Knocking Yourself Up

I'm a 41 year old single women and think that women today have come a long way from my grandmothers days were you are told to get married and then have a baby. This same topic have come up in my circle of friends and I told them that I would be willing to try having a baby that way since this will be the first one

WOW... Dont like that ''HEMANS'' comment , First I am sure your mailorder bride thinks you are wonderful , she doesn't know the language enough to see you are illiterate . Anyway, I hope you are happy but with an attitude like that , I doubt it. Would bet you took her passport away also ? .I am a single 41 year old ''MOM'' and it does break my heart to be such . And no, I dont hang out at the mall.The cowboy I was in love with was all talk and no walk. I am very saddened and confused but I kept my son who was born May 5th 2007. I tried to include his ''DADDY '' all the way , I even had to endure his new girlfriend calling me at the hospital and alarming the nurses with her radical behaviour . While waiting for the specialist to deliver my ''stuck in the birth canal, his heart rate is dropping '' baby. My ex thought it would be an appropriate time to ask about DNA testing , his behaviour was so crass they wanted to take drug testing on my baby..Anyway my son and I are ok together the ''daddy '' doesnt even call and yes, I want child support, for me if my ex had been man enough I would have gotten married..Men can't be angry because women can do it without them and if they dont like working two jobs to pay child support maybe they should be a lot more careful where they leave their sperm.. Amazing how similair love and lust are in the dark , I just want to say ''thanks ''to the women out there , that make a site like this available .Cause I am still lost about what to do when my son wants to know his father. I mean what does my ex have to teach him , how to lie ? how to be two faced ? how to tell a woman what she wants to hear then abandon her when she falls for it all . For me I'll do this on my own and I am sorry if I hurt GOD but gentleman what was my alternative ?

Rustman - I agree. Sex is not a weapon, it's how marriage is forged in steel. No sex, no love. Best quote I ever heard, Men give love for sex, women give sex for love. If it is a weapon, then how can a guy be faithful and a womens emotional needs be met. It scant be a one way street.

I think when you are considering having a child. You must put the child first and do what is best for the child. In America, we often think of what will work or what will do. We need to change our mind set and do things the best way and not take short cuts. It is not best for the child to not have a father. That is all that needs to be said. It would be better for a woman to marry a good man that is a friend and have a child with them. Life is never perfect. We need to turn the TV off and wake up and realize that. If you want to have a child, do it the right way, don't be selfish. A child needs to have a father.

eurobee_82303
Dont you realize that if something in marriage fails and they claim to be a christian it is because of the sin they were walking in. It does not mean that it is how christ lived. You see that is the problem with people who look at christians. They are looking at the people not Christ

I think it is quite interesting that the more rights and benefits women receive (either from the courts or society) the more they hate men. Stop the bitterness ladies.

to everyone who keeps bringing up the point of adopting:
I would LOVE to adopt. But it's just too expensive. In this market driven society where the adoption agency can take one look at your house and suddenly your adoption rates double, that's just not fair. And when they want to keep visiting you and charging for the additional visits, even though you already have kids and would be considered a no brainer to bring another one into your home. THAT"S JUST NOT FAIR. It's not fair when you're priced out of adopting.

I believe that by nature the woman has much more the need to be a mom than actually to have a man beside her. A man is much more the means to achieve the motherhood. The love, passion and whatever are the trick that the nature found to approximate woman and man to guarantee the procreation and the sustainability of the species. Nowadays the woman being financially independent and aware of that reality is looking for ways like a divorce after getting the babies or even being a single parent.

INSEMINATION IS EXPENSIVE. WHEN A WOMAN MAKES THE DECISION TO INSEMINATE, SHE TRULY HAS A DESIRE TO RAISE THAT CHILD IN A LOVING ENVIRONMENT, IT'S BY NO MEANS A FLY BY NIGHT DECISION. THE CHILD WON'T BE AN ACCIDENT OR SURPRISE, THERE WON'T BE LEGAL ISSUES BECAUSE A WOMAN DECIDED TO TRAP SOME POOR GUY FOR CHILD SUPPORT BY HAVING HIS BABY, AND I CAN ASSURE YOU, THE DIFFERENCE IN THAT CHILD'S LIFE WILL BE THAT MOM SO WANTED A CHILD, SHE WENT TO GREAT LENGTHS TO BEAR WHAT WILL BE THE LOVE OF HER LIFE. A MAN CAN BE IN ANYONE'S LIFE, HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, CREATE A CHILD, BUT A FATHER IS WHAT WOULD MAKE THAT DIFFERENCE. WE ARE NOT ALL AS LUCKY AS YOU LADIES WHO THINK WE ARE UGLY, OR SELFISH, AND CAN'T FIND A MAN. WE ARE INDEPENDANT WOMEN WHO HAVE NO ISSUES AT ALL WITH MEN. WE ARE JUST MAKING THE CHOICE TO HAVE A CHILD, A GIFT. HOW MANY OF YOU CHOSE TO HAVE A CHILD BECAUSE YOU TRULY WANTED A FAMILY, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE FOR YOUR CHILDREN WHEN THEY ASK THE SILLIEST OF QUESTIONS AND YOU MAKE THE TIME TO ANSWER THEM. HOW MANY OF YOU PUSH YOUR KIDS AWAY WHEN YOU ARE TOO BUSY WITH WHATEVER?
IF A WOMAN MAKES THE CHOICE TO WANT A CHILD AND INSEMINATION IS HER CHOICE, RESPECT THAT WOMAN AND HER CHOICE. NOBODY JUDGED YOU WHEN YOU HAD BABIES AND WEREN'T PREPARED, NOBODY INSULTED YOU WHEN YOU CHOSE TO STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP POSSIBLY ENDANGERING YOUR CHILDREN. SOMEONE IS ALWAYS GOING TO MAKE A CHOICE THAT YOU ARE NOT HAPPY ABOUT. INSEMINATION IS AN OPPORTUNITY, A GIFT FOR THOSE OF US WHO ADMIRE YOU WHO HAVE CHILDREN AND WANT THE SAME JOY.

Ritz:
funny thing is I have read it. Many many times. Each time it becomes more horrifying. You must have read the bible quote calender or something (the one with a happy bible quote for each month) because the king james version and several others are all filled with hate.

God sent mighty plagues upon an entire nation (Egypt). He then killed all the first born sons of that nation. He then sacrificed his only son (nailed to a cross I might add). He demanded that Abraham kill his own son on an altar. He claims to be omnipotent (that means all powerfull ;) ) and yet allows adults to rape children.

Yupper, the main message is hate and fear and pain. No room for love in the bible.

cowdragon ; what? Abrahamic religions? WTF is that? Abram is the father of all of us. Thats what makes me laugh about Islam. But, thats a whole other debate. Get a clue. The only part of the bible that actual talks of punishment, is Dueteronomy. And everyone is stoned to death according to deathly punishment. Come on, quit misleading people.

Men, don't buy into the BS. Don't get cowed into an abusive relationship by some overbearing matriarch who believes a man's place is to feel ashamed and apologitic for being a man and actually having Man's needs. If someone is blaming you, or men in general, for the poor choices that THEY made concerning the people that THEY CHOSE to associate with, then they are not who you want to be with. We deserve better than that.

I invite all the men on this forum to visit www.nomarriage.com and get informed.

i am 18 years old and raised primarily by my mother. Though my financial stablity may have been somewhat lacking growing up, i have no complaints. It was through this struggle that my 3 siblings and i have grown to appriciate what we have, as opposed to those i witness that had more "advantages." my siblings and i feel lucky to have come from the single mother situation. While she may not have been educated, she knew the benefits of an education and always pushed us to do well in school, and i am currently enrolled in washington state university. my mother was too busy providing for us to attend many school conferences, but we are not lacking because of it. i resent the teacher that mentioned how rough single parent children have it, for we have grown through our stuggles. i never had anything handed to me, i had to work for it. children with everything handed to them in childhood will not be able to function properly in the real world, without the advantages they had as a child. this is why we are the generation most likely to continue living at home until marriage. we are not to be pitied, and i am your typical, well-rounded college student, who can interact with my peers effectivley and have a normal romantic life, even without a father.

and why is it that the majority is trying to tell the minotiry how to live their lives? is it really the married couple bussiness to tell a woman she should not be allowed to reproduce? and for what reason? not everybody is a christian, so not everybody is going to abide by the ways of the bible. christians are picking passages from the bible that suit their lifestyle and ignoring the rest.

It is not that these women are man haters, it is just they they refuse to settle on a man. why reproduce with someone you dont love when this could end in divorce, anyway? and bring a child into a marriage without love? isnt it possible that this could also have some negative reprocutions?

What's wrong with some of you people? "How's a girl going to know if she's found Mr. Right if she doesn't have a father figure?" Are you serious? I don't want to marry a guy that is like my father. Nor do I need my father to tell me what kind of man is right for me. This society is based on choices and I'm going to make mine whether they be right or wrong and whether or not some one else agrees with them or not.

Dear Debbs: I read your post. You are illiterate. And you think you can raise a child?
Roadam

INTRAVIEWER, do you really believe that any God would punish an unborn child by damning it's soul because of the action of the mother? The mother failed the test not the child. Your time on earth is for serving others and being an example and help for those who are less fortunate. If you need to have a child then seek to care for those that have been thrown away. Most on the posts have said that being the biological parent isn't the most important thing. Well how about some action. If you are a sucessfull single person and want a child to love then adopt. Give a soul delivered a hand up. Your god will remember this and you will receive your reward in seeing the child you have taken into your heart and home grow into a caring person and maybe one less name on a role in a prision or even worse a cemetary...

i am 18 years old and raised primarily by my mother. Though my financial stablity may have been somewhat lacking growing up, i have no complaints. It was through this struggle that my 3 siblings and i have grown to appriciate what we have, as opposed to those i witness that had more "advantages." my siblings and i feel lucky to have come from the single mother situation. While she may not have been educated, she knew the benefits of an education and always pushed us to do well in school, and i am currently enrolled in washington state university. my mother was too busy providing for us to attend many school conferences, but we are not lacking because of it. i resent the teacher that mentioned how rough single parent children have it, for we have grown through our stuggles. i never had anything handed to me, i had to work for it. children with everything handed to them in childhood will not be able to function properly in the real world, without the advantages they had as a child. this is why we are the generation most likely to continue living at home until marriage. we are not to be pitied, and i am your typical, well-rounded college student, who can interact with my peers effectivley and have a normal romantic life, even without a father.

and why is it that the majority is trying to tell the minotiry how to live their lives? is it really the married couple bussiness to tell a woman she should not be allowed to reproduce? and for what reason? not everybody is a christian, so not everybody is going to abide by the ways of the bible. christians are picking passages from the bible that suit their lifestyle and ignoring the rest.

It is not that these women are man haters, it is just they they refuse to settle on a man. why reproduce with someone you dont love when this could end in divorce, anyway? and bring a child into a marriage without love? isnt it possible that this could also have some negative reprocutions?

I am a 32 year old mother of 4 girls. Now, two of thses children are my biological daughters and two are my fiances daughters. Their ages from oldest to youngest are 13 (his), 13 (mine), 13(his) and 12(mine). I was engaged when i had both my daughter but ended the relationship when my youngest was 3 months old. My partner was married to his daughters mother and remained married until his girls were about 8 or 9. I single handedly raised my daughters and choose to stay single for 10 LONG years. I have been with my fiance for two years. Thats the history, now here is the point I would like to make.... My daugthers are caring, empathetic, bubbly, itelligent, respectful young women who (for the most part) well behaved while my step daugthers are delightful, cheerful, beautiful, disrespectful of their elders, cruel to people with issues ( over weight, disabled...), overpowering young women who are sometimes so amazingly, purpopsely annoying that most people around them need to retreat. Attention seekers. Now i should point out that i am not bias, really. i adore all of my children but i am not blind to their faults. My eldest for example can be snappy when she feels on edge and my youngest slams doors when she is angry.... His eldest talks like a baby to get attention and steals and his youngest admits to annoying people with endless questions and delights when she can see the frustration she causes....
Now, my step daugthers were raised in a family situation with a mummy and a daddy. My children were raised by me with no male influence except my step father and occasionally their own father.
I brought my daughters up with the pressence of mind to know that i was raising self sufficient, confidant, caring women who know their own value and self worth. To know that they dont need a man around to be all that they can be. I was ever mindful that i was raising future women.
So it matters not who raises our future men and women, single or married, only that they take the time to do the right thing by us all. Single women who seek out means to fulfil their dreams are not going to raise weak, adults who are fratured by their upbrining. They will raise vibrant, go getters who will strive for excellence and do whatever it takes to succeed in every situation. Strong women raise strong children. Strong children become strong adults who will go on to raise strong children. How can that be bad...