are providing the proper support for your child. It is your responsiblity to make sure you child learns and grows as they are supposed to that goes for both parents.
I see far to many children whose parents are so concerned with provinding all the things in life that they never had that the children become spoiled. Part of being a good parent is while giving to a child is also NOT giving to a child. Just because the child wants a toy or game you need to teach that you cannot always have everything you want.
I could go on forever on this topic. I just get so tired of seeing people who think they are super parents but their children are complete monsters. that goes for couples and single parents. Just remember that if you really want a child you need to balance you life for both you and that new life your bringing into this world.
Dont assume just because you have your life in order right now that you can raise a child.

Wow, there are a lot of very strong, and some inflammatory opinions here. So here are some things to think about:
Having a baby, out of wedlock, does not automatically qualify you for welfare. There are income guidelines that dictate who gets welfare checks and food stamps and medical assistance. Those guidelines are pretty strict too. So those of you who are being so bold about the "bastard" children and "welfare" children should kindly watch your tongues - you don't know what you're talking about and lumping all "single parents" into the same category is just downright wrong.
Now, those of you who are on the "children need two parents" bandwagon: what about children who are orphaned and are raised in the foster care system or in group homes? What about children who have a parent that passed away? Are those children all going to grow up to be gangsters and thieves just because they only have one parent at home? What about children who are the product of a woman's rape? I would like to point out that there are just as many children from two parent homes who are drug addicts, convicts, and a plethora of other bad things, as those who are from single parent homes. The number of people living in your home has nothing to do with your ability to parent one or more child(ren). Here's something else to think about - would you be saying all of these ugly and hateful things if, instead of getting pregnant, one of these educated, stable, capable women chose to adopt a child out of the system instead? I somehow doubt it. You would be applauding her for taking responsibility for someone else's child, a child with whom she has no blood ties and is not required to care for but chooses to anyway. So what's the difference? Why is okay for a single person to parent someone else's child but not make one of her own to parent?
Now, let's talk to those of you who are attacking the women, not the children. Some of you say that the women are selfish and should be waiting for "Mr Right." Has it ever occurred to you that the men are the ones being selfish? They don't want kids "right now" or they don't want to get married "right now." Yes, maybe the women are being selfish but to some extent they are trying to be realistic - we know the risks of getting pregnant as we get older. Someone has an excellent point saying that it is harder for women to get pregnant as we get older - it's a medical fact - a woman who gets pregnant over the age of 35 is automatically considered high-risk and over 40 the odds increase exponentially that there will be complications. Well, some men don't seem to understand that just because they can still get it up whenever they want to, that women can accommodate as well and can get pregnant at any time - it's just not the case. Is it fair that they have to bury their parents before they graduate high school because their dad???s weren???t ???ready??? when they were younger or because their mom???s had to wait until ???Mr Right??? showed up to ha

That's far from the truth. It might be your opinion, which of course you're intitled to have, but's not the truth. I don't think it has anything to do with the "quality" of the people, it's merely that women have a shorter period of time to have a baby. Men can become a father when their seventy years old. If a women wants a career, it is EXTREMELY difficult to juggle both when you're starting out. No matter how enlightened companies say that they are, losing a woman to maternity leave puts a strain on the company and many women fear being away from a job for that long. Men don't have to make that decision. It's a matter of biology. Women have to "have" the baby.

Wow what a discussion! I'm so glad this book has been written. So much to think about. Rad! I personally get goosebumps reading this article. The bottom line here is choice and more women can have what they want. There should be a sister book about the flipside of 30something 40something single men unable to settle. So Interesting! Maybe our fairytales are letting us down and we need new ones. It reminds me of amazon folklore which I think is awesome. Bottom line is women are strong and they'll get what they want! :) as well they should. they've been doing laundry for thousands and thousands of years. Angelina Jolie is sort of a Heroin to this story. god Bless her. I'm 27/F there is no reason I shouldn't have my own family except a lack of options... where's a good man? Show me One. what am I going to go on a world tour looking? I live in a small town. The fact this is an option for me in my future comforts me so much. My kids will be fine no matter what. I never even wanted a career I always wanted to be a mom/housewife but it isn't turning out that way yet. And may g-d protect us all from religious fanatatics. Why don't they put those single mom statistics up at the army recruiters office. Or talk about how 90% of all violence towards women is done by their husbands/boyfriends. Point in fact wanted children and people turn out better than unwanted children and people. these women want their children very bad, let them have them.

go on
eat me alive.
:)
Jen