Knocking Yourself Up

I am not married to the father of my 2 sons, but we have been together 10 years and the boys are 8 and 5. I have a college degree and consider myself very high functioning. I enrich the lives of my children every day, and the boys and I do everything together. The dad works 2 jobs and rarely goes anywhere with us, although he loves his son. I look at my sisters and my friends, and I see that even married women are really "single moms". Just like the generation before us, women do almost all of the childcare. If I had not met the boys dad, I would have had kids on my own, nd would have been able to provide a good life for them, just like I do now. I see young moms struggling with parenthood, and at 41 years old I wonder "what were these girls thinking" How could they be so ignorant as to think that you don't need money, and lots of it, to raise a child, additionally how could they think that the boy who got them pregnant, would still be around by the due date, or at best by the one year birthday? Don't these girls read the papers? Young, single, and poor is not a recipe for happiness.

Just out of Curiosity why do these women need to have children without a father are they real ugly or does a man in their life not fit in, or he is not Mr. right, just to let you all in on a little secret nobody is perfect. I think the women who are having these types of procedures are selfish and insecure and need to get over their self and do the natural thing and have sex. Is you job or career to important to find the right person to start a family with? What will happen to the child when he or she does not fit in anymore? What happens to the child? Having children to make your self feel better is not the right thing to do.

I think the issue is that a lot of women feel the need to have a child and they can't find a man at all, because a lot of men still are looking for that Barbie doll of a wife, even in their 30's. I am only twenty years old and studying in the psych field, and already can feel the prejudice from men towards women who are going to school to be well-educated. When I tell them, "I am studying for a doctorate in the near future," they run for the hills! Before the women who are well-educated know it, they are in THEIR 30's, no kids, no husband, entering their 40's, and on the brink of menopause. I'm not sexually active because of the shortage of men who refuse to touch an educated woman. It makes me sick how a woman can be good-looking, or even average looking, and have a nice personality, (I don't want to generalize for those special gems of guys who like educated women) but most men get scared off by that. I hope I do not have to have a child by IVF; I'd rather have my own from a loving husband, but the way Sex and the City went, the way all of these dating books are written which say men don't want to commit, it seems like an uphill battle. My goal right now isn't even to find a husband-but it soon will have to be after I get my Master's or PhD because I will be in my mid-to-late 20's. Though I cringe at having a child come into the world without a father, what I find selfish is how so many men have passed me by, on a personal basis, because I am well-educated, and these men seek looks before brains in women. This is the shame of our society.

As much as you may want a baby, it takes a stong commitment to do so on your own and leaves your baby at a disadvantage role model wise. Mom, dad, boy or girl a new person needs a perspective from more than one source. A stable, secure and loving source. Thats what a parent is.
You'are not important, your child is.

I was raised in a single parent home with my mother. I am now a successful 27 year old woman. I did not drop out of school rather I went on to college and graduated to become a teacher. Also I did not have a baby as a teenager and no I did not have an abortion either. Studies sometimes shove groups of people in a predetermined group that is not always the correct one. What would happen if a child heard of the statistics from this article about single parenthood and just accepted that they would be a failure? Then where would our future of our children lie? The future lies in providing positive feedback regardless of the study at hand. Who benefits from negative research? No one.

My mom was a single mom with six kids while our father was out there doing his own thing. She raise us and even though each of our lives are not perfect we are grateful. Right now, I am currently 30 years old, college educated and about to pursue my masters with no children. I am not waiting for "Mr. Husband to Be" to come into my life. When I finished my masters and after about a year or two in my new career, believe me when I say one way or another I will bring forth a child into this world, regardless if the ring in on my fingers or not. Being a single parent does not mean that your child or children will have less of a chance than a child from a dual parent home. Thats ridiculous. Heck, 1/2 of those co-parenting homes are rife with cheating, fighting, and out "keep it in the closets" type of scandals that have yet to make it to the front door. I say if you are strong, capable, earning a very decent income, and can stand on your own feet, with the maturity level to raise a childo n your own. Go for it! and Lord help the fool or in this case the man who cannot even give birth, that gets in your way. Nicole

If a woman is able financially and physically to nurture and care for a child it is her right to choose regardless of if there's a man in her life or not. Having one parent does not matter as long as that parent is a good one. My parents were married when I was born and divorced 16 months later, my mother only had me to try and save the marriage. I stopped talking to her when I was 9 years old and haven't spoken to her since. I CHOSE to have one parent. I would have much rather of had a mother who wanted me more than anything and no father, than a mother who had me as a marriage pick me up and a father who only took full custody of me to impress his new wife........ So if a woman is so passionate about having a child that she will do it without a husband she obviously has a lot of conviction and belief that she can and will do everything for that child. And only an ignorant male would liken it to getting a darn puppy. You don't carry a puppy around inside you for 9 months and make it your every thought and priority for the rest of your life. If a woman goes through with something like this she obviously gave it a TON of thought because there is so much a woman has to sacrifice being a single mother.

Has anyone given any thought to the fact that due to the anonymity involved with many of these methods we are setting these children up for meeting, falling in love with, and mating with their own brother, sister, or cousin? I am certain that has happened numerous times already. I applaud single mothers, but do hope that the aforementioned concern is considered as well.

Please think long and hard before attempting to do the world's most difficult, unrelenting and expensive job
(parenting) alone. I am fully aware of the fact that many married couples get divorced, seperated, die, etc.
The big difference with these traditional relationships and these "single moms by choice" is they begin with a support network and extended families which may be able to lend assistance. Beleive me when I tell you
there will be many times when two parents aren't enough. In the 26 plus years I have attempted to raise my four children I have been faced with enough unexpected situations I could write a book. Let me also say they
are my pride and joy and I would never be able to imagine my life without them. This generation of young
( and not so young) working women who were sold this bill of goods about the ability to have it all are finally
coming to the realization this was a lie. No one has everything in this life, having something of value means you have to sacrifice or forgo having something else of value. This notion that you can just schedule parenting in as one of the entries on your calender or blackberry is ludicrous. These irrational ideas regarding single parenthood by choice will be soon regretted. Children seldom if ever approximate the ideas or notions of what their parents think they will be. In addition you will be consistently trying to explain your single parent by choice decision to them for a good portion of their lives. Good Luck.

Just out of Curiosity why do these women need to have children without a father are they real ugly or does a man in their life not fit in, or he is not Mr. right, just to let you all in on a little secret nobody is perfect. I think the women who are having these types of procedures are selfish and insecure and need to get over their self and do the natural thing and have sex. Is you job or career to important to find the right person to start a family with? What will happen to the child when he or she does not fit in anymore? What happens to the child? Having children to make your self feel better is not the right thing to do.

There is someone for everyone every other alternatives are just selfish excuses. Men do not want comittment and neither do women these days. They want to run their own show and of course are so educated, beautiful and confident they don't need any help. NOT! We can try and alter our creators purpose and ways of getting there but as obvious as it is OUR WAY is what continues to drown us deeper into the cesspool of immorality, murder and death. Oh well the Bible has told us this is the course we would take so I am not surprised.

to justmyopinion- Using your logic, we shouldn't talk about rape as being a bad thing for fear of hurting the feelings of children who are a product of it.

It cannot be the case that women - no matter how eager, well-adjusted, or financially independent we are - should be "allowed" to have children simply because we "want" to. Biology was never about "fairness" or fulfilling desires we think we have somehow "earned" the satisfaction of. As women, we are only confused to believe that a child is owed to us as a measure of self-fulfillment, and we are especially confused to think that science should provide that fulfilmment simply because it can. By embracing that which most tidily and conveniently fulfills us - a turkey baster, of all meaningless things - we effectively divorce ourselves from real human experience and generate children who are equally isolated from themselves.

I was raised by a single, widowed mother, which was hard and I certainly understood a lacking in my life even as a child. But I at least had the comfort of knowing that my parents loved each other and that I had my father's nose. Who wants to have the nose of a turkey baster?

I support all single mothers. They are to be admired because even though there may be many different reasons for not having a spouse they still offer love and care for their children. Ideally it would be nice to have a spouse to assist in raising a child but if a woman has the inclination to have children and she feels she has the means then why should she be alone? She would be a better parent than those who abuse their children and then at least she would have the chance to fufill a desire she has. I support all the single mothers out there you are amazing!

I Am a far better choice than a turkey baster ; and a lot more enjoyable as a side benefit. I would adore and love to be a father and obviously can't do that by myself with or without a turkey baster. If there were women that were emotionally and financially secure that would relish the idea of not only having a child but a man that wants to be involved as the father throughout that childs life; without all the drama of being a bound to a controlling husband, then i'm available. I'm well educated, intelligent, artistic, athletic and love kids . I don't drink alcohol ever. There is no history of cancer, mental illness, or birth-defects anywhere in my family history. I don't smoke cigarettes or use any kind of drugs legal or illegal. My height is six feet and 180 pounds. My eyes are blue and my hair is graying now from blonde. Serious inquiries responded too with my own questions and answers. I have two daughters already from two seperate moms. They are delightful , adorablly talented girls. I want more and can be as involved as desired. Hopefully the right woman will appreciate my lifelong education in health and fitness along with my much researched knowledge concerning fertility and sexuality.

I had a mother and a father growing up. I really liked it. I would extend the same privledge to all kids. Not to mention that child rearing is a two person job. The only way one person can do it is to cut corners. Unfortunatley I cannot guarantee all kids will have responsible parents.

The ignorance is dizzying. Who are you to make choices for someone else? Do you have equivocal data on the demographic we are discussing here? We arent talking about unfortunate teen pregnancies. We are talking about capable, well educated women with financial resources and support.

WOMEN ARE JUST BOINKING MEN AND LEAVIN THEM TO BE SINGLE MOMS SO THEY CAN GET GOV. BENIFITS, AND THE CHILD SUPPORT OF COURSE, PLUS WHO DOESN'T WANT A LITTLE RUG-RAT RUNNIN AROUND? ALSO, THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE PITY SINGLE PARENTS, TRUST ME, I KNOW IM TIRED OF PAYIN FOR A BRAND NEW CAR SO BABY MOMMA CAN LIVE AT HOME WITH HER MOM FOR FREE AND SHE CAN HAVE A POSH LIFE, OTHER THAN THAT, IF YOUR OLD AND HAVE A KID BY YOURSELF, YOUR DOING IT FOR YOURSELF, AND THAT IS DEFINATELY NOT THINKING OF THE CHILD.