When Adoption Goes Wrong

I see US adoptions daily. In the state I live in when the parents sign to "relinquish" their rights to their child the language is that it is "irrevocable" meaning the parent can NEVER change their mind and LEGALLY get the child back. The risk of the birth parent having contact with the adoptive parent and the child is up to the adoptive parent. The type of contact is up to the adoptive parent. The more specific a family is about the type of child they want (ie: mentally and physically healthy blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl vs. any child, any gender, any medical condition, any race, any mental conditon, any congative condition, any behavioral condition) the longer they will wait for a child. The children that NEED adoption in the states are the abused and neglected, most are minorities, most are over the age of 8 and most have some "baggage". I know for a fact in my state that there are more children in foster care than there are homes to put them in. Many of them have been in foster care for years and will continue to be in foster care until adult hood. So this "poor families who can't adopt" whining that I'm seeing on this blog is CRAP! Start feeling sorry for all of the children who don't have familes because they don't fit in the little box that the family expects for them to fit into! And if it takes X# of years for someone to adopt, I say FINE. That gives them more time to prepare for the child who will change their lives.... for the better or (heaven forbid) for the worse.
Adopting from over seas does not stop the parent from comming back either..... look at Madona's child.
Adoption is cool! It's giving a child a home who wouldn't otherwise have one, but there are plenty here at home to adopt.... even for Angelina, Brad and Madona!

i think this person who hurt this innocent girl is a disgusting filthy worthless pig. how could you ever even think about doing that? what this retarded "mother" doesnt get is the fact that this girl isnt EVEN FIVE YET and you beat her up?? wow you must be so tough, hurting a baby like that. you deserve nothing more than the worst and idc what happens to you. God bless this little baby and i know shes in a safe place now and will never have to deal with this sick human being she thought was her mother EVER again.

Working with adopted children I see this happen all too often (the return of children not the fatal abuse) and it is ashame. I also have close friends who are wanting to adopt or who have adopted. I too hope to adopt in the future. My friends want to adopt abused/neglected children from the US.... we have PLENTY of children right here in our country who need adoption, if people could get away from wanting a blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl..... but they too have their issues. They too are being placed back in foster care to languish there for the rest of their childhood. There need to be more resources available to adoptive parents to help these children that do not involve spend their intire savings and retirement to care for them. All children of abuse/neglect no matter their place of birth are at risk of mental health issues because of the factors that lead to their abuse/neglect. Although the parents who place their children in orphanages in other countries do it with the best intention and hope for their child, the workers in those places are just that, workers. The contact they have with the children is their job, they are not parents. So it is not surprising to read that these children have attachment disorders. Add to that a child who was born to a woman with a substance abuse problem and the cognative and developmental challenges that child faces. Then add to that abuse. You have a risk of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Add to any of that a birth parent with a mental illness. There are not systems in place here in the States or any where on the planet that I am aware of that can help these children. Then to hand them to well meaning people who want to have an impact on a child's life and they don't realize the impact the child will have on their life.... especially when that impact is negitive.
Unfortunately we cannot stop child abuse/neglect and we can't stop people from having children they cannot care for, but the children being adopted and the place from where they are being adopted must be as carefully scrutinized as the parents adopting them. I too encourage people to consider children here in our own back yard. Some of the struggle for forgin born children and the frustration besides the abuse and negelct is the culture shock. Having to learn to speak another language and bond with another family is alot to ask anyone...... If someone came to you and told you to move to another country and live with a strange family...... WOULD YOU DO IT?
As for the comment from "TexasBorn" I think alot of this has been spurred on by celebrity.... like Angelina and Brad....., but those wanting to adopt need to remember these are children NOT TROPHIES!

I apologize to the people I have personally offended, that was never my intention in posting. I only wanted to share my personal experience and opinion to show people what one person passionately feels about something they have dealt wth their whole life. I hope people can see my post for what it is, an adopted person speaking about an issue that is near and dear to their heart.
marissaanne -"You would rather that all the women who are in severe mental pain because they can't have children, stay in that pain because you haven't dealt with your childhood trauma. "
REPLY to marissanne-I would rather that all the women who are in severe mental pain for any reason DO NOT even think about attempting to adopt a child. Please read the comment by "ninamc65" in response to my post I feel it is a very rational sounding interpretation of the message I tried to get across.
newsjunqie-" That same reasoning also means that people who have children are most capable of raising a child, even the ones who abuse, torture and kill their children."
REPLY to newsjunqie- That is a very absurd interpretation of my reasoning. I never said or implied anything like that.

How can this "mom" be made the victim? What about this little girl that was killed at the hands of someone who was suppose to love her unconditionally. Parenting does not come with a handbook and if this mom was having trouble, then she should have turned to someone for help, not jumping into an alcohol bottle.
It takes a real coward not to seek help when your temper is getting the better of you.

a child is beaten to death and the murderer is the victim? Is it just me or is this deeply disturbing to anyone else? Whether or not a child gets on your last nerves, you do not kick them while they are on the ground and punch them. This article should have been named, "when unfit parents adopt a child" instead.

With all the anger in this world, a child is the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not easy to be a mom or dad for that matter but with lots of interacting with the child they have a tendency to grow on you there are many obstacials to over come but surely no child needs to be beaten to a bloodly pulp to satisfy our own aggression. There is no excuse for beating a child who was calling for the love unconditionally that put them in the place they find themselves. love can conquer ALL

This woman is crazy. And needs to be beat herself. Honestly if this would have been a woman of ethnic decent it would have been plasted on every news wall through out the country. I understand life being to hard. You know what fix it. She is Blond and White and so we should understand even though this is horrific. I am glad it is being somewhat publisized. But there is a crazy gene in these people that is not being recognized. And this is wrong just DEAD wrong. And it doesn't just happen with adopted kids. I hear of these stories all the time. But they do not get the media that a Michael Vic gets for Dog fights. Yes that was sad a wrong too, but kids vs dogs. Give me a break. We know why one gets A beam of light and why the other gets a candle flicker. Lets begin to be real POPLE if you want world peace lets start with national equality. LOL.

the thing is that there are already a lot of children that can be adopted here. There are far to many children in the system without adding more. Outlawing abortion would not solve anything. It would only add more problems. If people wanted to adopt an American baby they could but it has become fashionable to adopt children from other countries. Don't confuse this issue with the controversy of abortion. they are two different things.

I am in the process of adopting a 5 year old boy from the united states. My story is different. I knew the childs family for many years. He was in the care of his paternal grandparents when they passed away. I have had non-relative custody for the past 3 years. It has been very, very, very difficult. I think the first year was so difficult because he was spoiled rotten. He did as he pleased. Woke up when he wanted, slept when he liked, hit, kicked, didn't like to bathe, spit you name it. Both of his parents are mentally ill. He has no simptoms but these signs usually come out during puberty. I am praying that this does not happen when the time comes. fast forward.... Now he is a happy, well behaved, wonderful child. It was long getting here and I did express my concerns to everyone including my worker. I am an open book and voiced my concerns to everyone. Nothing could have prepared me for this. Had I known it would have been like this I would probably have not done it. But he is here, I love him and he is part of my family. I plan to tell him the whole truth when he gets older. He does not remember fully that he was somewhere else before my home. I pray for the best. I can have children and have 2 older children of my own. They helped alot. There are no stories to help someone in making this HUGE decision. All they say is that it is wonderful. It is only if you are blessed to get a wonderful situation......

In most cases, children adopted over seas are getting a much better home life then they would have staying in an orphanage. It is mentioned that's it's getting harder to adopt overseas and there aren't as many children to adopt in the U.S. But, has anyone considered that if this country weren't killing thousands of innocent unborn babies everyday that there could be plenty of children up for adoption in our own country. We could create less of a problem with pulling overseas children out of their natural habitat, if you will, and giving the less fortunate children of this country a better chance instead, when their "bio family" isn't an option. But since it is still legal to kill our unborn children for whatever reason, families wanting children will have to spend much more time and money to try, and maybe succeed, to adopt wherever they can. Or, maybe adoption in our country should be advertised more to pregnant women of all ages. It would be a healthier, safer choice for all involved.

Having been through the adoption process of a Russian child, I can sympathize with this mother. We were given a total sob story about our daughter and were lied to repeatedly, told she was healthy, normal, and loving. Instead, we later found that our 10 year old daughter spoke Russian like a 5 year old would. This was the beginning of a trip down "severely learning disabled lane" that has gone on for over 8 years. She will NEVER live a 'normal" life and much of it could've beeen helped had they told us the TRUTH so we could have gotten her help in the beiginning. It's the lies that upset me so much. It was the most stressful experience of my life.

Oh yeah one more thing, they need to pass their learning torch down through their generations.So that way they can put a stop to this.