When Adoption Goes Wrong

MeeMees--When we first started looking at adoption, we looked at foreign adoptions because we really didn't know much about the kids in foster care. A good search engine online changed that and opened our eyes to the waiting kids in this country. There are literally hundreds of thousands of kids. We are now on the way to adopting two kids from the system. We are as thankful to have them as they are to have us.

This is important information for anyone dealing with children (adopted or otherwise). It helps to know that there are things you can do and where you can get help. I have seen many children with these kinds of behaviours in my classes over the years (most of those have not been adopted, but have gone through other traumas) and watched as the parents struggled to deal with them. It causes a lot of strain on families. It makes a huge difference when the problem is out in the open and resources are available, so parents don't blame themselves and feel they don't have any hope. I have learnt so much from the parents and from other teachers/professionals that has helped me to deal with these children to achieve positive change. Knowledge is the key, it allows you some control of the situation and you don't feel guilty because you know it is not your fault. Many people blame themselves when all their best strategies haven't worked. It is important also to be able to have back-up so that you can step-away for a time in some situations so that you do not reach the breaking point. One thing that I have noted is that these problems are increasing in the population that I have been teaching. The cause? I am not sure, but my co-workers and I see the same pattern and it is disturbing. There is something in our society that is changing, which is not good for our children. The problem does not just exist with adopted children, though they may be more likely to manifest it due to the number of changes they have had to adapt to and who knows what type of situations they have gone through. Parents need more help to deal with these situations and information like this is so important to let them know that they are not alone in dealing with these situations and there is help.

I have worked within the social services system for over 20 years. The Federal and State governments spend more on tourism and giving tax breaks to corporations than they are willing to spend on children in foster care. My heart goes out to adoptive parents who do not receive the support they deserve in trying to parent severely emotionally disabled children. Talk to your government representatives about providing for more counseling, treatment foster care and other services that are so needed.

The statistics in this article are completly useless. You tell us that 14 children in almost two decades have been murdered, but not out of how many total international adoptees, nor how many domestic adoptees or natural born children have been murdered. You also say that 81 international adoptees have been surrendered to local athorities in 2006, but again not out of a total number of adoptees nor if this number is high or low when compared to domestic adoptees or biological children. There is no way for a reader to tell if these numbers are high or low or about average, and therefore no way for a reader to form an informed opinion on the matter.

I found the statistics in this article useless. 14 adopted children killed in almost 2 decades. Ok, out of how many adopted children? How many children adopted from domestic facilities where murdered? How many natural born children? The same problem arises with the 81 children surrendered in 2006. 81 out of how many adoptees? How many domestic adoptees and natural born children where surrendered during the same period? Without this information it is impossible for someone to make an informed opinion based on your article.

jo83, no one's telling you to adopt domestically. this article was purely warning prospective parents the dangers of adoption. domestic and forgien children alike are at risk tp psychological damage. not every child is willing to love and be loved. psychological damage at a young age can be irreverisble, and in unfortunate circumstances, these children are passed off as "healthy" and not getting the therapy they need. futhurmore, many people are unaware of the "dark side" of adoption, and do not know where to reach out for help. this article wasn't meant to offend infertile couples, but rather warn them of the dangers of adoption.

Has anyone had any experience with adopting from Kazakhstan, Karaganda in specific?

Has any one had any experience with adopting from Kazakhstan? Especially from Karaganda? Any feedback would be great.

After reading about adoption gone bad, I f eel so fortunate to have had the experience of adopting two children from South America. We adopted two infants at the same time ages 2 and 6 weeks old. My daughter was very ill at 6 weeks old, but after doctor visits and anibiotics to clear her digestive system, she was fine. Being able to adopt at a very early age, was a plus. My husband and I went through a private adoption. We were able to do this through varies contacts. Our chilldren's adoption was finalized in the country that they were from. The process took a year before we finally had the children which seems like forever when you are an adoptive parent. It was not always a smooth transaction and we did have some roller coaster trials that we faced during the process. Both weighed five pounds at 4 and 6 weekswhen I first held each one. Our children are now 26 years old, both above average intelligence well adjusted adults. Both are married and we are expecting our first grandchild in a few months. I was in the room during the sonogram and heard that precious heart beat and saw that little one pound baby boy's arms and legs moving was more than I could ever ask for. God has truly blessed us with our children and the spouse that they chose. If we had it to do over, we would do it again a million times. My heart and prayers go out to the families and the children that I have read about in the article.

I would highly recommed to anyone interested in adopting a child (foreign or domestic) to be very informed about RAD. Not every child will have attachment issues, but many do. Find a therapist that is specifically trained in reactive attachment disorder, and then find a neurofeedback provider to address the physiology of the brain. RAD is a child in fight-or-flight mode. Unless you address the physiology of the brain, no amount of therapy or love is going to matter. There is hope..............good luck!

I would highly recommeded that anyone adopting a child explore RAD as a possibility. Certainly not all children that are adopted struggle with attachment issues, but many do. Once you have found a therapist that specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder, find a Neurofeedback Provider to address the overarousal of the brain. These children are in fight-or-flight mode and without addressing the physiology of the brain (the intense fear), no amount of therapy or love is going to be helpful. Good luck............there is hope!

Adoptive parents needs to realize that just because you can pick the child that does not mean that your child is as perfect as you expected. Just like biological children, adoptive children can have problems too. I'm appaled with the comments from Joyce Sterkel that she understands why parents end up killing these kids. You do not kill children because they show no love or empathy. I know many parents who has biological children with developmental disorders. These children has similar traits and problems as these adoptive childrens. Most of parents of disabled child do not give up their child once they know that their child is disabled. Many developmental disorders are not known from birth either. Autism, for example is usually diagnosed when the child is older than 2.

Adoptive parents needs to realize that just because you can pick the child that does not mean that your child is as perfect as you expected. Just like biological children, adoptive children can have problems too. I'm appaled with the comments from Joyce Sterkel that she understands why parents end up killing these kids. You do not kill children because they show no love or empathy. I know many parents who has biological children with developmental disorders. These children has similar traits and problems as these adoptive childrens. Most of parents of disabled child do not give up their child once they know that their child is disabled. Many developmental disorders are not known from birth either. Autism, for example is usually diagnosed when the child is older than 2.

And to all of you who have had bad experiences, my heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry. My God bless you, and heal you. I have only known joy from our experience.