Knocking Yourself Up

I think all of you just need to shut up and mind your own business. Let people live their lives and make their decisions as they see fit.

This is a subject that gets me on the soapbox!!

I am now 40, well educated and have come to the sane unselfish conclusion that if I have a child with someone I love great; If not, then there are plenty of children out there that need mentoring or adopting.

Many of my male friends say??? you should be a mom, you???re so great with children and so giving???... and yes in my heart I would love to be one. BUT... I think as a responsible person to this world and the environment I should bring a child into this world in love... not a turkey baster... great story for your child when they ask...

I believe in love and sometime we must not be so selfish in the need to procreate to fill our female needs... I find it extremely selfish of us women to pull that card of ???I want a child now??? and run off and get out the turkey baster or pretend we are on the pill so we can say... opps ???I am pregnant??? and you should be so happy and want to marry me!!

So many of us women today are making fathers out of ???boys???. What happened when men chased us because we were a great woman to have and be mothers... I want a man to chase me around the couch to have his baby!!

Not to mention according to my friends that have KNOWLING MADE children-both male and female- ???it was the most amazing sex they have ever had??? and I sure do not want to miss out on that sex!!!

Making children and brining them into this world should be special and responsible to the child that is coming in. Not hey I want a child because I am so rich or because I need to fill my need to be a complete female so you (the child) get to do that for me.

Not saying you have to be married or straight... just do it in love! do it with contact with another human being not a turkey baster!

Also the comment by the person on ???gay people molesting children in the bath tub???
Honey... you do not have to be gay to molest children... in fact most of the molesting goes on by straight men and women... Just ask around... I have plenty of friends molested by their very religious dads... and they are female...

Wishing you all love in your life
M

It's not just men that have a problem with it. And no one is saying a man is *more* important in a child's life than a mother.

HUmm well lets see. I am a single mom in her late 30's; cause when the DONOR didnt get his way he booked it. I call him a donor cause he chose to not be around for his kids reguardless. I didn't want kids at all but I am raising them; loving them and teaching them to be good young men.
Think about this in that class of 20 yo single moms... maybe there would be fewer teen and 20's single moms if GUYS LISTENED when told NO!! All 3 of mine took place when I told my former other half no; and he didnt listen. There are more reasons other then to hurt your tender male egos that us gals do say NO. We know our bodies; we know the conciquiences of the actions and most of us will not commit murder of an innocent. So GUYS if you really want a cut back on single moms in the world; try behaving yourselves... teaching your sons to behave them selves and to respect the girls and women around them instead of using them to get off and run. Real reason why alot of women choose to stay single moms is we are alredy raiseing small kids why would we want to have to raise an adult male who acts just as bad as a toddler when he doesnt get his way as well??
sincerely
a mom of 3 beautiful boys who are growing up right.
PS I have served in 2 branches of the military; and a medic and run my own photo business... plus spend time w my kids on the ground playign and camping all the time and teaching my 13 yo how to work on cars... what are they losing out on ?? What do you do? other then complain your not wanted?

I agree with some of the concerns some readers have pointed out (single parent/child with disability) but I do think we need to put this into a bit of perspective. The issue really shouldn't be about the mother getting pregnant by baster, but the planned single parent hood part. There are a lot of man slammer out there (a few of those comments have set me off) but in the end, its about the long term effects on the child. It does not have to do with the fact
- homosexual couples are having kids then molesting them (you don't have to be homosexual to participate in that activity). God knows we've seen enough cases where the actual hetero father (or mother) does it.
- the man doesn't always leave (my mom left when I was two and I was raised by my dad with a brother and sister)
Yes it is difficult being a single parent, but enough studies have shown the kid grows up fine (with mom OR dad). Also it's not like the mother is intentionally alienating herself and child from all male figures in their lives. There are brothers, uncles, grandfathers, friends that do participate in this.
In the end, it's a women's choice. Just like abortion.

I say these single women who want children should go for it! I'm single and 34 years old and raised Southern Baptist. I often told myself that if I didnt get married that I would still consider having a child. Even if it meant going to a sperm bank. I am one of three girls that grew up in a broken home. It was a blessing that our father was not around as we were growing up. I would rather bring a child into the world and have one stable parent than expose the child to an unstable parent that brought the whole family down. The child needs stability and direction. This can come from both mother and father, but it can also come from one.

I totalay understand these women. I tried to get pregant two years ago this way. I went to a sperm bank bought some sperm and tried invitro 3 times. Didnt getpregnant but after the holidays Im tryn it again. Im 33 and Im not waiting anymore for the right guy..lol I'll be 80 if he ever comes and than what ? lol Sonia, Stockton,CA

I am a married woman with a five-month old daughter, and I am grateful every day for my husband, and glad that my daughter has him in her life. That said, if a person (woman or man, straight or gay) is truly committed to being a loving parent to a child (emotionally and financially), and to parent that child without a partner, I think that is a truly beautiful thing. The presence of two heterosexual parents has never ensured a child's well-being - it takes effort and commitment to raise a child. If a person is dedicated to make that effort and show that commitment, then their child is very lucky indeed. As a final point, as a society, aren't we sick of people telling other people how they should and should not live their lives? My way of life works for me, but might not be right for another, and that should be respected.

I am a single parent of two wonderful girls who is tired of people immediately assuming a single parent cannot raise a well adjusted child. I am not a single parent by choice as much as circumstance. I chose to have my children from unplanned pregnancies. My first child was born when I was 18. I still went to college and worked hard to become financially independent. My girls are wonderful, straight A students. My oldest daughter (born when I was 18) not only gets straight A's in her honors and Advanced Placement classes, but she also swims competitively for her high school and our city, is in ROTC and plays soccer. My daughter???s teachers tell me constantly what wonderful girls I have and I could not be prouder. I think the key is involvement. It does not matter if you are a single parent or a two parent household. It only matters if you are interested in what your children are doing and attend their events. I attend every event, am in booster clubs for the sports and help at their schools. I am constantly driving kids from two parent household???s home from sports and school events because their parents cannot be bothered to show up. I also have had my children feed their lunches or provide other kids with school supplies on numerous occasions to children from two parent households because their parents did not make sure their children went to school with the proper items. I may be a single parent, but my children are first and foremost in my life and I believe it shows in everything I do. Thanks, from a Single Parent in Flroida

I believe everybody is trying to blend different factors into consideration. I believe that not everyone (man, woman, or gay) could be a good parent. This conversation is not about the method used to get pregnant, it should be about why women are deciding to use it. The main answer will be simple: men are not assuming the responsability of a grown up person. In a world where everything is "about me", it is much easier to avoid responsabilities and decide to be selfish. My conclusion is: nobody knows how to become a good parent until you face the situation and you have the willing to become one (this goes to everyone, not only men). You learn how to become a good parent in the process of being a parent. All this experience will take you a different level of maturity that will make you see life in general in a different way. At the end of life what really matters is to be a good person and achieving happiness.

Typical "Male" comments... Go future Mommies! Men seem to have this issue with women actually being able to do things, like having a child, all by them selves. Welcome to the 21st century!

Opiniongirl: adoption is different from artificial insemination in this: you are not bringing another child into the world to have no father in his/her life and you are providing a home to a child who otherwise does not have one.

Dear Skagnette,
Get over yourself. My father decided that he didn't care about having a relationship with me and I didn't miss out on anything at all. I don't NEED him in my life for it to feel complete. I have ONE loving, supportive parent and THAT is enough. You have no IDEA why any woman can't find a man and one of the reasons is because of men like YOU. Shallow jerk.

I have been looking at this alternative as a way to have a family for a number of years now. I was raised by a single mother and I don't have deep father issues, nor do I feel I missed out on anything. My mother is an amazing woman with a successful career and two well-adjusted, successful, 20-something daughters, and she did it on her own. I admire her for it and I see "Knocking Yourself Up" as a viable, probable solution if Mr. Right doesn't come around by the time I want to have a family. With her example and a wealth of familial support, I'm confident I can raise my child successfully.

actually, plenty of people grow up normal/screwed up no matter how many parents they had or if daddy ws around o not. I have a very well adjusted friend who is married and has children who was raised by two moms (lesbians oh my!) and you would never know. Weird. Also have lots of friends raised by a mom and dad who are seriously disturbed.

Blaming someone else for your own faults doesn't mean we should listen to you. You still only have opinion.

Single motherhood...this comes in many forms. The mother who becomes a single mom after 15 years of marriage because her husband has decided to divorce her for his 23 year old secretary. The mother who becomes a single mom when she gets a phone call in the middle of the night that her husband has been killed in an accident. The mother that becomes a single mom when her husband is an executive V.P. and travels three weeks out of the year and is only home on weekends. Married women around the world are living the role of a singe mother and they are relying on their own resources to raise happy and healthy children the best way they can in the same way as single mothers who choose to have a child and become a parent without a husband or partner. For those who want to have children, it would be wonderful to find a great man who also wants to be married and have children. The type of man who is as invested in his children as you are, someone who comes home early to play ball in the backyard or spends Saturdays at the zoo, but those are few and far between. If you are reading this and you are one of those lucky women who found a parter who is willing to be this kind of father, then you are very, very lucky. Realize how lucky you to have someone by your side to raise your children and give the rest of us a break, the rest of us who are divorced or widowed or single and want as much as you do to have the chance to be a parent.

This discussion should not be over whether or not a single parent can raise a child as well as a two-parent household but rather how this phenomenon is shaping our future. Society is moving in a frightening direction I believe. The value that should go into the conception of a child is a commitment to family, not about one person???s wants. No child should be brought into this world without that commitment by both a father and a mother. Just because a single mother wants a child should not give her that right to act upon that whim even if she is financially stable and independent. The question she should ask herself is if she is really ready for child and that responsibility when she has be unable to show that same kind of sacrifice and love towards another human being. Every child should be brought into this world with parents that love each other and are committed to that child. I don???t buy the fact that these women couldn???t find Mr. Right. In a world of over 6 billion people, these women should be asking themselves why they couldn???t find a life partner. I believe the values that are required to make a relationship work are the same ones that are essential for being a good parent. The fact of the matter is that they didn???t have those values in place otherwise they wouldn???t be in this position. Every child has the right to a natural process and if these so-called ???want-to-be mothers??? really think they can be good mothers, then adoption is a real opportunity to help humanity. I think that is selfish to go through this artificial process when there are thousands of orphans wanting a ???real??? home. The fact of the matter is that being a mother is not a ???right???. If it is was meant to be then it would have been.

Making the perfect child with a Turkey Baster? Wow! Next thing you know, these wealthy independent women will start a campaign for cloning the perfect man... Spooky Thoughts... very Spooky...lol

I agree with Rayanna Loo. There are often more liabilities to 2 parent homes, than might be in a single parent home. If a woman is in the space and place to be able to assume such tremendous responsibilities, she should knock herself out. Even in 2 parent situations, parental responsibilities are not equally distributed, leaving more responsibilities on one.