Knocking Yourself Up

I am a disabled, successful, educated, single mom and full-time employee. I don't get child support because I make more than he does, and I don't want it anymore. I think it's great that educated, successful women want to have children on their own. It is not easy! I wouldn't change anything about my situation ( I am deeply in love with a wonderful man who is not my daughter's father). My boyfriend is not my daughter's father and he doesn't try to be, although he loves her very much. My daughter is not ADD or ADHD but she is advanced for her age and a year ahead of anyone else in her age group. I say that is because I work with her one on one every night and I don't have to argue about how I am going to raise her with anyone else. I can' raise her like I was raised. By a loving family, and extremely successful mother, who still encourages everything I do including being a single mom. Being a single mom is something I am proud of. I did it when I was 29 and the situation didn't work out with her father, and he isn't involved in her life. But I thank him everyday when I see her beautiful face and hear her infectious laugh. I don't know what I would do without her. And for every poster out there who is leaving negative comments, have a baby on your own, change all the diapers, have 75% of your paycheck go to daycare, and not be on assistance. Cause I did it, I know others can too! I am educated, successful and proud to be a single mom! There will always be single parents out there, and to them I salute your great job of raising wonderful, independent children! I don't have the resources/money to stay at home with her, and I wouldn't want to as she is very well adjusted and more independent and less whiney that most kids her age.
Good for you for having a baby! It is the best thing you can do for this world, is contribute another healthy person!

I am also a single mother who is raising my daughter alone without the help of her father. Was this my choice? Yes it was my choice to not let her father be in the picture due to the fact he has never called when he found out I was pregnant, nor did he care. Do i want a father figure/role model for my daughter? Yes I do but do I think I think I could raise my daughter on my own with a father figure if Mr Right never comes of course I can, and let me tell you why. The one thing that matters most in the world to me is my daughter and her safety and happiness, and if that means me doing it all alone then I am perfectly happy with it. I make sure my daughter gets all the love and support from me, and I do give her all the things in life that she needs and that is love and happiness. I may not able to afford the brand name items but you know what I don't care, and she does not care care she gots clothes on her back , food, a home, and all the love of me. and when I have a frustrating day at work, and I go and pick her up from daycare and I see her smiles and giggles that makes the day better and all worth the while of having my daughter. I think no matter if you are single, married, gay or straight kids come are kids and they come into the world and it is up to you if you want to step up and be a good role model for your child not someone else.

This isn't fair to some of the men/future fathers as I doubt most woman would say they just want to be knocked up then leave. A college buddy of mine ran into a woman who did this to him and it turned out to be a huge mess and the child is now living with him. This might work if this is agreed upon up front by both parties in writing and the child support is legally agreed upon prior to conception. If this is in place then there is a chance this could work for everyone; however, be aware that contracts that are not in the best interest of the children may not hold up in court so it is possible this arrangement would not be legally valid.

This isn't fair to some of the men/future fathers as I doubt most woman would say they just want to be knocked up then leave. A college buddy of mine ran into a woman who did this to him and it turned out to be a huge mess and the child is now living with him. This might work if this is agreed upon up front by both parties in writing and the child support is legally agreed upon prior to conception. If this is in place then there is a chance this could work for everyone; however, be aware that contracts that are not in the best interest of the children may not hold up in court so it is possible this arrangement would not be legally valid.

gay isn't a habit, it is the way you are genetichally born and it is also not bad. It is different than most people but not even enough to be weird. Gay is not an issue in this conversation I beleive.

Most females today not only want both sides of the coin, they also want the coin. Hold the door and pay for dinner, movies, tickets, shows etc, and then whine about wanting to be independant. The bottom line is a marrage will not work unless the man is a Man and the woman is a Lady. The emasculation of america and the warehousing of our children into daycare is slowing killing our country. Why have children to just drop them off into storage/daycare. Kids are not cute little accessories to tote along when you go shopping. Any female who knocks herself up out of wedlock and plans on going it alone is selfish beyond any mesure. SHE wants a child, so SHE goes and knocks HERSELF up? This article starts off by quoting Sex and the City. Heres some food for thought guys... Don't have a relationship with ANY girl that likes that show! They will be only thinking about themselves and what THEY want. Not what is best for the family!

burg - You can't make proper decisions when you are clearly in a very emotional state. I suggest you speak with a professional who may be able to help you sort through your own issues and choices.

To Jachanter, you say you are greedy for your children and don't want to share them with anyone. This is acting rather selfish isn't it? Like I said in one of my previous posts I do not have an issue with single mothers. Sometimes things just work out that way and there is nothing you can do about it. However, if their was a father who made these babies of yours (meaning you didn't do the turkey baster thing) then I would
have you consider having him in your childrens life.....for their sake, not yours. Something to think about anyways......

Bravo! I am so glad that there is progressive discussion on a woman's CHOICE to be single. I am a single mother. Neither one of my children were planned but I could have easily undid what nature intended. I desperately wanted a second child and felt very capable. I am doing well and feel very complete, even without a man.Who knows, maybe when I am 50 or 60 I will marry. lol

Unfortunately, the problem here is that these children will grow up never knowing any type of loving, normal relationship. As for being judgmental about it, I think anyone who reads the Bible can realize what the Creator thinks is right and wrong. God instituted the family relationship for a purpose. We don't have to let him decide what is right and wrong because he already tells us in his word. There's really no room for argument if you believe the Bible. God didn't intend for children to be raised with one parent, sometimes it can't be helped, but that was not the point of the family. And Rustman, I think you have it exactly right. I'm a female, and I get so sick of seeing all these shows that put men down as bad leaders and pansies and tons of feminists who want men to do nothing more than what Sloan had "No. 2" do for her. Feminists have made American the worst place on earth for men to live because of their caustic ideas about what it is to be a woman. As a woman, I am proud to be "the fairer sex" and let men do what God intended them to do: be men.

I say that instead of attacking people as adult making decisions that we look at childhood and upbringing. I think that the issue is that little girls and little boys don't play with each other enough throughout childhood and there is a social stigma attached to what little girls and little boys should like and do throughout thier childhood years. If little boys and little girls could figure out a way to get along better and all, not just a rare few, little boys learn in thier teen years that you don't have want sex with a woman in order to hang out with her and have a good time, then there would be a lot less hurt feelings out there. I think hurt feelings, a lack of common interests, and a lack of effort to be productive and stick to a relationship is what is causing the divide between men and women today.

After marrying my high school sweetheart, I got pregnant at 19 and again at 20. When my daughters were 2 and 3 yrs. old we divorced due to his alcoholism. I was left on my own to raise them wthout child support or help of any kind from him or his family. One daughter is a marine biologist that recently finished her Masters degree in Marine Environmental Science and works on marine conservation for the U.S. government. The other daughter studied in Italy speaking fluent Italian and got her Fine Arts degree. She works with non-profits that bring art to disadvantaged children. When children know they are loved and appreciated they thrive, no matter who does the parenting or how many parents they have. In fact, my daughter's lives turned out much better than most of their childhood friends that came from 2 parent homes!

I commend single women for making the choice to have a child on their own. Being a single mother is not a new thing. For many years, women in my 'circle' have not been given the choice to be single mothers. Unfortunately, they had unprotected sex with men who were not ready to take on the responsibility to become fathers. This leaves women, without choice or reason, alone and forced to come to terms with being a single mother. I remember reading an article weeks ago on a gentleman from Wyoming, Toby Byrum, who decided to have a vasectomy at 28. He didn't want to have children. The feedback section on articles related to the issue really surprised me. Comments such as congratulatory "pats on the back" flooded the feedback pages. Mr. Bynum wants to live a single lifestyle, one that doesn't restrict him from happiness. This was his personal choice. For women who decide to have children sans masculine figure, it's their choice as well. We are not providing for them. We are not affected by this choice. Unless it directly affects how we live our lives and puts children in harm's way, our opinion should remain that (an opinion). From what I'm understanding of the article, the women who are deciding to have children through the means of a sperm donor have been able to provide for themselves for many years. If women have the resources to have children through a sperm donor, let them have their freedom.

I am a young woman in my twenties, and want to eventually have children once I???m completely done with college. I think it???s a beautiful thing to have a child, and anyone should be able to have children no matter what the circumstances. No one has the right to tell someone else that they can not have a child unless there are going to be two parents involved. Why would anyone try to deny someone the chance to have a child and experience all of the great things that come along with it? Anyone who says it is selfish to want to raise a child solo is crazy! Open your eyes people! The times are changing! It doesn???t matter how many people are raising the child, but it???s how you raise them. I support any person who wants to have a child and be there for them, because there are hundreds of parents who took on the role, but not the responsibility; there are hundreds of kids who go home to two parents, who are more concerned with other issues in there life, than the issues going on in there kid???s life. That my dear, is selfish! Not the women who want to have children. You women have my support.

Comment: America is indeed an interesting nation! I wonder where these women get the idea of waiting for Mr. right or price charming from? I think it has a lot to do with living in a fairy tale world of themselves! Most of you single moms or single mom wanna-be's claim you are educated...This means you went to school with good equally educated American men but you are yet to meet Mr. right. Also, you are financially independent which means you work or did work with good American men but again, prince charming never came by! SHOULDN'T YOU BE ASKING YOURSELVES, AFTER ALL THESE TIMES, WHETHER YOU ARE MISS RIGHT OR MISS CHARMING?
A few questions for thought:
1. For those single moms who raise boys, don't you think there are chances of they having gay tendencies?
2. How about the ones you get from the sperm bank, do you think they'll be happy after they learn of this fact?

Please, men and women are made to co-exist, do not do it on your own just b/c you want to prove a point. Marrying doesn't mean you dependent on your spouse, you can marry and still be financially independent.

I believe American women are very choicy and demanding which is why these kinds of things exist. No body is perfect, but there are indeed good men, if they don't come to you, try and find them after all life is not meant to be easy... at least not for everyone!

God help anyone raising a child alone. I know it's hard enough with two parents working together. Everyone has their own situation and they deal with it the best way they know how. I hope none of the women making it with the turkey basters have a child with a disability, boy, would that complicate matters, what if they lost their career and income and had to stay home and take care of the disabled child. I am a surgeon who gave up her career to care for my autistic daughter, than God my husband can support us.

I think it's great. These are wanted children who will be well-adjusted. Unlike two people that get married, have kids and then get divorced. That's very traumatic on kids, especially if the divorce does not go well. The real problem here is that there is such a lack of quality men in this society that women can't find a decent, honest, gentleman to settle down with.

I am a heterosexual African American male that has for the longest, only wanted to have children and no spouse at all. Not because I want to be a "ladies man" or a "playa", but right now in my life, I know that I am not ready, personally, to marry. However, I do not want to wait until my mid to late 30's to start having children. I refuse to go along with what the media would have you to believe that not having both parents in the home is detrimental to a childs well being. I come from a two parent household where my parents constantly argued resulting in a divorce after 26 years of marriage. But the one thing that they showed me throughout their constant struggles was their love for me and my brother and that no matter how much THEY fought, their number responsibility was our welfare. My point is this: It is the tangible, and intangible environment that you choose to surround your child in, and the values that you instill in a child that will factor into their well being, whether single parent, or two parent household. I wish that people would stop trying to write the "Universal guide/manual" of what makes a great child from take their misfortunes of parenthood/childhood.

THREE CHEERS FOR THE TURKEY BASTER!!!
HURRAY!!! HURRAY!!! HURRAY!!!