American Beat: Moon Stalker

Aldrin tried to walk away, but the 37-year-old Sibrel followed him onto the street, demanding that Aldrin place his hand on the Bible. "Swear that you walked on the moon!" Sibrel cried.

For a second, a glint crossed Aldrin's eyes as it seemed he was actually considering swearing on Sibrel's actual Bible to something that he actually did do.

But, alas, the hotel doorman came over and broke things up. And then Aldrin put two-and-two together: He had been had been lured to the hotel as part of a ruse by Sibrel, who had arranged for a fake Japanese film crew to interview Aldrin for a fake kids show about space.

At that point, Aldrin finally lost his cool. When Sibrel and his Bible came at him again, Aldrin unleashed a moon shot of his own--right to Sibrel's jaw. (It couldn't have been that much of a punch, though, because less than a second after it landed, Sibrel was already asking his cameraman, "Was that on camera?").

Now, I must admit to you that I was not standing on Rodeo Drive as this action unfolded. Nor am I painting the word picture based on a detailed report from the Beverly Hills Police. No, they were too busy hanging out at the Le Pain Quotidien to fill me in. Rather, I witnessed this textbook case of astronaut-taunting thanks to a videotape that Sibrel provided to the local authorities, the better to convince police that he, not Aldrin, was the victim of an assault.

At this point in the story, it behooves me to ask: Short of taking No-Doz to avoid missing even a minute of a "Battlestar Galactica" marathon on UPN, is there anything that quite qualifies a guy for loserdom than setting up fake interviews with fake Japanese producers and then chasing an ex-astronaut onto the street with a Bible?