When Adoption Goes Wrong

I am a 24 year old multi-racial female, who was adopted in the United States, by two white parents. I found out to my surprise at the age of 18 that I had not only been misinformed by the adoption agency, however that they were lied to by my birthmother, who put on the birth certificate that my birthfather was black, not white. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I was tortured emotionally and mentally by peers at school, constantly struggling to find out what my true identity was. At the age of 18 when I was making the transition to college, I was then forced to deal with the identity of being bi-racial.
I think that this article sheds light on the stressors of adopting a child, however, I wish that there were more articles on mult-racial adoptions, rather than the adoptions that are peformed overseas. In my own case, I thought that it would be a great experience to meet my birthmother, however, to my dismay and frustration, I ended up having to put a restraining order against her, due to her inability to handle the reunification.
I think that for future reference, possibly, shedding light on the different adoptions that occur in this U.S country, rather than outside countries might be more interesting, and also shedding light on those individuals who are willing to take multi-racial children, and raise them to be positive, and successful people, not the horror stories.

I have had a US adoption go "bad". I have 2 boys and adopted a 5 year old girl. We were told that she was ADHD. That was ok, I have dealt with that and RAD in one of my sons. However when she came to our house her wonderful behavior disappeared. She did all of the things you can imagine, killing pets, and when she tried to kill my younger son, we gave her back. I can not even try to explain how stressful it was, and how it changed our behavior as parents. All of the training we had didnt work. We found out later that she had RAD, ADHD, fetal alcohol syndrome, and at that age they dont call it multi-personality disorder, but she had all the signs of it.No one wanted to tell us this, as she had been adopted and returned several times. None of this justifies killing the child, however I have walked that path, and I feel for the mother. Its sad that it ruined the family, and that the girl couldnt be saved. We lost a few friends that thought we gave up too soon or that we should have been "better" parents to her and it would have worked. All I can say is I hope that those who cast judgment dont ever have to eat their words, because its a horrible experience for a family to go through.

This is an excellent article; I only wish my parents had known about all of this before they adopted two 11-year-old boys from Russia. A few weeks after coming into our home, they sexually molested my 7-year-old sister. They both have RAD and are absolutely impossible to live with. They lie, steal, throw fits of anger constantly, and physically harm all of our family members. It has destroyed our family life, as my two sisters and my mother are now living away from home until we can get the two boys out of our home. We just wish that the orphanage, the agency, and everyone else had been honest with us about the mental health of these boys.

Are you people listening to what is being said here?? How dare it even be suggested that the child was a factor in driving this woman to do what she did. Are you seriously kidding me?? First off, if you want a child so badly that you adopt you also need to anticipate behavior problems. Undoubtedly, a child going through this change in her life is going to have struggles possibly long term scarring. There is NO EXCUSE period. I am disgusted by the writer's tone of this story, how he basically blames the childs behavior to drive this, so- called mother to drink. Give me a break. Are you seriously telling me a child, a 2 year old child caused this woman to become a alcoholic, and a monster? Stop making excuses for her "... Hilt didn't have access to the resources " commentator. What is wrong with you people? Are you guys seriously kidding me?? I have a child that drives me to the end, and I have dealt with children from dysfunctional backrounds that have pushed me to the limits, and yes I know that it is not always possible to keep your cool. However, I could never even began to fathom dropkicking and punching my child or any child. I just love how all of you out there in your pathetic passive-aggressive tones, seem to want to help this child abuser share the blame for her acts. I pray that none of you have children of your own. God help them if you do. All I have to say is thank God he has a reason for everything and it was obviously clear why this woman was not able to have kids of her own.

I am 26 years of age from Ghana not married but i think it is good to get married and have children of your own
rather than going in for adoption.It is a high level of stupidity to adopt a child and is uncall for,and also mine you blood is ticker than water.This child will never and ever appreciate all the good things that you have been doing to them.If you really wants to have kids never mine Race or were ever the person is coming from or whatever he or she is madeup of.You can even make your way to Africa and get maaried and start giving your children and live in a happy life and stop adoption.
Thank you.(adorimonaa1@yahoo.com)

I completely disagree with "Gracefox". You have obviously never worked or have been around a child with reactive attachment disorder otherwise known as RAD. I suggest you educate yourself before passing judgement or assuming anything. I work with with children who have RAD on a daily basis. It is people like you who are continuing to allow these children to suffer because you are choosing to believe this is not happening. Yes, there are many adoptions that have gone smoothly. However, almost half of the children I work with at the residential treatment center have RAD. They are aggressive, untrusting and manipulative.
Some say they are in constant "survival mode" and will do anything and everything to get what they want or need. In order to help these children live a healthy and meaningful life, people need to know what they have gone through, try to understand it and help them. I suggest you try to do the same. I am in no way sticking up for Hilt. She committed an unthinkable crime and should have to pay for it. However, I do think that if she was educated and knew that there were resources and people (such as myself) out there to help her, Nina would be alive today. PERIOD.

To "THE REAL DEAL"::
You make a hideous MISTAKE in so obviously putting up boundaries between an ADOPTED child and a BIOLOGICAL child! These are CHILDREN, NO MATTER WHAT their origins, there ARE parents who can sucessfully navigate the waters and BLEND the two into BROTHERS AND SISTERS! What in HELL is the matter with that??"BREAK YOUR OWN KIDS"?? The ONLY people responsible for dong that is THE PARENT! Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for, and you are obviously NOT "open" enough to give a child who needs a family a HOME, and NEITHER qare your friends! A CHILD's well-being is ALWAYS "worth the risk" ! I have an adopted son who is now 17 and wanting to be a zoologist or a policeman..It has been a Great success and also with the other children who DO consider him "BROTHER"..
Id advise you to LISTEN to children FOR ONCE, and stop putting up such ridiculous barriers among little people, who , regardless of their histories, merely want to be LOVED ! Whether young or old, the world would a far better place if people like you would relax your ARROGANCE and SNOBBERY!