Knocking Yourself Up

If men would step up to the plate and ask their girlfriend???s of 3-6 and even 14 years to marry them, then I???m sure there would be less women opting to have children on their own. In most cases, especially in my circle of friends, we are all 36+, beautiful, financially stable women and have a lot to offer in a relationship???BUT the men here in California are not interested in a commitment. The grass is greener in their eyes and the younger the better! Most women don???t chose to be single at this age but if men keep shying away from marriage or keeping us hoping in relationships that last years and years with no golden ring at the end of it all, why not have a child on our own? Being 36, I???ve already talked to my doctor about freezing my eggs (more likely I will pick my #2 and freeze several embryos) just in case #1 doesn???t come along in the next 4 years. I???ve always wanted children, and I WILL have children some day. The option is mine.

This isn't about keeping a man out of a child's life. This is about women who are not finding men that aren't self centered and career driven to particpate in a stable relationship to build a family. Women have an innate natural tendency to want to nurture and raise a child, so if she can't find a suitable man to accomplish that task then more power to her. I absolutely adore my children who were born by choice to my ex husband and I. We work together to make sure they were raised with both of us involved. I'm not saying it's easy on them, but they both excel in everything they do because they know that we both will be involved in their training and discipline.

A single woman who "chooses" to have a baby on her own is completely capable of raising it to be a respectable, productive adult. Because she is choosing to do this, she is already prepared to love and nurture the child to adulthood. The statistics are all inclusive for women who have babies that are not chosen (ie: teen prenancise, accidental, bad marriage, etc). That translates to the number of kids that are not well taken care of and end up as a detrimental statistic.

Single women who choose to bring a life into this world without a man are brave and loving. More power to them!!!!

If men would step up to the plate and ask their girlfriend???s of 3-6 and even 14 years to marry them, then I???m sure there would be less women opting to have children on their own. In most cases, especially in my circle of friends, we are all 36+, beautiful, financially stable women and have a lot to offer in a relationship???BUT the men here in California are not interested in a commitment. The grass is greener in their eyes and the younger the better! Most women don???t chose to be single at this age but if men keep shying away from marriage or keeping us hoping in relationships that last years and years with no golden ring at the end of it all, why not have a child on our own? Being 36, I???ve already talked to my doctor about freezing my eggs (more likely I will pick my #2 and freeze several embryos) just in case #1 doesn???t come along in the next 4 years. I???ve always wanted children, and I WILL have children some day. The option is mine.

A WOMAN WITH FINANCIAL RESOURCES AND SUPPORT WHO JUST CAN'T BE WITH ANYONE ELSE, ISN'T DOOMED TO NEVER BEAR A CHILD, HOWEVER EVERYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN WHO HAD A SINGLE PARENT HAD A MUCH ROUGHER LIFE THAN THOSE WHO HAD AS THE VERY LEAST THE SECURITY OF A FAMILY ENVIRONMENT. SURE, THE CHILD WILL END UP OKAY, BUT I JUST FEEL ITS SELFISH. HOW MANY 10 YEAR OLD GIRLS/BOYS SHOULD THERE BE WITH A 50-55 YEAR OLD MOM? NOT TO MENTION HOW ALIENATED THE CHILD WILL BE. I SAY IT AGAIN, HAVE A CHILD TO HAVE A FAMILY AND YOUR GONA BE A GREAT PARENT, NO MATTER IF YOUR WITH SOMEONE OR NOT, BUT IF YOUR JUST GONNA HAVE A KID BECAUSE YOUR LIKE 4O-SOMETHING AND FEEL THE NEED, THATS JUST WRONG.

Oops I accidentally posted twice. Both are pretty much the same. Didn't think the first one went through.

Interesting to see how people respond...some on the side of single parents (mothers to be exact), some looking at the children. And yet, I am amazed at how "success" at parenting is measured. Successful parenting is not determined by income, school performance, or even time spent with a child (is it quality time, or just time?). I don't think there is a debate as to whether or not a single parent can be as "good" as a married parent; however, there cannot be a debate that a mother can replace a father or vice versa. It takes two to make a baby (whether you know that man or not--he's still the second person in the equation). Every child deserves a chance to know his/her father and then decide if he is worth really knowing.

I think the comment by the 19 yr. old makes more sense then any of the others I've seen online. I'm a 38 yr. old single woman and beleive me, I'm no single by choice. I would love to be married and have a family but it just hasn't happend for me. Does this mean I don't deserve to be a mother? I don't think so. I'm intelligent, educated, and I have a wonderful job where I'm able to support myself. What's so wrong with bringing a baby into my life? I have a supportive family that I know would be there for me so I don't think my child will be lacking in love. Yes, he/she may not have that father figure but he/she would have a couple of wonderful uncles and plenty of cousins. I think it's different to be a single mother who wants and can provide for a child than a single high school girl that gets pregnant by accident.

I believe that this issue is 100% about control issues. A Women has 100% control over whether or not she is going to get pregnant. She decides about these decisions, and finds in life if she cannot control her "men" then and have an idyllic romance with all the associated house, yard, visa, and mastercard being paid by the "prince charming" of her dreams or what society has lead her to expect as her god given right, then by golly, she will go it alone. I believe this is a grave mistake, a father is essential to a well balanced childhood, he has a counterpoint to the woman's point of view, which is myoptc and tends to narrow to tunnel vision. This is especially damaging to young boys, with no role models other than what the woman's male family bring to the picture. At best this is limited to very few days thru out the childhood., perhaps these women, need to relax their standards and realize that Men with all their faults are needed to shepard the children in ways women should be able to understand.

I know the hard work that goes into being a single parent. I'm a single father of a beautiful 8 year old girl and I make sure and try my best that she has a great childhood like I had growing up. Only difference is that I had both my parents my entire childhood. I have 6 sisters and they'd all agree with me that it's vital for a child to have a parent involved in their life until they're ready to fly out of their nest and be on their own. Alot of people think how nice it would be to have a child but don't realize the commitment it takes to nurture that seed in hopes that they'll blossom in the ways you've instilled in them. I don't care if you have a Ph.D., G.E.D. or even the President. Being a good parent is not taught. You have the skill within yourself. You wake up with it every morning. That's why in my own opinion, this Country has alot of problems. Too many selfish people. I have friends that was raised in the projects, I have friends that was raised with a silver spoon in thier mouth. Both sides are normal with healthy families. Bottom line is they had at least one parent taking up the slack from the other parent when one couldn't go to the school plays, games etc. the other one did. Because my ex decided to get pregnant for a failing relationship; she lost custody of our daughter, cheated our daughter and didn't even want to be a parent in the first place. I have a great paying job but been written up many of times because my daughter needed me to be there for her school plays, gymnastics and other countless activities. A job can always be replaced but not being there for a child is an opportunity lost FOREVER!

Comment: Ofcourse if it hurts the children born this way, it isn't right. Think about it before you do it. What if you came to know that you were born this way? Would you prefer a father's love in your life or be without it?

I told my parents from the time I was 12ys old, "If I make it to 30 w/no husband, I still will be a mother". And I kinda did just that. I loved my 20's, college was fun, riding my motorcycle great, career good. But at age 30 Mr. Right turned into Mr. Wrong, the fairy tale wedding cancelled and on my own again. I later met a great guy with his own child. He had the opinion everyone should have the chace to be a parent. Mind you we never discussed getting married, but I wanted to be a mom, so with much thought and consideration that I may ultimately end up a single mom (which even if you're married may happen anyway!), we went ahead and had a baby. My parents and family totally understood and my aunt said I was just doing what I said I'd do all along anyway. My son will be 3 in Dec one week before I turn 34 and I've never looked back! I don't get to ride that motorcycle as often, but the trade is well worth it. And no dad and I still aren't married. Who knows maybe one day my son will be his father's best man if and when mommy and daddy ever decide to get married. Truth is even perfect happy married homes split and you may end up doing it on your own anyway. I didn't want to wait any longer and didn't!

I am a married woman and am looking forward to having children and raising them with my husband. I think these single women who have not yet found "Mr. Right" are the most selfish, self-centered people. Because they "want" children but didn't have time to find a mate, they think it's perfectly ok to raise a child in single parent household. Here to tell you it's not ok. Wake up people, you may be smart and educated and come up with all the excuses in the world on why you didn't marry or have kids when you were younger...the bottom line is YOU ARE BEING SELFISH. You are denying your child of having 2 loving parents take an interest in them. As much as you love and provide for them, there will always be an empty spot in their lives. When your child asks, "Who's my Daddy?" What are you gonna say? Sperm donor #2? I'm sorry, but to me that's just not acceptable. Women these days are so busy working on their careers, they seem to forget about the "little things" in life like raising a family. Now I'm certainly not saying that women can't have their careers and be successful, but you have to make a choice sometimes. You either take some time out to have a family, or you continue working without one. And when I say family, that includes some sort of partner. I may sound so old fashioned and you probably think I grew up in some rural area...that couldn't be further from the truth. I was born and raised in the city and I'm only 28. But I do have my beliefs and morals, and I'm sorry I just can NOT agree with a woman's decision to have a baby alone because she "wants to".

I'm seeing a lot of sexist remarks from men- You also have to remember- there are a lot of kids now who grow up in a single parent households because their fathers didn't care and got up and left. My ex brother in law once told my sister to put their children in foster care in order for them to stay married because he didn't want them. She refused, of course, and divorced him for his excessive alcohol use. She is now raising three wonderful, smart, caring children. And her situation is not an isolated incident. So if women are "jacked in the head" what do you call those men who don't care enough to stay and love their children? You say women think its "all about us"- well what about the thousands of men who would rather stay in a bar and get drunk rather than raise their kids? The problem with women wanting to conceive through a donor isn't because they are selfish. It's because they want to raise and love a child- and there's happens to be a lack of available decent men in the world.

I think the main reason women today are deciding to raise children by themselves has nothing to do with being selfish, man-haters, or lonely and pathetic. What seems to be overlooked here is that women are physically unable to have children after a certain age - so if a women wants children, and isn't married, doesn't want to have a one night stand, doesn't have any friends that are willing to "donate"...what choice does she have? She can either unhappily live the rest of her life without children, or decide to go to a clinic and have one herself. As long as children are loved, nurtured and cared for properly, the absence of one parent doesn't have to be detrimental to that child's development as long as they understand that no matter where they came from, no matter what circumstances, that they are unconditionally loved, given one parent or two.

My mom was a single mom with six kids while our father was out there doing his own thing. She raise us and even though each of our lives are not perfect we are grateful. Right now, I am currently 30 years old, college educated and about to pursue my masters with no children. I am not waiting for "Mr. Husband to Be" to come into my life. When I finished my masters and after about a year or two in my new career, believe me when I say one way or another I will bring forth a child into this world, regardless if the ring in on my fingers or not. Being a single parent does not mean that your child or children will have less of a chance than a child from a dual parent home. Thats ridiculous. Heck, 1/2 of those co-parenting homes are rife with cheating, fighting, and out "keep it in the closets" type of scandals that have yet to make it to the front door. I say if you are strong, capable, earning a very decent income, and can stand on your own feet, with the maturity level to raise a childo n your own. Go for it! and Lord help the fool or in this case the man who cannot even give birth, that gets in your way. Nicole

What if you do find the perfect man to be a father for your son or daughter, will he want to be involved with a bastard child who probably is a punk. Why would any man want to get involved in a woman who has baggage, beginning relationships don't work if you can't devote 100 percent to a relationship. Any man who gets involved with a woman with children is going into that relationship as a second fiddle.

Just thinking... Look at this statistic, and consider how many of these women may decide they wanta life with childern, but would assume forgo the man.

The National Resource Council estimates the percent of the U.S. population which has been sexually abused to range from a low of 20-24 percent to a high of 54-62 percent of the population; the higher estimate includes sexualized exposure without touching, such as masturbating in front of the child.1 The largest retrospective study on the prevalence of child sexual abuse found 27 percent of women and 16 percent of men reported abuse.4

As a 21 yr. old single mother (not by choice!), what I have a problem with is not BEING a single parent, but with CHOOSING that lifestyle for your child to deal with. I'm sure the majority of people who find themselves single parents, did not think that was the situation they would end up in when they got into a relationship/got married/whatever, and had kids. There is only one word to describe this woman and that word is SELFISH. She wanted a baby like a child wants a shiny new toy at the toy store. It doesn't matter how "educated" or "financially secure" she is. Children are supposed to be the product of a loving relationship with two parents. Boasting about artificially inseminating oneself with a turkey baster just shows how sick and demoralized our culture has become. Although my daughter's father is an active part of her life, I still mourn the fact that she doesn't have an intact family. Everytime I leave her to go to work or school, it kills me even though I am bettering myself and making a living. Which brings me to my next point. If this woman is so well-off then she must have a full-time job. Where does that leave her toddler? Most likely in daycare or under the supervision of someone else who is not his mother. This is an ideal life for a child how? People underestimate how much a father contributes to a child's growth and emotional health. We live in a very hedonistic society, and this woman is living proof.