Knocking Yourself Up

As a 21 yr. old single mother (not by choice!), I find it appalling that someone would be so selfish to intentionally bring a child into the world, purely to quench their own personal maternal thirst. It doesn't matter how "educated" or "financially secure" she is, it is very unfair to purposely deny a child the right to two parents. Fathers play a huge role in the lives of children. Without them, boys have higher rates of drug use and incarceration, while girls have higher rates of promiscuity and teenage pregnancy. In order to be financially stable, she must be working full-time, which leaves her toddler where? In daycare, or being watched by someone other than his mother. Everytime I leave my 2 yr. old daughter to go to work or school, it kills me even though I am working hard to better myself and make a living. The idea of someone electively making a decision like that is just plain selfish. That's the only word to describe it. She doesn't care what the effects of not having a father will have on her son, as long as her wants were met. Babies are humans that need families, if you want amusement...get a dog.

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Definitely people in general have to understand that Mr. or Miss right do not exist, due to the simple fact of our human condition.

I will argue that when it comes to criticizing men I in general that; that men and raised by women for the most part; therefore I would take and introspective look inside as a woman and ask ???Who???s real fault or mistake is it??? (IF ANY).

We are failing as a civilized society and not paying any attention to our kids because we are too busy with our life, carrier or whatever it is that fulfill our lives.

Do not expect miracles, children without both genders involved in their lives definitely will not be balanced people regardless.

May be and just maybe if we are less selfish and dedicate more time to our children future women and men generations will find more close prospects to Mr or Miss right.

Our society is in peril but we are too busy or egocentric to recognize it, it is better to blame it on someone else.

I'm a twice married woman who had three sons (now all grown) with my first husband and a boy and a girl (twins) with my second husband who is now deceased. I'm mid-fifty and raising them alone and it's been a wonderful experience. I love kids and it's much easier without a husband. There aren't any discussions on who the sitter should be, what school they should attend, or fights about the grand parents. There are no differences in parenting styles or consisitency. I would highly recommend having children, whether you are married or not. It's an experience you should not miss. What ever opinion men may offer, ignore it, they have no idea. Children would rather have two parents, but they can definitely adjust well to having one parent. That's what life is about, adjusting to the life you've been given. There are too many divorces these days to have the pompous opinion that married with children is the only way to go!

I say Kudos to women who choose to make their dreams of creating a beautiful family come true with or without a father in the picture. The issue only becomes clouded when women do not have the resources emotionally and financially to care for these kids properly. If the mother is intelligent, well eductated and financially secure, there is no reason not to. Nothing selfish about selfless motherhood!

I think society in general has forgotten that history is not made up of mother and father teams. Historically speaking, many times children were farmed out to other homes to be raised/educated before they even reached their teenage years. I won't even begin to delve into those who believe we have a 'religious duty' to raise all children in a two parent home that includes one male and one female. This is not an issue of feminism. This is a matter of people being good parents. Of people making the decision to raise a child or children because those children are loved and wanted. My childrens' father was not an active parent when we were married and he is even less of a parent now that we are divorced. Yet my children are happier and healthier than they have ever been before. They have strong male role models through their grandfather and uncles. I have made sure of this. While I may not have originally chosen this path, it's where my life has led and I don't regret a moment of it. I'm considering having another child in the next couple of years and I don't feel I need to be married again for that to become a reality.

I think women who create fatherless babies intentionally need to get a pet to "love" rather than selfishly depriving a person of a real family and a real father. These people cannot see beyond their own selfish needs and the child is their emotional crutch rather than an individual. Why not, instead, adopt a child who is already alone and in need? Maybe because it's too difficult. Any living creature can squeeze out a baby.

Amen to Marblehill-
The days of looking for the "tall, dark and handsome football player type" are over. IF the guy doesn't fit that bill then he has to make tons of money. If the man meets neither of these bills then you women are opting to have children by yourself by picking sperm donors who meet these bills? Being a man in his late 30's, I would love to have children but have been married and now divorcing because of a selfish woman who wanted her cake and eat it too. Now she is pregnant with another man's child and claiming it to be mine because she KNOWS I always wanted children.

the comments about leaving it up to god are absolutely insulting. If your god is so powerful then why doesn't he fix it? Let's keep the conversation in the realm of logic and not fairy tales.

When I was 23, I had a female friend of the same age who was earning good money as an IT professional and decided to go ahead and have a baby. Although I openly supported her decision, deep down I did not approve that she wanted to have a child out of wedlock because I came from a conservative background. Now she is 30, has a 6 yr old healthy, lovely son and is about to get married to the man of her dreams. Oh yeah, and she is doing great professionally. I on the other hand, have spent the better part of my 20s chasing the academic route with nothing much to show for it and no current prospect of true love on the horizon. Before this turns into a pity fest; let me just say that I now wholeheartedly support single motherhood with or without Mr. Right! Thank you.

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Twqo parent homes does not necessarily ensure that parents will prioritize the raising of their children beyond their own goals and desires. However, the capability is there to raise to raise the children in a nuturing environment without neglect. As a single parent, in any situation; divorced, widowed, or by personal choice, there are sacrifices that are made. There has to be food on the table, mommy or daddy just can't take off work for four-five years until the child is in school. Studies have shown that the greatest amount of child development occurs in early childhood. As a single parent, it simply is nearly impossible to be there all time to nuture and teach a child. Parents absolutely should be prepared in case of a calamity. Called contingent parental planning. While single parents can do well, it should not be desirable, as the child will be adversly effected, to one degree or another, negatively. But, people typically put their desires over every everyone else's, and in this discussion, their child's. Sad, really.

I believe that a woman is brave enough to take on the hypocritical and ignorant views of people on single motherhood that there child has a pretty good chance of coming out alright in this world. My father passed away when I was 4 and my mother raised me alone. We were not rich by any means but she worked her butt off and started two businesses from scratch while I was in every extracurricular activity I wanted to try throughout school. College was not an option in our house ... it was a requirement. Cinderella did not ride off into the sunset with prince charming in my fairytales, she went to college and chose to get married later. I am thankful that my mother was a strong single mother because she made me a strong woman. I am proud of every woman who makes a choice to bring a child into this world and give them a good and healthy home. Ignore the studies and the ignorant.

i agree

I have been thinking about being a single independent mother and I'm glad I'm not alone in this debate about out choices. I know there is a big debate about this choice, but I am older and financially independent with my own house and loving family if I need any advice.

leave your God at home or I'll bring all of mine. This is a discussion about families and potential families and how they are changing. I would prefer to see children who have two parents as well, but I have seen both successful and unsuccessful single parents of both sexes, which tells me one thing. Some people will do well no matter what and some people will screw things up no matter what. And the god of Abraham, whom I can only assume you are speaking of, is a god of hate, strife, and refuses to give women the rights they deserve as humans. So this father of three beautiful children who happens to have a wonderful wife, simply thinks this article is interesting.

I have the utmost respect for single parents. Parenting is not easy. Being married for 7 years, I realize that marriage is consistently working on your your relationship skills. Likewise good parneting is teaching your children social skills. Do you find your self telling your kids just do it! I now I have. Why, becasue it can can be frustrating to negotiate

I think that it is very important for the children to have both a mother and father. We ( as women) need to quit being selfish about having children - thinking it is all about us. The children are what is important here...
Although I think that if you are unable to have children (for whatever reason) then there is a need for people to be artificially seeking assistance - but if your only reason for doing this is to fulfill a selfish need - then you may be doing more harm to the child than you think.... maybe it is something to think about.
Perhaps you think that you can provide a stable home, etc - but what about the child's ultimate need to know their father - what do you do then -. What do you do when you can not fulfill their desires to know where they came from - it is much better for children to have a relationship with both parents - married or single - than to have nothing at all...

I don't think it is selfish. In my grandmothers days the WHOLE family helped raise the children in a multigenerational home. I have 2 "traditional" grandchildren but if my unmarried daughter opted to have a child on her own I would support her financially and emotionally.