American Beat: Bald-Faced Prejudice

So what happened? Isn't it obvious? Tolman became the casualty of a hairy backlash. In other, equally corny, words, voters swept Tolman under the rug. You might even say that voters didn't take a shine to him. Or, if you really wanted to use a bad pun, Tolman's campaign suffered a hair-line fracture.

According to statistics, there are more than 1,300,000 bald or balding white men in Massachusetts (who know the Census Bureau kept such numbers?). So if bald men had just engaged in the cheapest, most gratuitous form of identity politics, Tolman would've cruised to victory.

But bald men don't always do what's in their best interest (witness the combover). In fact, of the 44 male governors in the country, only 12 are bald or balding--almost 50 percent fewer than there statistically should be given the advanced age of those state executives.

How can a bald man in the 38 states with hair-covered leaders be certain that his interests are truly being represented?

[Note to editor: Listen, I know I harp on bald injustice more than you'd like, but, let's face it, baldness is the only thing I actually know something about. I mean, I even wrote a book about it last year called "HAIR! Mankind's Historic Quest to End Baldness." Not that I write columns like this simply to plug my book--like I just did. I write to end prejudice! Of course, who am I to stop someone from clicking here--and buying my book? It's a free country, right?]

Tolman's experience should send a chill down the scalp of former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, who made headlines--as well as headway--last week by finally abandoning his signature 1950s-era combover.