When Adoption Goes Wrong

I have two adoptive Russian children. They were adopted when they were not quite 2yrs. They have given me meaing to my life. That is not to say that some days aren't hard but which mother can honestly say that everyday goes smoothly. It bothers me to read stories such as this one because it discourages so many prospective adoptive parents. My children were delayed, malnurished and sick. However, the agency we chose informed us of their situation. The agency provided video tapes and paperwork regarding the health and history of the children PRIOR to our visit to Russia. I can honestly say the agency as well as the orphange did their very best to relay all information regarding the children. When the children came home I immediately took them to one doctor after another. My children needed antibiotics, iron, immunizations, eyeglasses, speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy and so on. It is eight years later and my children are doing well in school and involved in numerous activities. Very few people realize what a rough start to life they had. Yes it was hard taking them to the experts but with their help and lots of love my children are thriving. I can not stress this enough -potential adoptive parents need to be very cautious when they are choosing their agency. They should look for referrals from someone they know who had a positive experience. It is my understanding the orphanages in Russia usually select an agency to work with. So if you have a good agency they will be working with a truthful orphanage. .

Please advise those you know who are pursuing international adoption to educate themselves on attachment issues. My husband and I adopted our daughter at the age of 12 months and, even as an infant, she exhibited attachment "issues". The first three months with her were very rough, but we were lucky--we had attended an attachment seminar prior to our adoption and had just enough knowledge to make us recognize her issues and deal with them head-on. My daughter is a well-adjusted, beautiful, loving 3 1/2 year old now, but I shudder to think what might have happened had we had to deal with new parent issues plus attachment issues without any knowledge or support.

Unfortunately, international adoption is still often romanticized as "rescuing an orphan". I am so glad that there are thousands of families who are willing to open their homes to children who are often living in completely dire circumstances, but potential adoptive families must be educated and informed that a warm, stable, loving home is not always enough for children who have endured such physical and emotional abuse or neglect. Likewise, those who adopt domestically should be educated as well. In fairness, I'd like to hear factual statistics on those who adopt out of the US foster care system and experience the same kinds of issues as are mentioned in this story. I personally know of two families who "returned" their adopted children to the foster care system--attachment issues are not just international adoption issues--they are ADOPTION issues.

It's not just overseas adoption. My parents adopted an american 4 year old in 1980. He came from a very troubled past including abadonment and abuse and had fetal alchol syndrome. The system had bounced him back and forth between his biological parents and foster care. When he got to my parents, he had rotten teeth and serious emotional problems. My parents were told that all he needed was "a llittle love" to turn him around. The first night, he horaded food. My parents used all of their retirement funds and savings on private treatment. He ran away at 16 and has been in and out of prison since. He caused our family grief and pain and almost wrecked my parents mariage. Adoptive parents need to be warned about what they are getting into! The cute little kid you are trying to save may not be salvagable.

People think that love conquers all, but it does not. Russian children are severely abused and ignored in their own country. Then they come to America and are showered with love and affection, something that they have never seen. You invade their space, and expect interaction from them. They have always been independent, and now they are told to be part of a family. Children learn a tremendous amount in the first 2 years. Most of these kids are at least 1 year by the time that they are adopted. I also know for a fact, that the bait and switch happens ALL the time there. I also know that they falsify orphanage records there. You have to videotape your child and bring it back for an expert to review. If you don't, you are in trouble. If they won't let you videotape the child playing for a few minutes, you should not adopt form that country at all.

sorry for the double post and I meant to say I feel for the mother in the story

My child behaves in that way and I am the birth mother.

I opened this story because the headline caught my eye. Very inerestesting article but I have an adoption that went wrong on a reverse level. My daughter was adopted by a patermal relative who was stable and living a very good life in another state when she was a week old. Fast forward 16 years, I find out they are now back in the state, I regain contact with them and the relative is now a homeless heroin addict bouncing between shelters with her 3 children, the oldest being my daughter she adopted. Of course my daughter wants to come back to live with me and I am more than willing since while the adopted mother was undoing the great start to her life I was working to better mine, graduated from college, started a career and have a stable home but the adopted mother needs her oldest there to take care of her little ones so she must stay for the next year until she turns 18. If I had it to do all over again would I? That is a huge NO! I would have kept my beautiful child who is physically and mentally like a clone of me. Thankfully her entire life wasn't like this, up to 10 she had the life I wanted her to have when I relinquished so she is a well adjusted responsible young lady. I feel horrible she has the responsiblity of watching over her 'mother' and taking care of her baby siblings pretty much unable to do the social things teenagers do.

I was adopted when I was four days old and how grateful I am that I was. I feel that adoption is so difficult in the US that if I had been born twenty years later I may have had a very different life, unfortunately. I now have four grown children of my own and believe me some days were tough and totally draining BUT drinking away my troubles and becoming physically aggressive was never an option. Besides if a woman is drinking how the heck can anyone say she hid her problem??? You can smell alcohol on someone's breath a mile away!! That her husband didn't notice her problems isn't an excuse.

People adopt out of country because they fear adoption reversals in the U.S. if the birth parents want to regain their parental rights. I have 2 Russian children one is perfectly adjusted, the other has reactive attachment disorder. Don't judge unless you have been in our shoes. Luckily, I have the resources to get help for my child.

Well it's not uncommon to hear that foster care has a detrimental effect on a child, regardless of where in the world it is located. I agree with previous comments that perhaps a lot of these parents weren't well-equipped to handle problems associated with that. I also think that maybe all the celebrity news sensationalism in regards to overseas adoptions might have contributed to the increase in relinquished kids.

I have personal experience with a Russian scam and this just confirms that they have this down to an art.

This article should have expressed both viewpoints. Yes, there are terrible cases, but the are very few and far between. My sister was adopted from Bulgaria, and I love her and the joy she's brought to my family. International adoption is expensive, and you deal with many shady people in a foreign land, but the results of it are amazing. I understand in special cases that these children are not safe to themselves or others, at which point they need to be put into a safe environment with professionals. The joys of a successful adoption are worth far more than the risk involved, and that should be said in the article. Please, if anyone is reading this article and is considering international adoption, it is a worthwhile good. Do realize that there are risks, but also realize that there is a lot of good to come from it. Even if things go badly, it's better that they are kept in a safe environment here, rather than in their original country, where even more harm and chaos may ensue. Adoption is a beautiful thing, and if you are considering, it is more than worth the risk.

I don't think this article is meant to deter adoption, but the thinking that is common when prospective parents are adopting--that love is enough to overcome any difficulty a child might present-- is just not fair to the adoptive parents or the adoptive child. Specialized, practical tools, awareness of potential problems, education about how to find the right treatment is the kind and right thing to do. Agency/ orphanage sponsored ignorance is not the right thing to do. No adoptive parent signs up to have their family destroyed. The parents are trying to create healthy families for themselves and the children. As a mental health provider to these families, I have seen all parties dreams shattered because they had no tools and no education about the issues that might present.

I don't think this article is meant to deter adoption, but the thinking that is common when prospective parents are adopting--that love is enough to overcome any difficulty a child might present-- is just not fair to the adoptive parents or the adoptive child. Specialized, practical tools, awareness of potential problems, education about how to find the right treatment is the kind and right thing to do. Agency/ orphanage sponsored ignorance is not the right thing to do. No adoptive parent signs up to have their family destroyed. The parents are trying to create healthy families for themselves and the children. As a mental health provider to these families, I have seen all parties dreams shattered because they had no tools and no education about the issues that might present.

I don't think this article is meant to deter adoption, but the thinking that is common when prospective parents are adopting--that love is enough to overcome any difficulty a child might present-- is just not fair to the adoptive parents or the adoptive child. Specialized, practical tools, awareness of potential problems, education about how to find the right treatment is the kind and right thing to do. Agency/ orphanage sponsored ignorance is not the right thing to do. No adoptive parent signs up to have their family destroyed. The parents are trying to create healthy families for themselves and the children. As a mental health provider to these families, I have seen all parties dreams shattered because they had no tools and no education about the issues that might present.

I think it all depends on each individual no matter were the are from,it depends how you race a child,he or she will become a great person,I know a great Doctor he was adaptoded and he turn to be very good person even your own kids can become bad if you don't know how to race them with values,I feel sorry for Hilt she should look for help before all this tragedy destroyed her family,but also I don't aproved of what she did because was horrible.