When Adoption Goes Wrong

I strongly disagree with Joyce Sterkel, when she says that she understands how some people end up killing these kids. I think there is no excuse or any valid reason for one human being to kill another helpless human being. There is no way we can understand why Hilt took life from poor little Nina, because there is no excuse for her actions. Many kids can be very difficult, and it doesn't matter if they are adopteed or not. A child is not a dog, its a human being just like everybody else. In many cases, child's behavior is a result of how their parents raised, treated them, etc... Parents are supposed to be a responsible adults, who should realize that their child's actions are parent's responsibility, not the child's. Kids are not born already knowing what is right or wrong, good or bad; it is their parent's duty to teach them the difference bettween those things. So the way I look at these special cases, when the child drives his/her parents nuts, it is not the child's fault, it is their parent's fault. So why the parents punish their kids for their mistakes. There is no excuse for a parent to abuse and kill such helpless little beings. I think it doesn't matter from which country the child is from, kids going are going to be kids.

I find this article pretty vague. Children born elsewhere are no different from the children born in the States, except maybe for skin color and language. But they are born as human beings with flesh and red blood. The woman was going through a difficult time with this child. Some children are easy to handle and some are a bit difficult. She is an adult and she knows what she was doing. I do know people with kids far difficult than this child. Every parent has a challenge in their hands when bringing up a child.Beating a child mercilessly like that is unforgivable. This woman was not ready to adopt a child from abroad. Maybe she was infulenced by celebreties such as Angelina Jolie and Madonna. She is right when she said, "There is no punishment severe enough for what I did".

I strongly disagree with Joyce Sterkel, when said that can understand how some people end up killing these kids. There is no excuse for any one to kill another helpless human being, especially a child. And there is no excuse for Hilt who killed her helpless little Nina. Yes, in some cases kids can be difficult, and not the only one who were adopted, but death and physical abuse is not a solution to family problems. Many parents, especially who adopt kids, are not mentally prepared to deal with their new family and some are just mentally sick. It doesn't matter from what country you adopted a little life, kids are kids.

How very very very true this is. I can speak from personal experience. In 2000, my parents adopted a 7 yr old girl from Kazakhstan. Basically, we had most of the problems and symptoms mentioned in this article. The doctors diagnosed her with Reactive Attachment Disorder. She simply wouldn't bond with my parents or any family member, but she would always accept attention from strangers. We couldn't leave her alone anytime because if we did she would steal valuable items from the house or smear *** everywhere (which eventually she started doing even if someone was watching her). She urinated on the dog as well as my mother. This of course led a lot of stress and conflict in the house. My mother was usually the target of such ???attacks,??? and it eventually lead to her telling my dad ???either she leaves or I leave.??? And so, she was readopted by another family who believed they could handle her more appropriately in 2004. There were warning signs my mother saw back in the orphanage, but my father believed that things would work out in the end. To this day she [my mother] never stops henpecking my father about this. For myself, I always have a hard time explaining whenever I run into an old high school buddy who wonders ???where did the girl go???? Tons of kudos to this article!

When I read this story I was expecting an overview of adoption hassles overseas or problems with the biological parents, no child abus and murder. Adoption can go horribly wrong??? What does this have to do with overseas??? This is a woman who could not handle the stress of parenting. American children do these things while they are fostered or adopted. I don't see how where this child is from has any significance relating to the story. This writer is making it sound like her origin has something to do why her own mother murdered her. She murdered her baby because she is a murderer not beause the baby was from Russia orthe Ukraine. We have destructive toddlers right here in our own foster homes who are 10 times worse than tis little one and they are not abused by their parents. This writer makes it sound like this child is at faul for her own murder. "Think twice before you adopt a Russian baby, you might beat her death" Give me a break! Shame on whoever wrote this article. My message to prospective parents. If you have to sdopt and you are considering overseas, GO FOR IT. Adopt a dozen,The Lord will see you through tough times and I'm sure they will bring you joy for years to come.

It's really sad how little the American Public knows about the troubles that came accompany international adoptions. I work in Adoption Preservation and have gone to numerous trainings and done research on Reactive Attachment Disorder. Everyone wants to believe that they are adopting well-balanced healthy children, but that is not always the case. Many times these young infants and toddlers have spent their whole lives in orphanages, and have never experienced human touch. They sit in their cribs hour after hour with no food water, and are lucky to get their diapers changed once a day. Hence, these children come to America and begin to physically act out. Smearing of ***,. urinating on the floor, hoarding food, hurting siblings and even killing animals are very common for these children. Not to mention their ability to try to manipulate situations. This article is not defending the mother...She admits that what she did was horribly wrong, it is trying to inform readers of an epidemic that no one recognizes. There are sanctions on international adoptions from several countries now, because the families that adopt these children can't help them. Then the US gov't ends up paying the cost of these children being institutionalized....that;s the reality of it all.

Ginoj, take a breath, relax and reread the article. The author never states that this is related only to international adoption, but, that it happens more frequently. Also, the author made it a point to put in the mother's comment that there is no punishment severe enough for what she did to Nina. It never spoke of her being released, or even being allowed to be around kids again. The mothers comments clearly show a "what I did is unforgiveable" attitude. Do not be so hasty as to judge another unless you have been in their shoes. I have two children, and I've dealt with problem children, but one thing I have learned about parenting, it's about LEARNING. I do feel sympathy for the mother... AND the child. I know if I ever hurt someone or killed someone, even by accident, I would have a hard time facing myself in the mirror. I can't even fathom it.
And A mother's insatiable appetite for turmoil, drugs, and loss of self-control? I failed to see anything saying "she wanted" any of this. The point of the article is not that there was any one factor that led to this. It is trying to open people's eyes. It's about a woman who never saw herself sinking to that level, the sad life of children in internal adoption agencies, the trouble perspective parents need to think about and be prepared to get help/training for. The article wasn't so much about Hilt, but about the results of details left out, lied about, and blown over by international agencies about the children being adopted. And in that perspective there is a correlation. That is what happened. Reread, please. Hilt had NO problems, was doing fine. Their first adoption from the Ukraine went fine. Their second adoption, the foreign agency lied and hid details about the child and the childs past and condition. The child had behavioural issues! This led to Hilt's flaw. Her belief that she didn't need help to reach this child. She sincerely thought she had it under control and that love could conquer this. Like MOST cases of alcoholism, the person doesn't see the problem. Through each stage they make excuses, they lie to themselves. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a gradual problem. "It was a stressful day, just a couple drinks.", then it happens more and more each night. Then it SLOWLY creeps into the day, and it's easy for not only the person with the problem, but all their loved ones to brush it under a rug because it's a baby step all the way down. And often by the time the family is ready to confront, or by the time the person with the problem sees it, it is too late.
It's not about taking the blame off the people with the problem... but like a child who misbehaves because of abuse, it's about sympathetic justice. They should pay for the crime, but society needs to realise it wasn't entirely in their control. Crime and law doesn't discriminate, neither should love.

I wish that this artical would have focused more on treatment for the children rather than how horrible adoption can be. While I do agree that there needs to be more support for adoptive parents and more information prior to adoption I do not agree with counceling as much. We adopted two boys from Russia, at different times but both were two when they came home. They could also not be more oppisite. The oldest had a horrible history with his birthparents prior to being in the orphange, visually he was the one with the hardest life and the most needs. The day he was taken from the orphange he started improving. . Now he took a lot of work, he still does two years later but he would never have improved like he has without a home. The second was as healthy as they come home but his emotional needs are so much higher than the others and on such a different level. It has taken more time to get through to him because his needs were not so obvious. But, there are two very helpful forms of treatment that do not get much attention. The good thing about this artical is that it actually touched on one but I wish that it would have gone into it more. The "Basket Hold" does wonders for adoptive parents or any parents with children that have troubles attaching, children with RAD like both of mine. Only I don't call it the basket hold, I call it Holding Time. The child most likley never got held as an infant, there was not time for the caretakers to hold a baby as one would be held here in the states, a new born with doting parents. The child may not know how to calm themselves down and how to deal with anger and pain. his keeps the child safe, and close to the adoptive parent while allowing them to deal with their frustrations and having the parent as the one there to help them. I HIGHLY recommend any parent read Dr. Martha G Whelch's Book called Holding Time. If I were rich or even had money I could give away I would hand this book out to everyone I know. It has been a blessing and has helped the post adoptive stage. Aother treatment that I HIGHLY recommed is homeopathy. This has equally helped in our post adoptive situation and some of the stories I read above have NAMED typical symptoms that Homeopathy has been able to treat and cure. Please Please find a good homeopath to assist you, you will be amazed at the quality of care, the turnout and the price with NO side effects. And read the book RAGE FREE KIDS, or go to www.ragefreekids.com . They are great homeopathic doctors that have delt with the kids that fling *** around the room and they have cured the problem. Icannot stress how important adopting children is, they NEED a home where they can get love, hugs, food and a safe place, without it there is no telling what will happen to them. Lets work at getting them home and getting them help!

I have two adoptive Russian children. They were adopted when they were not quite 2yrs. They have given me meaing to my life. That is not to say that some days aren't hard but which mother can honestly say that everyday goes smoothly. It bothers me to read stories such as this one because it discourages so many prospective adoptive parents. My children were delayed, malnurished and sick. However, the agency we chose informed us of their situation. The agency provided video tapes and paperwork regarding the health and history of the children PRIOR to our visit to Russia. I can honestly say the agency as well as the orphange did their very best to relay all information regarding the children. When the children came home I immediately took them to one doctor after another. My children needed antibiotics, iron, immunizations, eyeglasses, speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy and so on. It is eight years later and my children are doing well in school and involved in numerous activities. Very few people realize what a rough start to life they had. Yes it was hard taking them to the experts but with their help and lots of love my children are thriving. I can not stress this enough -potential adoptive parents need to be very cautious when they are choosing their agency. They should look for referrals from someone they know who had a positive experience. It is my understanding the orphanages in Russia usually select an agency to work with. So if you have a good agency they will be working with a truthful orphanage. .

I wish that this artical would have focused more on treatment for the children rather than how horrible adoption can be. While I do agree that there needs to be more support for adoptive parents and more information prior to adoption I do not agree with counceling as much. We adopted two boys from Russia, at different times but both were two when they came home. They could also not be more oppisite.
The oldest had a horrible history with his birthparents prior to being in the orphange, visually he was the one with the hardest life and the most needs. The day he was taken from the orphange he started improving. The wonderful ladies that worked there were far out numbered by the children and did not have the ablility to give him what he needed. It took just giving him two people devouted to him to get him to improve. Now he took a lot of work, he still does two years later but he would never have improved like he has without a home.
But, there are two very helpful forms of treatment that do not get much attention. The good thing about this artical is that it actually touched on one but I wish that it would have gone into it more. The "Basket Hold" does wonders for adoptive parents or any parents with children that have troubles attaching, children with RAD like both of mine. Only I don't call it the basket hold, I call it Holding Time. The child most likley never got held as an infant, there was not time for the caretakers to hold a baby as one would be held here in the states, a new born with doting parents. The child may not know how to calm themselves down and how to deal with anger and pain.
This keeps the child safe, and close to the adoptive parent while allowing them to deal with their frustrations and having the parent as the one there to help them. In turn it develops trust and trains them to talk to the parent when their are issues they need delt with. It tells them its ok to be angry but come and tell mom or dad why you are angry and lets deal with it the right way. I HIGHLY recommend any parent read Dr. Martha G Whelch's Book called Holding Time. If I were rich or even had money I could give away I would hand this book out to everyone I know. It has been a blessing and has helped the post adoptive stage.
Another treatment that I HIGHLY recommed is homeopathy. This has equally helped in our post adoptive situation and some of the stories I read above have NAMED typical symptoms that Homeopathy has been able to treat and cure. Please Please find a good homeopath to assist you, you will be amazed at the quality of care, the turnout and the price with NO side effects. And read the book RAGE FREE KIDS, or go to www.ragefreekids.com . They are great homeopathic doctors that have delt with the kids that fling *** around the room and they have cured the problem. Even much milder symptoms such as RAD they have been able to treat and cure.

I have two adoptive Russian children. They were adopted when they were not quite 2yrs. They have given me meaing to my life. That is not to say that some days aren't hard but which mother can honestly say that everyday goes smoothly. It bothers me to read stories such as this one because it discourages so many prospective adoptive parents. My children were delayed, malnurished and sick. However, the agency we chose informed us of their situation. The agency provided video tapes and paperwork regarding the health and history of the children PRIOR to our visit to Russia. I can honestly say the agency as well as the orphange did their very best to relay all information regarding the children. When the children came home I immediately took them to one doctor after another. My children needed antibiotics, iron, immunizations, eyeglasses, speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy and so on. It is eight years later and my children are doing well in school and involved in numerous activities. Very few people realize what a rough start to life they had. Yes it was hard taking them to the experts but with their help and lots of love my children are thriving. I can not stress this enough -potential adoptive parents need to be very cautious when they are choosing their agency. They should look for referrals from someone they know who had a positive experience. It is my understanding the orphanages in Russia usually select an agency to work with. So if you have a good agency they will be working with a truthful orphanage. .

I have two adoptive Russian children. They were adopted when they were not quite 2yrs. They have given me meaing to my life. That is not to say that some days aren't hard but which mother can honestly say that everyday goes smoothly. It bothers me to read stories such as this one because it discourages so many prospective adoptive parents. My children were delayed, malnurished and sick. However, the agency we chose informed us of their situation. The agency provided video tapes and paperwork regarding the health and history of the children PRIOR to our visit to Russia. I can honestly say the agency as well as the orphange did their very best to relay all information regarding the children. When the children came home I immediately took them to one doctor after another. My children needed antibiotics, iron, immunizations, eyeglasses, speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy and so on. It is eight years later and my children are doing well in school and involved in numerous activities. Very few people realize what a rough start to life they had. Yes it was hard taking them to the experts but with their help and lots of love my children are thriving. I can not stress this enough -potential adoptive parents need to be very cautious when they are choosing their agency. They should look for referrals from someone they know who had a positive experience. It is my understanding the orphanages in Russia usually select an agency to work with. So if you have a good agency they will be working with a truthful orphanage. .