Knocking Yourself Up

I cannot fault women who become single mothers out of necessity or chance-in that case, I applaud these women who can survive and struggle and still try to make the best of a bad situation. My distaste is for women who inpregnate themselves by choice because they haven't found "Mr. Right" (for such a supposedly educated bunch of women, it's amazing so many still believe in a fairy tale) and want a child on top of their fabulous single life. But read articles on children who were raised in these families, and most want to find out where the other half of them comes from. I am not saying children of single mothers will end up twisted and bad people... but they will grow up disadvantaged from having only one parent in their life instead of two. After all, most children get two parents' attention and love or at least financial support. Children of single mothers only get one.
But what truly bothers me is that these educated women are giving birth in an already overpopulated world. Why not adopt? If you insist so fervently that you deserve a child, that you should be in charge of another's life, why not help a child who needs a family, even half of one?

I am all for single motherhood. More power to you! I recently read that a woman can produce her own sperm through her bone marrow. Of couse she can only have daughters. Interesting! I guess mother than doesn't have to worry about her daughter getting half of his (daddy's) charming personality then.

Of course a man and woman partnership is the idea. But what I think is most important is just one loving and murturing parent because usually behind every successful adult was a loving, understanding, always there parent. What a wonderful foundation to have and therefore feel that you can be anything you wish to be.

Children who are loved and properly cared for have the best opportunity to give back to society. Single parents can be as good or better parents than married ones.

I only wish that more women who are choosing single-parenthood would consider ADOPTING the kids that are already here - rather than creating new people from anonymous sperm donating sources. But, to each his own.

I've been reading the comments and it kind of amuses me the positions people are taking in condemning single mothers by choice. I hope to become one and am acively getting sperm pumped into me on a monthly basis. I am a college professor, having spent my twenties and early thirties concentrating on completing my studies and perfecting my craft. I certainly did not make finding a mate a priority in those years. I am unwilling to chance fertility for someone who may or may not be out there. Instead, if he is out there, he will be strong enough to love my child/children as his own.

I am responsible for the education of the teachers who will educate your children. Scary, huh? I infect those teachers with TOLERANCE for the different lifestyle, culture, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, and ability. As a part of that instruction, I help my future teachers understand that narrow-mindedness is a disability. By condeming the other, you are doing nothing more than seeing your own point of view. Instead, people should be trying to understand how our culture has evolved in such a way to be so divisive, to condemn so readily, to not be able to appreciate and understand the other person's point of view.

The argument that children of single mothers will be at a loss compared to married parents is moot. Parenting is a skill that unfortunately not all people possess. As a former teacher, I have seen some real winners, such as the married parent of a child wanting me to give her child a countdown whenever we would be changing activities. Another married parent took her child off Ritalin after watching the Montel show for her doctor's advice (the child never did learn to read with skill). Another married parent decided to publicly spank her child when he was caught with his pants down masturbating in class (even though she knew he had been sexually molested but did not take him to counseling). Another married parent was the punching bag of her husband, resulting in my student being terrified to go home each night, worrying what would become of Mama. I have seen some real winners of kids and their parents. In all these cases, parenting was the decisive issue. I have seen and worked with many married parents who had happy well-adjusted children. I have also seen and worked with many single parents who had happy well-adjusted children. Therefore, the singleness is not the issue.

I hope this helps people think outside the box ... in order to grow as a society, someone must think and act deviantly, or no progress occurs.

I am a smc. I have a daughter from an early marriage that didn't work and I have a son through IVF. I would challenge any of you to put your children in a room with my children and choose which children are from a single parent family. My daughter was reading at four, learned a secondn language fluently in her elementary school, participated in sports, dance and drama and graduated in the top 5 in her 8th grade class. She's in high school and is active in extra curricular activities, does charity work, earns excellent grades, loves to hang out at home with her friends and recently got a job because she wanted to learn about saving/handling her own money. My three year old son has the language skills of a 6 year old, is incredibly well adjusted, loves his friends/teachers at "school" and has an amazing imagination. These are fabulous, wonderful, awesome kids and I'm blessed to be their mommy. I hope each and everyone of you feel the same about your children. I also hope you remember to tell them everyday how very lucky you are that they are part of your lives.

I think it is worth pointing out here that the family structure some here complain is "falling apart" is also artificially developed by human culture. A number of historical cultural factors led to the development of formal marriage, many of which were based upon the subordination of women. This is not to say that it is not possible or desirable to bring an equal man and woman together in modern times, possibly even to spend their lives (several times longer than they would have been just a few centuries ago) together. It is simply to say that there is no "natural" family structure; there is only what we develop via our culture. Given the dramatic cultural developments over the last half-century (and I refer here mainly to developments which have raised a majority of people -- women, minorities, etc. -- from their positions of societal inferiority), it is not surprising that there will be changes in those institutions which were developed by cultural traditions. The first and most obvious of these is the relatively new phenomenon of divorce, which somewhat inevitably has given way to a far more open concept of family. Today, in better educated circles, "family" means something different than it meant decades ago, though there are clearly still some people not in the loop on this reality.

As for the children of single mothers by choice, it is not the loving mom who wanted them and pours herself into their happiness that is hurtful to them -- it is the remaining unenlightened members of society who cling to their old-fashioned notions and tell these children that theirs is not an ideal family. What is an ideal family anyway? I have seen happy well-adjusted families with two parents and with one, depending upon their relationships within the family. There are also many unhappy and disfunctional families, a phenomenon that may even be more likely when there are two adults and thus a greater potential for conflict than there would be with just one. If a married couple loves each other and gets along forever and treats their children wonderfully, that is great, but this scenario is not only a small minority one today, it has always been so (just less openly in the past). It is wonderful to know that more well-adjusted, loving, intelligent women are giving themselves to children even when life hasn't sent them the ideal mate, as these children are very fortunate indeed. I am far more concerned about the children of divorced and fighting parents who married each other because they believed the people who told them they had to marry to have children, as those children suffer for that decision made under artificial pressures.

spiritwomyn - wow, you made the same mistake three times. Sounds like you have daddy issues. Always looking for a father figure?

A child needs a man in there lives. Mothers are always way to forgiving and baby their kids. A man needs to be around to smack them in the face when they mess up.

Well so many marriages end in divorce which causes such hell for children. And most courts still have no real clue what is in the best interest of children and instead choose the better heeled parent. Also with the increasing rise in domestic violence and men who treat women like dirt and cheat on them anyway, why not just strat off single?
I have had three marriages, all of my husbands came from up class homes, did not drink, drug or smoke and appeared to be spiritually minded. Sadly they all hated their mothers and took it out on me and the children. today I am single and I feel healthier and free. I say go for it. The vast majority of homes are single parent anyway and all the religious frauds should support and help them, not tear them down. After all its the Male dominate religions that have harmed women world wide.

I don't think it should matter whether or not you are married to have children either way you can f*ck up your kids. There are blithering idiots having children everyday. Uneducated and poor people who just lay down randomly with people they just met and become pregnant and have the baby and then think the state should take care of them. Well I commend women who are more than willing to take the risk who are educated and self sufficient that want to have children. Look at all the women who just give their children up or abort them because they messed up or both "parents" didn't want a baby. These single women should not be frowned upon because they are single and want a family. Just because you are a man and stuck around after the birth doesn't make you a good dad.

I used to believe it was important to have a parent at home. But my stay at home spouse and I did a mediocre job of raising our children. My best efforts were slanted towards trying to do what my parents didn't do well, and yet repeating their mistakes, and focusing on being a "financial" success.

Since the "stay at home" concept failed, I've changed my attitude. I'm all for any parent that's willing to put 110% into child rearing. While some people deem it selfish to to have a child alone, I consider it brave and can see how it would be fullfilling.

I've seen comments saying that it was anti-christian - while I'm not an expert, it seems that some epople would liek to decide what their God wants - If their God didn't want a single parent to to intentionally have children, their God wouldn't let it happen.

It's not very Christian to be a single parent. Especially a single mother. It's not good for America. These selfish women need to be spayed like cats. If we are going to compete with these other countries we need healthy balanced children. And not selfish old hags.

I agree with some of the comments here that these single women are selfish...they seem to think that a baby is just like a favourite pet dog, I'm sure they can love it very much but I do not know if they are aware of the distinction. The baby aritificially inseminated from sperm donor to them is just one of a prize that women want to give themselves for reward of their own accomplishment. You're successful, you got your own condo, own car, exotic vacation, beautiful dog, large falt screen TV,... now I want a "baby"! that's one thing that is missing in me and I need that final component for my "self-actualization"!

It is totally fine if older single women want to become pregnant and raise kids on thier own. Stick to your own words, and do not come back and ask for child support from sperm donors when you run out of money (like your sisters in Europe do)