Knocking Yourself Up

It's sad that so many depict a woman making the choice to have a child as a single parent as selfish, if the woman chooses to go to a sperm bank instead of getting "knocked up" the traditional way, yet I'm guessing those of you who are judging would also be equally ugly in your judgements if the same woman was knocked up by traditional means and then making the choice not to be a mother after all. Just the nine months of pregnancy alone are extremely difficult, can be painful and dangerous, and that's before having to deal with being responsible for another living being OUTSIDE of one's body and making certain that that person grows up to be a responsible human (and I'm guessing the women profiled in the book all have that objective in mind, not "oh hey, I'll have a baby I can raise to be substandard and a criminal". It is not a selfish act, but one that does require the right kind of financial and psychological resources to do well.

It seems people would have an understanding of the difference between a young 'twenty-something' accidentally getting pregnant and deciding to keep the baby and a financially secure woman ready for motherhood using articifical insemination to achieve pregnancy. It is also absurd to think this is a decision anyone would take lightly or go through with without having made plans for the possibility of something happening to the mother. I don't think it's up to me to judge someone who wants so badly to be a mother that this route feels to her to be the right path. I don't think it's up to anyone to condemn someone so hatefully as so many of the people commenting below have. And to call someone selfish for wanting to devote themselves to raising a child is very contradictive. I would also hope, however, that women considering this option will also consider becoming a foster parent and/or adopting a child from the foster care system. These kids would be incredibly happy to have a home and family, even if that family consists of a mother and nothing more, it's still more than they have to begin with.

I worked for a woman for about 3 years that was artificially inseminated and I can't tell you how many times I had to think, "Why?" She's in a professional job atmosphere, no husband and barely any time to spend with her kids. In those 3 years that I was working for her, I watched these children grow up and saw the effects that not having a father had on them. I think artifical insemination is a selfish thing for any woman to do because she's not thinking about the child and how the child will feel when he or she turns 16 and wants to know why all the other kids have daddies and she doesn't. All she is thinking about is herself and what she wants. Every child deserves a dad...or at least deserves to know that she has a dad and that he has a name.

I worked for a woman for about 3 years that was artificially inseminated and I can't tell you how many times I had to think, "Why?" She's in a professional job atmosphere, no husband and barely any time to spend with her kids. In those 3 years that I was working for her, I watched these children grow up and saw the effects that not having a father had on them. I think artifical insemination is a selfish thing for any woman to do because she's not thinking about the child and how the child will feel when he or she turns 16 and wants to know why all the other kids have daddies and she doesn't. All she is thinking about is herself and what she wants. Every child deserves a dad...or at least deserves to know that she has a dad and that he has a name.

I could never make the decision to have a baby on my own just because I had not found the "right guy". If something happened to me I would not want to have someone raise my child because I felt that I HAD to have my own child to feel complete. Of course there would be the chance that something could happen to me and my husband if I were to be married and have children. But at least if it only happened to me then at least the child had one parent to take care of them and not put that responsibility on another family member or friend.

I know for myself, I could never do this because if something happened to me I would not want to have someone else have to raise my child just because I felt that I HAD to have a child. Of course even if I was married there may be a chance that something could happen to both me and my husband. But if something did happen to just me at least the child would still have a parent to take care of them.

If someone has such a strong desire to be a parent, but is not in a committed relationship, why not adopt? I know adopting a baby within the United States takes a long time and going abroad is expensive. However, what about all of the older children in foster care that want a parent as desperately (if not more) as some of these single people want a child?

Questions: "What can a Single Mother by choice tell her Turkey-Baster son about his father?"

Answer: "...He was good with his hands."


It is interesting to note that half of the children born to this arrangement will be boys. What type of world view will be offered to this child to his role as a man in this world?

Question: "What can a Single mother by choice tell her Turkey-baster son about his father?"

Answer: "...He was good with his hands."

It is interesting to note that half of the children born to this arrangement will be boys. What kind of world view will these mothers have to offer their sons about what his role should be as a man?

Selfish!

I can sum up these women in one word... SELFISH!

I actually wrote about this trend last week -- and pointed out a few reasons why younger women in particular are saying they have decided to forgo marriage, as well as why older women sometimes find themselves choosing this route because the men in their life do not want to have children. If you're interested, the post is at: http://choicemom.blogspot.com/

My story...single mother first (not by a turkey baster), then married---and was severly abused..and back to single motherhood. My boys deserve to see a stable loving parent who can give them what they need and not just what their father needs. (This goes both ways if the mother is unfit and the father is the more stable and devoted parent.) This teaches my boys the right way to become a "man" and not end up in the correctional system, which my soon to be ex is employed in as a CO--How funny is that???. I have a college degree and am "well off"--but unfortuately so many women stay in bad relationships and marriages because they are financially dependent on men for their survival, which ultimately could kill them---how sad is our society if this is the case. But there is no excuse to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids...they see violence and then they emulate it. Single by choice and circumstance, my boys adore me and are very productive, highly eduated, church going and choir singing "good" boys--and 1 is high functioning special needs. I know they will be good men. This is NOT selfish because I chose to give my children the best possible life lesson. I teach them this; Cherish and respect what you have, take care of your responsibilities and no matter what I will always be there for you in good and bad. I could not say that for their father as he created his own legacy and destruction. For my children to witness that any more would be negelcting them and their emotions. Single mother, married mother, longing to be a mother...don't judge women so harshly because their is no greater bond than between a loving, caring and devoted mother (and/or father) and their child. Men are not bad and useless..but I emphasize MEN and not just a grown male over 30. They bring quite a bit to the table of raising children provided they are stable and are ready to provide for ALL the childs' needs--financial, emotional, spiritual, social etc. God gave me boys to show them the right way to become a MAN. I don't regreat for one second having my children.

Sam_I_Am, you should be proud of your daughter. I was very lucky to have a supportive and caring father for my children, that doesn't mean that you are not capable of raising a wonderful child too. It is very difficult raising children and my mother was not an appropriate candidate for motherhood. I just feel that for mothers WHO HAVE A CHOICE, it is better to have a two parent environment for their children.

I grew up in a single mother setting when my father died when I was young. I wouldn't wish that on any child and for a woman to decide this for her child is the height of selfishness. As the mother of three adult children now I cannot imagine what my children would have missed without their father being present in their lives.

I was a product of the "Donna Reed" era. Marry, do everything for your husband and take a back seat to him. Then I became a single mother, not by choice, but like many other women, by abandonment. My ex-husband was more than willing to pay the monthly child support, but spending time with his children was too much to ask. I don't regret my life or raising my children, but why do women have to take all the heat. I work as an RN in labor and delivery and this comment could go on alot longer. Our society supports families not staying together and then judges them for it. Our children are the ones paying. I was lucky. I have three great adult children who through some miracle grew into good people. I wish everyone well with their own situations.

Wow. The selfishness of these single mothers is stunning. They're so intent on pursuing THEIR desires to have children that they don't stop to consider what's best for the child. I don't think there can be any question that a two-parent family is what's best for a child, and it's like these women just don't care. I'm appalled. As a married mother of a daughter, I see the difference my husband makes in our daughter's life, in her self esteem, and in her approach to life. I'm a better mom because I have somebody to share the load with me. (We all love children, but we all need downtime at times. I don't have to farm out my child to others when I need to handle other obligations: that's time when daddy and daughter get to bond.