When Adoption Goes Wrong

I am an adoptive mother of two children. This is not an isolated, foreign adoptive situation. My children came from the foster care system in the USA and I have had the same experience from my son. He was 3 when adopted and at the age of 5 we had him in counciling and on meds. It progressed to the point of putting back into theriputic foster care to get intense help from the system and when he came home 8 months later he was worse than before. Things have gotten a little better at the age of 10 now but my family has suffered to the point of no going back. We remain together but all live day to day. We never know when my son will explode and do something terrible to us or the pets. We talk to him over and over, take him to counciling, and give him his meds every day. We go to church with him and have tried to instill a sense of the lord and what is right and wrong but it is a daily struggle. You just never know when you adopt or give birth what will happen. Mental illness is the most difficult disability to deal with because you can't see it. They look perfectly normal and the thing is that you expect them to act as they look. When the don't it is like what have I done wrong to make them act this way? It is not you, it is their mental illness. It has taken me a long while to realize this and to recognise this. Good luck to all of you dealing with this. I think that when my life ever settles down I may write a book of my experiences and everything I have been through. It may help someone else.

That last comment was in reply to the woman who said that Debbie "just doesn't get it." Well--explain it then! Don't just berate the woman for asking. A lot of people ask that question. I asked one of my best friends and received a wonderful, thoughtful answer that changed the way I think about adopting overseas. So--share your wisdom rather than back-handing her.

My wife and I went through the entire process of adopting a russian infant in 1992. Upon our arrival to St. Petersburg we were informed of the Government's last minute decision to put a moratorium on all foreign adoptions. We went home empty-handed (and our pockets were empty,too)

We ended up adopting a 6 month old with Down Syndrome right here in the U.S. A fantastic lad who is now 15.

With so many children in foster care in the US, why does anyone go to the expence and red-tape of adopting from other countires?