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Helplessly Hopeless EditionMiddle EastSaddam Hussein C.W. Bush = Enough is enough. It's about time you stopped disengagement with a strong speech. Powell = Welcome to the Middle East, which makes the gulf war look like playing jacks. Arafat = Sets new world standard for playing the victim--even as he kills innocents. Sharon = Sets new speed record for turning Passover sympathy into worldwide condemnation. Gumbel - Leaves failing "Early Show." Who'd have thought Greg would be the star of the family? Oprah - Stops book club, claiming can't find one new good read a month. Know any librarians?

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Isn't it ironic: Xerox is hoping it can profit by teaching companies how to reduce their printing.

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