Knocking Yourself Up

as a man with first hand experience with this process, I have a couple of thoughts. First ,be upfront with the "donor"(no matter how the conception is done). Second, don't put the donor's name on the birth certificate without the consent of the donor. Third, don't expect a paternal bond from the "donor" or another man without a constant "meaningful" relationship with the child. Fourth recognize that your eventual spouce and the donor's eventual spouce have to be remarkable folks, if the plan is to have long term meaningful input paternal input.

The bottom line is this is not something to be done lightly, without prospective agreement ,or hopes of eventually marrying the donor.

Why don't we quit judging others and let our Creator decide who is right and wrong? Those kinds of comments are EXACTLY why people are turned off to the Christ-following lifestyle. So, Mr. Hemenway and "mcompass", get off of your high horse, do what is right by you and yours, and let our Father work in His own way. People will make their own choices based on what they feel is right for them with OR without your rude, judgemental and, ironically enough, un-Christian-like comments.

The anti-male biased in this country, particularly from modern american feminists immediately assumes that if women can't find "Mr. Right" it must be because there's something wrong with men. You ever think it's maybe because there's something wrong with modern American women? The average modern American woman holds this completely unrealistic standard of perfection about what she looks for in a guy, but god forbid that a man ever holds her a similarly unrealistic standard of perfection...that's just patriarcal and oppressive. By an large, women in America are overly needy, neurotic, psychotic, and manipulative. Seriously...you've priced yourself completely out of the market. Quite a few modern American men, particularly educated American men, don't want American women exact because of these reasons. Many are either chosing to stay single themselves, and have no obligations to anybody, which is perfectly acceptable in our mind, or, if they are looking for a relationship, marriage, and children, more and more are looking outside of the US to women who still treat us like men..and still allow us to be..MEN.

Oh, just one more thing ... I forget who it was that first said,
"American women demand the level of deferential behavior that British women expect only from their butlers."
Does anyone know?

I am a 22 year old girl, and currently going to school for my Ph.D in physics. One of the biggest factors for me in pursueing higher education was regarding what was more important to me, occupation or family. I have figured it out in my head that it will take me 6 years for a Ph.d, 2 years of postdoctoral experience and probably about 5 years to get my career to a point where I can have a baby. So at 35 I will be ready to have my first child. I am married to a man that is 30 years old and if it was up to him he would start a family now. He realizes he is gonna have to wait for a probably along time before we have children. So women are at a disadvantage because in society they are seen as caretaker, but we live in a two income society. I think for a child to be raised well one person needs to stay home( or switching on and off). Therefore I dont think a woman can do it all or at least my mother had a really hard time doing it.

I was raised by a single mother but we lived with nana that could devout her time to me when I needed a parent. It was to hard for my mother to do it on her own. Therefore I personally dont think you can devout the time to a child when having a full fledge career and no one else invovled. I am not saying it has to be a husband or boyfriend, it could be a grandparent, an uncle or aunt. But someone else has to be committed to this relationship of raising a child as well. I think a child is a two person job, not necessarily a traditional two-person home.

I am a married 45 year old Tsalagi (Cherokee) female. My husband never wanted children. Yet, he did not reveal this to me until after one year into our marriage. I have been with him now for 16 years. I tried to get pregnant, with the hope that he would change if a baby came along. Nothing! Now, after all these years, I've missed my period. I pray that I am pregnant. And if I am, I know it will mean divorce. I am not afraid! I have tried for so long, and pray that my desire to be a mom is finally a reality. I know I will have the support of my family and friends. And, I will be the best mom I can be. Hey, if my mother could do it with two jobs and six children (and we turned out just fine), I can do it with one. Wish me luck!

as for the woman criticizing the single moms that decided to have their cake and eat it to...you should rethink your comments. you seem to be sending the message that it's ok for dad to have a full time job and be away from the kids to have his career...don't you think that is selfish. just cause you are married and have children does not make you any less selfish. it just puts a ring on your finger and gives you a little piece of paper that says you get to be on his/her insurance. does not mean that you two are going to be good parents or will even stay together if you do. it takes a much stronger woman to have a child out of wedlock successfully and do it with pride and happiness than to be a mother who is married and still ends up doing it on her own while dads away at work. so you have someone to help you out when you want to the dishes and your kid is a spoiled brat who can't talk yet because if it's not you it's dad giving them what they want. i'm over it and your rude comments. people need to be more openminded and less judgemental.

If all these women are waiting for a perfect man instead of finding a real man what are the going to expect from their children I wouldnt want to be in their shoes

I'm the single mother of 17yr-old twins (boy/girl) by choice. My kids have not suffered from the lack of a father in their lives. Both are well adjusted kids, top of their class in school and headed for college.
Why are mothers by choice any different from divorced or widowed mothers? We're all raising kids on our own and doing a great job!

I'm grateful that more and more women are finally admitting that they see men as only sperm donors WITHOUT seeing them as money machines as well. It used to be "I'm pregnant, now I have to marry the sonova ... but at least I'll get his paycheck" Now it's more like "I have my own income, now I want to have a baby too!"
It's freedom, men! Sweet, blessed FREEDOM!

Just because a child has two parents doesn't mean that they are both wonderful. There are lots of people who grow up with emotionally absent fathers.

Indeed. Irish hit part of the problem right on the head. The anti-male biased in this country, particularly from modern american feminists immediately assumes that if women can't find "Mr. Right" it must be because there's something wrong with men. You ever think it's maybe because there's something wrong with modern American women? The average modern American woman holds this completely unrealistic standard of perfection about what she looks for in a guy, but god forbid that a man ever holds her a similarly unrealistic standard of perfection...that's just patriarcal and oppressive. By an large, women in America are overly needy, neurotic, psychotic, and manipulative. Seriously...you've priced yourself completely out of the market. Quite a few modern American men, particularly educated American men, don't want American women exact because of these reasons. Many of us are either chosing to stay single themselves, and have no obligations to anybody, which is perfectly acceptable in our mind, or, if we are looking for a relationship, marriage, and children, more and more are looking outside of the US to women who still treat us like men..and still allow us to be..MEN.

What a broad spectrum of responses. I am a successful single mother, and not by choice at that. I did not, as one poster suggests, boink a man for government bennefits. I do not cut corners as a parent, as another poster suggests, unless by "cutting corners" you are refering to the fact that my daughter does recieve a definite "no" to many of her "I want"s at the store...is that bad parenting? Those of us single mothers, whether by choice or by chance, who are sucessfull, contributing members of society are no less than anyone else, nor are our children. And should we fault the women who are making the choice to pursue motherhood in a way that is safer than a casual sexual encounter? Should we condemn the fact that they are doing so in a way that will not continue to bog down our court systems with custody and child support battles? No. Power to these women. I have every intention to have another child someday, and unless Mr. Right cares to make an appearance, I plan on having a fling with that turkey baster.

To EricaMarie - Please settle down and switch to decaf. Your comments are immature and fruitless. Take some time and work on yourself so that you can offer some constructive comments on future forums.

as for the woman criticizing the single moms that decided to have their cake and eat it to...you should rethink your comments. you seem to be sending the message that it's ok for dad to have a full time job and be away from the kids to have his career...don't you think that is selfish. just cause you are married and have children does not make you any less selfish. it just puts a ring on your finger and gives you a little piece of paper that says you get to be on his/her insurance. does not mean that you two are going to be good parents or will even stay together if you do. it takes a much stronger woman to have a child out of wedlock successfully and do it with pride and happiness than to be a mother who is married and still ends up doing it on her own while dads away at work. so you have someone to help you out when you want to the dishes and your kid is a spoiled brat who can't talk yet because if it's not you it's dad giving them what they want. i'm over it and your rude comments. people need to be more openminded and less judgemental.

I raised a son as a single parent. I managed to go to college and get a Master's Degree in Social Work and my son earned a Master's Degree in Civil Engineering. I was pregnant at age 18 and abandoned by my family. We had nothing in the beginning, my baby slept in a suitcase when he came home from the hospital. But I loved him more than anything, and was determined to make a good life for him. He's very successful today, is actually married with 2 children himself. What made all the difference was my love for this child, the circle of support I had from other single parenting women, and my drive to get ahead in this life. I would much rather raise a child in a loving, nurturing environment than in a home with parents who can't get along and are unhappy.

There is no reason an independent woman in her 30s can't raise a child on her own. The reason why so many children raised by single mothers have serious issues is because many were raised by teen mothers. There is a huge difference between a successful mature single mother in her 30s and teenager with no education,

Also, most of these women can get a partner through no fault of their own. There is just a lack of quality men out there. I'm a classically attractive slender 20 year old and have never had a boyfriend. I'm not a ***. I just rarely see guys I'm attracted to. I don't want to lower my standards just so I can have a child. I'd be much happier raising one on my own. My mother did it(although divorced) well. There is no reason I can't either.

There is no greater joy than giving birth and raising a child. My children will be the most loved kids in the world whether they have a father or not!

What a broad spectrum of responses. I am a successful single mother, and not by choice at that. I did not, as one poster suggests, boink a man for government bennefits. I do not cut corners as a parent, as another poster suggests, unless by "cutting corners" you are refering to the fact that my daughter does recieve a definite "no" to many of her "I want"s at the store...is that bad parenting? Those of us single mothers, whether by choice or by chance, who are sucessfull, contributing members of society are no less than anyone else, nor are our children. And should we fault the women who are making the choice to pursue motherhood in a way that is safer than a casual sexual encounter? Should we condemn the fact that they are doing so in a way that will not continue to bog down our court systems with custody and child support battles? No. Power to these women. I have every intention to have another child someday, and unless Mr. Right cares to make an appearance, I plan on having a fling with that turkey baster.

This is a very hard issue for me to take a side on. As a single (never married) 43 year old, I can understand the desire to have a child. I love children and am the best aunt, godmother, friend you could ever have. I always wanted children but since I never married, that was not a possibility for me.

The commenter below claims to be a single mother not by choice. WRONG! You chose to have a child outside of wedlock. If you don't sleep around you don't get pregnant. Or at the very least choose to take birth control. We have a fatherless generation because men and women don't take responsibility for their actions. They want to live loose and immoral and don't care who it effects. I think they are the selfish ones.

Saying that, I don't condemn anyone who has made a mistake. I have many friends who are single mothers and I do my best to be a support for them. I help with soccer, babysitting, etc. Single moms need a good support system.

I don't think it selfish at all to want the experience of having a child. Why should someone be denied that miracle simple becuase the right person never came along and they were a responsible young adult and didn't get pregnant before you were ready. I do think it is a little strange to not be able to tell you child who their father is but how many children are already in that situation. At least these children are wanted and taken care of. I see in the news daily people who abuse and mistreat their children. I am a huge advocat of adoption and plan to adopt myself if I can. Adoption is very expensive, and even though there are people like me with lots of love to give but not lots of money, adoption isn't possible.