MY TURN

When ‘Goodbye’ Is A Click Away

Ready to start dating again, I decided to try out the Internet. But I discovered it was easy come, easy go.

NEWSWEEK
From the magazine issue dated Dec 3, 2007

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  • Posted By: JLThomas @ 05/20/2008 7:26:12 AM

    I've added an essay/thoughts blog if anyone is interested: jackieleethomas.wordpress.com

  • Posted By: JL Thomas @ 05/19/2008 6:32:57 AM

    Theresa,
    I don't know what made me check this site this morning, but I was surprised to see such a recent comment.
    I understand completely how you feel, and I also have those same thoughts...will I be alone forever? Am I somehow supposed to be alone? I don't have any answers, but I trust that everything is as it should be. I've simply learned that online dating is not the fix-all solution. If it works for some people, great. But all the unanswered emails and dinners within 50 miles of your zip code are rarely memorable. I hold faith in the balance of life, love, and all the possibilities of each day. In Ann Lamott's book, Faith Eventually, a friend tells her that real prayer is asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine. I think on this often.
    Hang in there and take care, know you aren't alone.
    Jackie Thomas

  • Posted By: iluv2ksu @ 05/17/2008 1:56:34 PM

    I must say, when my mother came over and thrusted the paper into my lap and said read this...I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Reading the article I felt as if I was reading my own life out loud. I have tried online dating and the conclusion I have come to is that perhaps some people online aren't really looking for their one true soulmate but just someone to spend time with. And believe me when I say there is nothing wrong with spending time with someone, but what's wrong with a little romance anyway? I have had the exchange of emails, and let's meet...so you drive an hour away to talk to someone for hours only to find out they already have a partner...so they become really great friends. The more friends the better, right? But still some nights sneek up on me and maybe, just maybe I am only making myself crazy by thinking...Am I going to be alone forever? But, if you do happen to read this, just know you are not alone in the dating pool...perhaps one day it will happen, or it will get easier living alone. Take care...Theresa NJ

  • Posted By: iluv2ksu @ 05/17/2008 9:50:00 AM

    I must say, when my mother came over and thrusted the paper into my lap and said read this...I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Reading the article I felt as if I was reading my own life out loud. I have tried online dating and the conclusion I have come to is that perhaps some people online aren't really looking for their one true soulmate but just someone to spend time with. And believe me when I say there is nothing wrong with spending time with someone, but what's wrong with a little romance anyway? I have had the exchange of emails, and let's meet...so you drive an hour away to talk to someone for hours only to find out they already have a partner...so they become really great friends. The more friends the better, right? But still some nights sneek up on me and maybe, just maybe I am only making myself crazy by thinking...Am I going to be alone forever? But, if you do happen to read this, just know you are not alone in the dating pool...perhaps one day it will happen, or it will get easier living alone. Take care...Theresa NJ

  • Posted By: Danny3xd @ 11/24/2007 3:45:59 PM

    Don't give up the ship. I have seen many couples who have met online commit to serious relationships. Not on dating sites, all were just social chat rooms. Sort of the tried and true method of just getting to know some one with out expectations. Good job in getting back out there, online or in person! The right one will show up when you least expect it. Have faith.

    • Posted By: JLThomas @ 11/25/2007 8:43:52 AM

      Thanks, Danny3xd. I know what you're saying is true. I'll leave it to an open heart, an honest spirit and kismet.

      • Posted By: Katie90 @ 11/26/2007 9:15:48 PM

        !

        • Posted By: JLThomas @ 11/27/2007 4:56:19 PM

          Katie90,
          One never knows!
          Getting beyond our fears is a great graveled road, but the right path to be sure.
          Glad you liked the article.

          • Posted By: misskitty @ 02/14/2008 3:50:58 PM

            i really enjoyed the article... for years I did not hold any faith in online dating sites.. But then three years ago, a friend of mine started to brag that her son had met someone online and it had worked out well. So in order to prove my point, (that online dating did not work). I signed up for a dating site. I must say I had no faith that I could met anyone nice online. I thought if men were on there they more than likey had lots of problems or they would not have to resort to online dating. Ragardless, I began the search and talk to only a handful of men. Most I had almost nothing in common with, or no attraction to what so ever. But then I met a man who is now my husband. At first I thought that it would never work, but it did. I moved west, and he moved east. So now we have a good life, and I would say that there are alot of men and ladies who are only there for a good time, but there are some good ones left, you just have to sort through the mess to get to the good stuff!! I am a grandmother of 6 and happily married again, I am gratful that online dating does exsits becasue now I have the life I have always wanted. I was extreamly picky about the person I wanted, and it paid off, hang in there!!!

      • Posted By: Katie90 @ 11/26/2007 9:25:36 PM

        Great article!!! You expressed what we all have experienced during the on-line dating adventure. I admire your courage to venture beyond your fears and share your insightful thoughts. Forge ahead!! Perhaps in another forum you will meet with the success that escaped you on this endeavor.

      • Posted By: Katie90 @ 11/26/2007 9:23:46 PM

        !

  • Posted By: ASL4U @ 01/03/2008 3:10:00 PM

    no online, no bars... I'm too old to be a piece of meat - and most of them who are in the life and who are my age and still single (except those who've been truely monogamous long term relationships and are just "getting out" again... and even then still some of them! ha ha)... are still "dating" for the purpose of a uhaul and a 3 month "absolutely monogamous" tryst. It is, perhaps, no harder now to meet someone I am interested, who is interested in me than it was in high school - all things considered - but I'll tell you - I'm just not sitting the the same chair everyday for 6 1/2 hours day in and day out - long enough so that all the other captives can get a chance to decide that it looks like we share some interests. What I am more and more certain of, after ever interaction with "likely" is that most of the single people I meet - are single for a reason. I am getting used to living alone. If serrendipity strikes - I will certainly yield - but in the everyday here and now - our "on demand" culture is not able to provide any basis for creating long term relationships.

  • Posted By: maat45 @ 12/13/2007 12:25:26 AM

    I was sitting in a Jiffy-Lube waiting for my car, perusing Newsweek, when I read your story, Jackie. Never used a dating service but, as another correspondent wrote, don't give up on the internet aspect or possibilities. Think it was the same person who mentioned chat rooms. Well...I'm 62yrs. of age, my partner and I have been together over ten years and when kismet (as you said) brought us together neither of us were really much interested in more than a friendship. We met in a chat room, it was about four months before we actually met and two weeks later I was heading out west to share a home and a life. I know there's a joke there, somewhere...lol. I've been lucky and blessed to have shared this jlife's ourney with wonderful, loving people and my partner is everything I could want...and then some. I didn't need her to make me happy, nor she me but we enhance each other's lives to the point of incredulity. Life is good, one is obviously never too old and it's who we are that counts. I guess the one drawback to chat rooms and dating services might be a lack of honesty but...and I can speak from my own experience...you get what you give and it doesn't take much to spot someone who may well be less than honest. Good luck, don't give up and I'll look forward to the next "myturn" telling us how things have happily turned around for you.

    • Posted By: JLThomas @ 12/13/2007 4:20:19 PM

      Thank you, maat45. You really put a smile on my face.
      Thanks for taking the time to share. Continued happiness to you!

  • Posted By: Katie90 @ 12/03/2007 12:15:42 PM

    This wonderful woman puts forth her beautifully written personal experience for all to share and the only comment that fdggarrison can muster up is a comment on her appearance. Shame on you fdggarrison!! Regardless of your perception, the comment on gender was insensitive and very much meant to be mean. Based on your name I don't know if you are a man or woman. And I am classy enough to not to comment.

    • Posted By: JLThomas @ 12/05/2007 7:17:07 AM

      The comment on appearance is certainly one of my points; internet dating is a very visual medium. It's far too simple to take one look, say "not for me" and click to the next photo. The substance of the person is gone with a casual glance. Thank you for such a wonderful defense and reply to fdggarrison. In any skirmish, I'd want you on my side.

  • Posted By: MoiraM @ 12/04/2007 4:53:44 AM

    Thank you for wriiting and offering such a real and refreshing look at the online dating world. I have had mixed results with internet dating. Not awful, but not great either. My experience has led me to know that internet dating not a venue that I will try to find my partner.

  • Posted By: danwayu2 @ 11/30/2007 11:46:49 PM

    I have been single for about 18 months and I have been involved with the online dating thing for about a year now. I have met some very interesting women online. My perspective of online dating is that there is probably only about 2% of men on there that are truly looking for a life partner and soulmate. I fall into that 2% category. The rest of the men are looking for a bed partner only and nothing more. While about 96% of women online are looking for a committed relationship. The trouble that I have is that my standards for a marriage partner (yes some day) are very very high right now. I want someone highly educated, articulate, and very stable financially. Not to mention that I want her to be very attractive on the outside as well as on the inside.
    Women who meet up to that criteria cannot be found online looking for a soulmate. They are already attached or certainly if single they don't need to be scouring the web pages looking for their prince. I'm frankly frustrated in my search so far.

  • Posted By: grannybags @ 11/30/2007 10:05:23 PM

    I was so touched by your story. I too went through the same type of experience. The men I met didn't do a thing for me. I posted the goofiest picture I could find of myself on Yahoo, eyes crossed (no glamour shots for me), and wrote a silly profile about how I hated walks on the beach. The response was overwhelming. I met many frogs, and finally my husband. AND I'm 52!! Crazy h uh?

  • Posted By: YoucancallmeJo @ 11/29/2007 4:54:53 PM

    Don't be offended, Jackie. I have the same problem. People have been calling me "sir" since I was a teenager because I, too, wear very little make-up and prefer jeans to dresses. But that aside, please allow me to make a suggestion. I met my partner of five years on the Internet, but not at a "love" site. I joined a site for writers and illustrators. We shared opinions, argued, supported each other, and sometimes got to meet at conventions. That's where I met my partner, and it's been love ever since. I hope you find someone. Don't get discouraged. I have no doubt there is someone wonderful out there waiting for you.

    • Posted By: JLThomas @ 11/29/2007 6:34:51 PM

      Thanks, Jo, for being such a welcome ally against cloddish and clumsy comments.
      I'm very happy for you and your partner, and I will keep looking for that wonderful someone.
      Much happiness ans success to you.

  • Posted By: jimmynole8568 @ 11/28/2007 10:34:11 AM

    Jackie, I loved your article and immediately googled your name to find out more. I am 63 and have been using the internet, very successfully, to find new friends and of course "friends with benefits" I especially liked what you said about just not responding. It is so easy to do on the internet and not in person or on the phone. Good luck to you and me in our quest.

    • Posted By: JLThomas @ 11/29/2007 6:28:59 PM

      So glad you liked the article, Jimmy. I will raise a glass to both of us and our quests.

  • Posted By: fdggarrison @ 11/27/2007 8:34:40 PM

    I don't want to be insulting but the name Jackie Lee could be either a man or a woman's name. And to boot your picture is very ambigious, it could be either a man or a woman. To be honest I'm not sure which it is; either a good looking man or a woman who does not use make-up.

    • Posted By: JLThomas @ 11/28/2007 7:03:32 AM

      What a kind comment. That's all you have to say?
      I use very little make-up. Not being able to distinguish gender tells me plenty about your love life.

      • Posted By: fdggarrison @ 11/28/2007 8:29:37 AM

        The question about gender was a very big comment about your article and not was not ment to be mean. I can't distinguish your gender from your picture with your article, It is an honest observation on my part, And maybe instead of the nasty remark about my love life, you might want to use the contructive criticism as a partial answer to some of your love life problems. But now I think your "bristley" personality might also be another one of the things you need to work on. Good luck with your future. I hope every thing works out in a way that brings you a long and happy life. And I mean that.

  • Posted By: fdggarrison @ 11/27/2007 8:30:14 PM

    I don't mean to be insulting, but the problem may be the Jackie Lee is an ambigious name, it could be either a man or a woman's name. And to boot the picture is also ambigious. Man or woman?

  • Posted By: JLThomas @ 11/27/2007 4:58:25 PM

    Katie90,
    One never knows! Glad you liked the article.

  • Posted By: Danny3xd @ 11/24/2007 3:50:06 PM

    Don't give up the ship. I have seen many couples who have met online commit to serious relationships. Not on dating sites, all were just social chat rooms. Sort of the tried and true method of just getting to know some one with out expectations.
    Good job on getting back out there, online or face to face. It is difficult, I know. Have faith, the right one wil show up when you least expect it.

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