When Adoption Goes Wrong

To Daiseymay2003, Your wrong on both points. We used a private agencey and yes the birthmothers look at pofiles and pick the families. In most states they sign their rights away 48 hours after having the baby. They have 30 days to object and even then they have prove they were forced to sign. this is the case in most states.

I have to agree with Rebecca Jean a little bit. The mother did say she deserved to be punish and admits all fault. Never once did I read that she blamed someone else for her actions. Kudos to you for taking responsibilty for your actions.
Most people do not understand internation adoption. My best friend is the director of an adoption agency. I want to adopt and have done a lot of research so I will share with you a few things I know about the difference between international adoption and adopting here in America
1.) In order to adopt in America you either have to know the parent and have been chosen by them to adopt their child or you can be a foster parent, which does not mean you get to adopt that particular child.
2.) Even if you adopt an american child there is always a chance the mom can come back and want the child back. So if you want to do a closed adoption I suggest doing an international adoption.

to kenz78 - you don't "send the child back". it's a CHILD not a shirt that doesn't fit exactly how you wanted it to. i don't agree with what she did, but she seems to feel terrible, "omg"-ing isn't going to change what happend.

As a parent of a baby, they have the right to choose whom their child will be raised by. You sound like you would be very wonderful parents, but perhaps they don't want their child being raised in a home where the parents might not have enough time for them, or their living conditions are unstable because of having to move a lot.

These problems are not only seen with children from other countries; they are also seen right here in our own America. As a foster parent, and the former adoptive placement for a young girl with reactive attachment disorder, I have seen these behaviors. We too thought our love and consistancy could make a difference in the lives of a brother and sister pair from a near by state. Both children had extreem issues. At the time of placement, the three and a half year old boy showed strong agression and fetal alcohol symtoms. The litlle girl, who had been removed from a terrible environmment at 18 months was two years and two months old at placement, and presented mostly as a withdrawn child with sleep issues. After two and a half years in a stable home with weekly play therapy, the little guy, then almost 6 was doing well, still had issues, but could show love. The little girl , four and a half, continued to worsen progressively until her couselor recommended residential treatment at a place that specialized in attachment disorders. Even someone with the most patience in the world would find themselves more than overwhelmed with this child on a daily (and nightly)baises. The problem does not lie soley with an uninformed foster or adoptive parent, but with a system that does not always look out for the best interest of the emotional needs of the children they are suppose to be making the right decisions for. What happend to this sibling pair? The state of Nevada did not follow the recomendation of the professional or the foster parents that had worked with them and knew them so well. Instead, this sibling pair is now on their second foster home Since April of this year, which by the way, is very simular to the one they left after two and a half years. The state where they were from is continuing to cause this pair hardship instead of getting the help that is needed and that was promised to the original family that let them go. Should Peggy Hilt have caused a little girl to die because she herself was hopeless and overwhelmed? We all know the answer to that one. Attachment disorders are very scary and complex. They are truely hard to understand until they are experienced first hand. No one should ever be put into that position without havng a multitude of resources available for assistance, or without being made aware of the sadness and unknown emotion that a blameless child can create.

My husband And I have adopted 3 black children. (we are white). The longest we ever waited is 2 months. We have open adoptions. One of our birthmothers visits us in the summers for a week. It is possible to adopt in the U.S. at low cost and good situations. You have to be open-minded. We just wanted a baby, we didn't care what race or sex it was. We get the comment a lot that we are such good people for adopting black children. It didn't have anything to do with that . It was more of a selfish thing, we just wanted a child! We thank God every day that our birthmothers pick us.

I am the birthmother of a healthy, wonderful son, 27 years of age. When I relinquished him in the 70's, I was given no counselling, nothing. The pain of being separated from my child caused me to spiral downward, and it took years for me to recover. I am blessed that his adoptive mother contacted me and he and his wonderful family - parents, sister, wife and two children- are a part of my life now. I am in favor of OPEN adoption. I don't think many people would be able to survive the pain of being separated from a beloved newborn - I certainly almost didn't.

OMG!!! how could you ever ever ever do that to some one?! i hate myself if i raise my voice to my dog!! omg maybe instead of drinking she should have told her husband what she was going through....i know for a fact that if you adopt a child you can send the child back with the rite papers and legal work or she could re adopt the child to another HALF NORMAL family....id love to talk to this peggy hilt!! when im older and have my own kids and one of them behaved like that the worst i would ever do is yell but...omg she was only what 2? she killed a 2 year old for misbehaving...wow...jeez....talk about anger managment....thats so sad though...

and by the way, the fact that americans adopt children from other nations shows no racism. The thing about people in America, is that they want to be seen as doing "good" or "charity," we hear a lot more about children from other countries suffering, and needing families than we do children in our own. For some reason, adopting foreign children seems the be the more "noble/Charitable" thing to do.

To "Woodstock" (nice name, by the way - heh):

Oh, stop being all "holier-than-thou." What would you have done in her place? And no, by no means am I condoning the killing of Nina; however, I can honestly say that I sympathize. Can you not say that you have never been in a similar place? Or done a similar thing, where you say or do something you ordinarily would not, but that is so driven by the moment that you cannot help its escape? I highly doubt it.

That little girl was terrible to her poor adoptive mother. No, it was probably not Nina's fault in the least; but the fact remains that she was still an ungrateful little brat. Why she was that way is now irrelevant, for the fact still remains that she drove her mother to depression, alcoholism, and, yes, manslaughter.

And as much as I hate hitting below the belt, so to speak, but your post does ask for it. Learn how to use the wonderful button called "Shift" once in awhile. And commas. And apostrophes. And spelling. And English grammar in general. Really. If you truly wish to call someone "a disgusting filthy worthless pig," at least learn how to look intelligent while you do so.

If Someone does NOT have the patience it takes to raise a child, ESPECIALLY one from another country that might have a feeling of misplacement, they should not be adopting in the first place. Adoption is for those that want to raise and love a child, and want to give the child a better life. Not taking them in when you might not have the love it takes to keep them safe.

If Someone does NOT have the patience it takes to raise a child, ESPECIALLY one from another country that might have a feeling of misplacement, they should not be adopting in the first place. Adoption is for those that want to raise and love a child, and want to give the child a better life. Not taking them in when you might not have the love it takes to keep them safe.

As an adoptee, I can vouch that perfectly fine and normal kids can be rejected by their adoptive parents. I was no more than a token to complete the family. My mother ignored me as a baby while I cried. At age 8 I was in boarding school and at age 13 was getting slapped and yelled at constantly. I did well at school and my adoptive parents are upper middle class. Nobody believed me and to this day I do not have contact with my mother.

Everyone that has turned this topic into a RACIAL ISSUE is NO better of a person than the woman in this story that beat a young child to death. I AGREE that this woman is not the victim, and her punishment seems unacceptable compared to the heinousness of the crime. However, negativity only breeds negativity. Look at this situation for what it is....through colorless eyes. Look at the bigger problem - abuse on innocent children. Abuse knows no color, it does not discriminate. Try opening your minds, and get off of the racial block.

Everyone that has turned this topic into a RACIAL ISSUE is NO better of a person than the woman in this story that beat a young child to death. I AGREE that this woman is not the victim, and her punishment seems unacceptable compared to the heinousness of the crime. However, negativity only breeds negativity. Look at this situation for what it is....through colorless eyes. Look at the bigger problem - abuse on innocent children. Abuse knows no color, it does not discriminate. Try opening your minds, and get off of the racial block.

I would also say, as an adoptee from within the United States, that some of these same issues afflict children adopted within this coutnry. There is some speculation that trauma experienced while being carried by the biological mother cements cortisol levels in the baby even prior to birth. I was fortunate enough to have been adopted by a woman who was vigilante in working with me to overcome some of these issues I was apparently born with, (i.e. resistance to affection, bullying, terrified of being alone, so on and so forth) but they are still things I struggle with in relationships as an adult. Certainly the cases of overseas adoptions are, as a rule, more dire, but I would submit that these problems can occur with any adoptions, be they domestic or foreign.

I'm concerned about a chinese girl that my husbands boss adopted from china. When we first met them two years ago they went on and on about how filthy china and the chinese were. I tried to get them to say something positive about the country but they wouldn't budge. I wonder how this is going to affect the girls self esteem when she gets older. Both parents are known to have short fuses and are control freaks. They are both around 50 and I get the impression that the girl was bought to relieve boredom.