My Secret History

I feel for people who have been over (or are) overweight. I've never been overweight myself, but I have been osterisized for different reasons. I moved around a lot growing up, I was always the "New Girl." When I was little the other kids would make fun of the way I looked or talked, the older I got, the more I grew into my looks, but still people would just ignore me because I was "New." Now that I'm out of school people just seem to be too self absorbed to really pay attention to anybody else.

It makes me feel even worse that, in gerneral, our society puts so much emphasis on the way people look, and how people mistakenly believe that if you're not overwight and moderately attractive, some how all life's problems dissappear, life is wonderful, life and happiness is handed to you on a silver platter, or something. People tell me that I pretty all the time, but it's never helped me in life, maybe because I don't buy into the mentality "Someone thinks I'm attractive, so I don't have to be a smart, or a decent human being." Thats one thing I've noticed, those of us who don't (or didn't) fall into the standard mold of how people are "supposed" to look, even if we eventually come into it, are at least sympathetic to those who still feel like they're missing out (and trust me, you're not).

If you're overwight, have crooked teeth, an overbite, an extra arm, or just feel that there is anything about youself that, if you could just "fix it" then every thing would be alright. Do it for yourself, so you can run a marathon, or close your mouth properly without pain, or buy a shirt with out having to add an extra arm hole. Don't do it because you think that some how it will make humanity "nicer." Even if they're nicer to you, they're still being jerks to someone else.

I got tears in my eyes again. I have to remember to love Kernie, the one who weighed 274 lbs and loved her husband and her two children enough to get the Lap-Band and exercise and diet and change her life forever. The new size 6-8 Kernie is more loved by the world over, is more outgoing, more self-confident, sexier, the works.........it's much easier to love her and forget that inside me is the Old Kerniec all 124 lbs of her I lost is in there and I have to love her!

Hi there,
Eventhough I've never been obese myself I understand how difficult it must have been. Society "norms" are usually shaped by what is most common statistically. That means that some people or groups feel excluded and hurt as a result. It is up to us as individuals to try and raise our awareness and try to fix that (even if it's just our circle of friends, it does make a difference. Your friend Bea's and your mum's support shows how important that is).

I think it was brave of you writting this article. But I think the emotional scars are still there. And maybe i'm wrong but imho I can see a subtle tendency on your part to separate people into obese and thin. The way you opened the article sounds as if you're assuming that all thin people are prejudiced towards obese ppl, which isn't the case. If you want to heal these emotional scars, there's more work to be done. The following extract has helped me, and maybe it will do the same thing to you ( regardless of whether you pick up buddhist meditation or not).

The Door: http://www.translatum.gr/meditation/meditation.htm

Wish you the best,
George

I'm in your shoes, except that I lost weight the old fashioned way and work every single day to keep it off. What a sweet mother you have! Mine always hated me because I was fat and told me about it often. I have a soft spot for the overweight because I know too well the mind f*ck it is and the self hatred (which causes you to eat more). Please everyone, have some sympathy, they are already suffering plenty without your input.

I have a very close family member who is morbidly obese. He has been gaining weight for many years, and although he claims to want to lose weight, he keeps getting bigger. He conveniently forgets about snacks he eats, he says he counts calories but then I witness him filling a bowl with cereal without measuring and doesn't add calories for the milk he adds, and usually orders the worst thing in restaurants because "it's a special occasion" or "he's been good today". And on the rare occasion that he orders a salad (which are rarely low-cal in restaurants), he drowns it in ranch dressing and eats the entire thing swiftly without even seeming to enjoy it. However, all these years, he insists that he's TRYING to lose weight. It seems possible to have the intent but suffer from some sort of mental disconnect when confronted with food. Are all the people on this board who claim to be eating healthy and not losing weight really honest with themselves?

I am just struggling (in my size 14 skirt) to understand how a size 16 person is so obese that this h
'wood mom worries for her breakables and antiques. Perhaps she has no clue what a size 16 looks like, since it's just not that big--I fit very comfortably in airline seats, movie seats, MY HALLWAY, etc. Sheesh, people get a clue.

it's been said a million times, but apparently that isn't enough: DON'T JUDGE people until you have walked a mile in their shoes. until it happens to you, you don't know how hard a thing is. show some compassion.

it's been said a million times, but apparently that isn't enough: DON'T JUDGE people until you have walked a mile in their shoes. until it happens to you, you don't know how hard a thing is. show some compassion.

it's been said a million times, but apparently that isn't enough: DON'T JUDGE people until you have walked a mile in their shoes. until it happens to you, you don't know how hard a thing is. show some compassion.

In regards to some of the incredibley ignorant comments:
I am 260 pounds, 5'6". I don't require an extra wide anything. I fit in airplane seats WITHOUT a belt extender.
I go to a personal trainer twice a week, lift, and can do a pretty intense 60 minutes of cardio. But losing the weight is VERY hard. It comes off one pound at a time, if at all. I haven't had a double cheeseburger, fries, or really any "bad" food. Almost no sugar crosses my lips, unless its a piece of fruit.
The primary reason I have such a hard time with my weight is that my thyroid is dysfunctional. For years I went to doctors with all of the classic hypothyroid symptoms but not one would do more than tell me to "go home and lose weight". It got to the point where I was literally on a starvation diet. I hoped that if I was able to lose a few pounds they would listen to me, or test my blood, or something.
I finally went in and just asked for a cholesterol test instead of a thyroid test. Once I left with my scrip I checked all the thyroid blood test boxes. I asked the blood testing center for my own copy of my results and proceeded to spend two more years begging a doctor to look at my tests and help me. Once I finally found a compassionate doctor and she prescribed first Armour and later Syntrhoid it was as if my life began again. I have a hundred pounds of extra weight to lose, and its tough. But much easier now that I can think clearly, am not constantly fatigued, and my depression has cleared.
Fat people get a raw deal. We get ignored by doctors who prescribe us anti-depressents like they were candy and yet cannot get routine blood tests. No matter what our symptom we are told its b/c of our weight and go lose it. If you are fat and keep a food diary you are told that you're lying about what's in it. If you say you exercise they roll their eyes at you.
I wonder how many other obese people are out there with problems similar to mine. I know how hard it is. You start to give up b/c nothign you do works so you stop trying altogether. You bury your misery with food, and lock yourself up, alone, in your home.
I still might be fat but I realize that I'm not the sub-human talked about in some of these comments. I'm a worthy individual who deserves respect. An individual whose life now includes a fantastic job, graduate school, and a caring boyfriend. All things I couldn't have when my health was going down the toilet. I might still be fat but that doesn't give anyone the right to judge me. Not the least of which are people who have had the luck of good health and thinness all of their lives.

It is as simple as putting the fork down. Surgery just makes it so you do not want to pick up that fork. Do what ever it takes to lose the weight....anyone can do it. Remeber that being overweight is as unhealthy as smoking a pack a day.

I hate fat people who complain despite the fact that they eat 3 doublecheeseburgers for lunch, when I eat a home-made turkey wrap. I get nearly as much food, better nutrition, and less calories.

What people don't realize is that the human body is a product of thousands of years of evolution. If you ever once weighed 200 pounds your body wants to maintain that weight. If you drop to a healthy weight your body thinks it is starving and will jack up the carb cravings. It is one thing (not an easy thing, I admit) to maintain a proper weight. It is another thing altogether to maintain a weight loss.

Dearest OldLady,

I consistantly make healthy choices about my eating, while people around me eat cookies (not kidding, bags of 3 large cookies are some sort of staple at our cafeteria), and yet they all weigh about literally half as much as me. I have lost weight recently (about 20 pounds), but am still considered obese by a large margin. I have suffered ostracizing to an extreme degree for many years, and it WAS NOT MY CHOICE. If people had a choice about food, and genetics were not involved, I might agree with you. However, as that is no the case, I feel that you are being highly insensitive as well as making faulty assumptions.

What you don't realize SingingWoman is that having the surgery is NOT the easy way out. That is an insult to even SUGGEST that. The surgery is a tool that HELPS you lose weight and KEEP IT OFF. Most "fat" people have dieted, excercized, and lost a ton of weight more than once, only to regain it. This surgery is a HUGE lifestyle change and when people are seeking it, they don't think it's a magical wand that will fix all of their weight problems -- people like that want instant results ala liposuction.

I take it you have never been overweight in your life. So I am just going to agree to disagree that you are uneducated and completely wrong about this surgery and what it does for people.

It is HARD to have this surgery, it's not the easy way out. Once you have the surgery you are FORCED to "diet" for the rest of your LIFE. What is "easy way out" in that? Do you think that it just shrinks your stomach and that's it?

Wow, just wow. Next time before jumping to such harsh conclusions, try reading up on the surgery. You're acting just like the people you said you disliked.

That is all I have to say.

What you don't realize SingingWoman is that having the surgery is NOT the easy way out. That is an insult to even SUGGEST that. The surgery is a tool that HELPS you lose weight and KEEP IT OFF. Most "fat" people have dieted, excercized, and lost a ton of weight more than once, only to regain it. This surgery is a HUGE lifestyle change and when people are seeking it, they don't think it's a magical wand that will fix all of their weight problems -- people like that want instant results ala liposuction.

I take it you have never been overweight in your life. So I am just going to agree to disagree that you are uneducated and completely wrong about this surgery and what it does for people.

It is HARD to have this surgery, it's not the easy way out. Once you have the surgery you are FORCED to "diet" for the rest of your LIFE. What is "easy way out" in that? Do you think that it just shrinks your stomach and that's it?

Wow, just wow. Next time before jumping to such harsh conclusions, try reading up on the surgery. You're acting just like the people you said you disliked.

That is all I have to say.