My Secret History

I loved reading this story. I went through many similar situations about 10 years ago when I lost about 80 pounds. I completely disowned my old fat self and deluded myself into thinking that I had always been thin. I even joined in with the judgmental comments about fat people.

I guess it is my karma that I eventually gained all of the weight back, plus some extra.

Now that I am extremely overweight again --- 258 lbs., 5'7" -- I can attest to the scornful glances and comments. I am definitely treated differently and with less respect than when I was thin. The other day I attended a workshop and when I checked in, the woman who signed me in looked at me like I was scum. I know it was because I am fat.

I wish everyone would get over the fat prejudice and just accept people as they are. Even so, I am now considering gastric bypass surgery.

What is happening to our society? Why are so many of us so overweight??

I am a social worker and have struggled with my obesity for all my life. I have always been the target of other people's nasty comments, and although this has been painful, I have been able to use it to empathize with others and their painful issues. Yet I have also felt angry that my "neurosis" is much more visible that many who make the nasty remarks. Prejudice against overweight people is also more "acceptable" than any other form of prejudice in our society. I'm currently considering gastric bypass surgery for health reasons (at the age of 53) but whether I do it or not, I am proud of who I am. No one can take that away from you unless you allow them to.

I hope you either are a writer or plan to do something with your wonderful talent. I am overweight. I am 52. I am not sure which is harder to take at this point. My morning face is much like playdough. It takes the form of however it was pressed into my pillow overnight. My face happens to look younger then my skinny old friends as fat is slow to wrinkle
I have a beautiful daughter. She was overweight and lost that weight in her late teens. She put the weight back on after. Your mother's words to you are a blessing for me for I will share them with my daughter as she did with you. I too will be careful what I say about that girl in the pictures because I love her very much.
Getting older offers the same insight as weight loss. You can look back at things as they were. Virtues can only be learned through experience and times of trial. Thanks to the mean shallow perfect people of the world, the not so perfect learn strength and kindness. We learn humor and patience. You know, in the end our bodies are no more than bugs on a windshield... We fatties get to make the bigger splat... Our souls, they shine on forever. There is where true beauty lies. Megan you are so wonderful to speak up. God bless you and your Mom! Happy Holidays to all.

I don't have anything against overweight people and I think it is great that she lost the weight. However, many of the messages on this board seem to indicate that being overweight isn't caused by overeating and a lack of exercise. The fact is, aside form a very, very small percentage of people, it is a simple fact that you eat more calories a day then you burn. Forget carbs, fat, whatever, you are just eating too much given your level of activity. Why does gastric bypass work? Because it forces you to eat far less food every day or you will become physically ill. If you are overweight, people shouldn't judge you harshly, but don't act like it is a "disease" that has somehow afflicted you and that you have no control over it. That just isn't the case for the vast majority of people.

So well written - so well said. I was moved to tears at the end when your mother defends your 'old self'. She is right. Anyone who could not love the 'old' self is not worthy of the new 'self'. Including your self. Be gentle, not just with the judgements of others but mostly of yourself. Take another look at those old pictures and something gentle and wonderful about the girl in the photos. Embrace her and move forward. Without her you would never be who are now - compassionate, understanding and sensitized to people beyond how the 'look'. Kudos to you and to your wonderul Mom.

I hope you do speak up, gently. Take a cue from your mom. Hatred needs to be confronted, but not with more hatred.

I have lost 120# after having a Lap-Band inserted. My life is o much better now and I too am accepted by so many more people than I ever was before. The difference is that I DO speak up whenever someone speaks negatively or condescending toward an overweight person. I do not feel bad about this and if I lose that person's friendship, then they weren't much of a friend.

I have recently lost 35 lbs and I started in the middle of July. All I did was start exercising some self control about what i ate. I eliminated all sugars (candy, cookies, cake, SODAS)water, a slimfast for breakfast, a couple of bananas here and there for a snack, a salad for lunch, and a small, PORTION CONROLLED dinner. If I have a bigger lunch I'll have the reverse. In this day and age it is very hard to execise self control especially if you are eating huge amounts of unwhoelsome foods and are used to it.. I think a lot of folks fall into this category. Then there are those who have always struggled and may need drastic measues like the surgery. I went from a size 14 to a size 8 which now is loose on me all due to being able to finally take charge of my eating instead of it taking charge of me.

In answer to KarlG: Not all people's obesity is their doing. I was a chunky 2 year old (sorry too young to make my own food) and my model mother panicked. She put me on 600 calorie diets to starve it off, hence causing triple the amount of fat cells to form. My body thought as a child I was dying. Ever seen the extended stomachs of a starved child. This little trick of mom's also destroyed my thyroid. Any other comments you'd like to make?

My own daughter has struggled with her weight for most of her 20 years. As a mother I would see her pain when she would go to try on clothes that the thinner girls would wear and know that she didn't look the same in them. In the last four months my daughter has lost 20 pounds because she made a decision to eat healthier and to exercise. I know what a mother feels for her daughter, we feel their pain too of not being accepted into the "group." How can we fight all this when we have people calling a size 2 fat? I am always amazed on how cruel individuals can be to overweight people. I just don't get it.

I understand what the writer is saying, i myself have lost some weight, from a size 16 to 12, i still consider myself obese and still desire to loose more weight but it has not been easy. People will say to me your size is acceptable but they don't know i was a size 16, and i don't tell. The truth is I am embarrassed to let people know that I was actually a size 16, just pretend i am obsessed with wanting to have a size 8 body.

KarlG = *sshole! Unfortunately not all of us have that illness that is well hidden underneath a "normal" body size. What's your illness, KarlG child porn? Infidel affairs? Self hatred? Repressed Anger? Oh, that's right, you ARE normal, forgive me. What KarlG doesn't realize is that being obese means that there is an unhealthy repression and addiction to food, much like in alcoholism, there is an unhealthy repression and addiction to alcohol. Noone wants to be this way but in and of itself, it becomes harder to maintain a healthy lifestyle due to the emotions that need to come out. KarlG is just a member of the group that forgets that they are HUMAN, much like the president of our United States. This to me is just another sign that we've a long way to go in realizing that we are all much the same and very different. We all emote in different ways our own self hatred and undoing. Maybe KarlG doesn't eat that much, but I bet you he has some other unhealthy addiction especially when he felt it so easy to judge and berate a beautiful girl for wanting to change. In other words, KarlG is still that of the victim mentality. Poor Guy.
Congrats to you, Megan on your own beautiful self transformation. I am sure it took some courage but you did it!

I've been overweight all my life. I had the most horrible time in school growing up. My weight was the joke of the entire class. Although there was obesity in my family, some family members always put me down for being fat, and my self esteem was on the floor. Thankfully, I met my husband who loves me for me, not for my body. But as my health got worse by being overweight, my husband and I decided Gastric Bypass was the best thing for me. So I did it!!!! And for the first time in my life, I feel like I am taking control. What I do hate is how all of a sudden everyone (the thinner group) wants to be my friend, when before they would ignore me. I love the compliments I am getting, but I hate the hypocrisy. And for the first time in my life, my family who ussually put me down, now love me. Too late for that!!! The damage has been done. For all those out there who constantly make fun of the overweight, shame on you. Some of us did not ask to be this way, so dont be so hard on us. And although now I am much lighter, I still feel for the overweight and want to tell them to hang in there. Take one day at a time and don't ever quit trying to get healthy, no matter what people say around you. :)

KarlG, you are an ***! I don't think you realize that this is an illness in and of itself. Just like alcoholism, it is an addiction that humans possess that usually stems from some sort of trauma or other type of early childhood development. Just because your illness is well hidden in a "normal" body does not mean that you are perfect and that ahem, your *** doens't stink. Comments like this from people like you make me realize that as a society, we have a long way to go in accepting that we and everyone else that we are in "war" with, are HUMANS. We all suffer from something and in that sufferance, we can be transformed. And well if you still think that you do not suffer from illness, than welcome to your own boring life. I would hate to be you as you clearly have self hatred that has been repressed and only comes out on various unsuspecting victims who have chosen to be open about their own illnesses. Megan, you are beautiful and always have been beautiful. It was a huge step and look at the transformation.

I can understand everything this lady is going through. I also suffer with being overweight. It's a difficult life , you try to lose the weight time and time again with little results. People are rude and unfeeling because they don't know what its like. People judge you on your appearence which is wrong. We all have hearts but some are hard. Congrats to you for your loss.

Had the surgery October 15th. Male, 45 yo. Started at 364. Large build but obviously too large. Current weight 291. Goal weight 200. Northrup is exactly right. My experience is mirroring hers exactly (and I am still a 300 pound man). There is no tolerance for the obese and that is sad. Becoming obese is not always the result of receiving "instant gratification" it is way more complicated than that. Northup should gladly accept what she's become but the psychological effects of "becoming" and societies views will haunt her for a long time. Most bypass programs offer support groups to help deal with newly found issues like the "guilt". KarlG, without her experience or prospective you need to chill and be supportive, not critical.

I am guessing the people who are bashing complaining about someone else thinks they are perfect. It must be nice to look down on someone else and know that you are so great no one could possible say anything about you! People who are obese may wear it on the outside , however make no mistake people see your skeletons too and they are talking more then you know! Maybe you should focus less on obese people and how you should help them and help yourself better! Its not what you look like on the outside its what kind of stand up person you are on the inside

I can understand everything she was feeling because I too suffer with being over weight since childhood. People can be so mean and unfeeling,we are human like anyone else, just not thin. We all have hearts, some are unfeeling. They have no idea what we go through but yet they judge you. Congrats to you for your new found you, you deserve it.

Actually I am guessing that the people who write such harsh words about people who are different then themselves have nothing wrong with them what so ever! It must be nice to lay into someone else and feel completely free to do so as you are so right on no one could dare have anything mean to say about you! I sure would like to know the skeletons in their closets obese people just wear theirs, make no mistake though people can still see y ours:)