When Adoption Goes Wrong

You don't need to go abroad to find these horror stories. We had a similar experience with the Dept. of Human Services right here in the good ol US of A!

How about when an adoption goes right? I adopted three beautiful girls ages nine, nine and six from Stavropol, Russia three years ago. I read all I could about every disorder, and worried, and fretted, but I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. After we made our initial trip to visit the girls, we came home, and called them EVERY week until we returned three months later to claim them for our own. They are now thirteen, thirteen, and ten. They are beautiful, intelligent, articulate, well adjusted and loving young ladies. They have blessed us more than I can ever say. Each story that has been written about bad adoptions - in my eyes it is obvious why. If someone asks you to lie or do something on your paperwork that you shouldn't do, there is a big warning sign.
We have been told many many times that we got "lucky". While there are no guarantees, you can certainly hedge your bets on success if you don't make the mistakes this article shows and discribes. My advice is to HUG that child as soon as you see them. Get in their space. Get in their FACE. And love them. Tell them. Show them. And then DO it.
For a more positive story - www.singhappy2.blogspot.com

This problem is not just with international adoptions. My husband and I have three adopted children. Our two sons were 9 months and 8 weeks when we adopted them-We fianlized on our daughter last May. We were made to jump through every hoop available and told we were adopting a sibling pair which DHHS then told us we were not "Up to handling both girls" and we had the option of adopting only the younger more challenging child or neither. We were told if we did not adopt her, she and her sister would be split up and never see each other again. Of course we didn't want that to happen so we agreed to adopt her never having her complete background until after the adoption was final. We are now dealing with the fallout from this decision and are looking to place our daughter in a group home before our entire family is destroyed.

I cannot even bear to read the story. Adoption is an open commitment. It is an opportunity to be a parent to a child who needs a parent. Hopefully, the choice will bring these strangers to a bond of love and respect.

My daughter came to me as an infant. Hungry and scared. It took her two months to finally heal physically. The laughter that abounded from her body was such a joy to see behind her glee.

Whether she has healed emotionally from the fact that she does not have the biological tie, is an important concern. But, she is adored by all around her.

The choice to bring this beautiful daughter into our lives was a fulfillment for me in a heart that desired such a union. As with all children, they yearn to be loved by the parent. If, the parent cannot fulfill that need, they being the adult need to ask for the help.

It does not matter whether you conceive this child or receive this child, love ties that bond. Children are still the innoncents. It is the adults that create the paths that children either have choices on as they go down the road, being good or bad. Please, seek the help, for it does exist. Taking a purely wonderful human being as a child and destroying that perfection is a loss for all of mankind.

I am an aodptive mother of three. Two from the california foster care system that were adopted at 5 and 6 and one 2 years old from private adoption adopted at birth. A lot that is mentioned here really has nothing to do with international adoption. It has to do with ANY adoption of a child that was at any time exposed to abuse or neglect. My older children have displayed some of the same exact "symptoms" of the international adoptees. My todler has never known anything other than my husbadn and i and he is day and night different from my other two. They are so hard to love or even like due to their lack of empathy, love or happiness. any display of love is a manipulation to get something and any show of empathy is normally attention seeking while others are around. i find myself wishing every day that i can go back and un-do my desision to adopt. I wasnted to make a difference in their lives. I had all the training on the "worst case senarios" but was told my their social worker that they were loving sweet children who would do great in a family setting. Liars.

Our family has exeriencd the same thing wth a state adoption. The teenaged boy that we took was violent, threatened to kill us, attacked our sons, stole, lied, etc. We finaly had him removed when we found detailed
plans to murder us. Several months later, he tried to come home, and we refused. Then I was accused of
sexual abuse, and I've been fighting in the courts since then. Nobody believes that these kids make up stories, but we have seen this for ourselves. My heart goes out to you and your husband, and I know that this is a terrible situation. The fact remains that if you are accused of a sex crime by a child or teen, reason is thrown out the window, and you are guilty until proven innocent.

We adopted 4 girls from Romania. They had been in the orphanages since birth. Ages of adoption were 2 at 8, 10, 14. Girls lied unbelievably accusing husband of abuse. Subsequently judge didn't want to hear of reactive attachment disorders, threats on our lives,the abuse to us , the parents., their indescrett behavior towards men, running away , etc. Sad to say but due to these false allegations my innocent husband is serving time in prison. All inter-country adoptions need to be prohibited completely.

We have 6 adopted children. All of them are special needs and we received them as babies. We received very little information about the birth parents beforehand, especially the two boys from Korea. They have all been a blessing and a trial at times but I don't know if it would have been worse if they had been our birth-children. Three of them have emotional disorders and that has been the hardest to deal with as there is so little help for children in that area. Physical disorders are much easier to cope with even though there is emotional difficulty there. We have been to hell and back with them and we couldn't love them more than we do our biological child. They're turning into great adults. We have taken each of our experiences with each child as an opportunity for personal growth, although I must admit that sometimes that is easier to do in retrospect, after whatever whirlwind is over.

My son was born into foster care and for political reasons we never understood wallowed in foster care for 2 years in 3 different homes and became a typical case of reactive attachment disorder at the age of 5. Adoption in the US still focuses on the rights of the birthparents, often at the expense of the children that are supposed to be protected. My financial, social and emotional well being has been destroyed and I resent the fact that there are people who judge others without having "walked in our shoes". How many children have been killed at the hands of their own biological parents? Do those parents get stripped of their rights to parent any more children - - heaven forbid we violate thier constitutional rights. Do your research into attachment disorder and you will see into my world. No one prepared me for dealing with a reactive disordered child and I had to find the resources by myself.

Yes, but adoption in the US had made a bad name for itself, due to the fact that many times once a child has been placed in a home and the bonding process has started, parents can come back years later after having giving up their child for adoption to reclaim them. And many times (if not every time) the court sees the parent as having rights over their birth child and therefore the child is taken out of a loving enviroment and placed with a parent that they feel didn't want them in the frst place. How many people do you know what to raise a child for 5, 10, 15 years before the court desides to come snatch the child out of your home because one or both of their parents want them back? I don't know any.
Not only that, I'm not saying that every child doesn't need a home because I believe they do - however, when you adopt a child from a third world country, you're giving that child/ person a chance and an opportunity to live a life that the unadopted child here in the US will already have. The US is a rich country and has several things to offer, which many people want to give that opportunity to a child who may never have that chance. We're talking about a desent education, a warm, loving home with running water, personal growth on levels that are not available in some countries.

As an adoptive mother of a child who spent the first two years of his life being shuttled from foster home to foster home only to manifest the classic symptoms of attachment disorder, I can only say to the mother "I understand". I have been fired from work twice for excessive absences and had to endure the pain of seeing my son locked up, drugged up, and strapped up because of the out of control rage so often seen in these children. It will destroy your marriage, your finances, and your career whether you have good insurance or not! the children are the one's who suffer the most and I resent the fact that people are being judgemental towards those they do not even know. I invite you into my world. Adoption in the US is no easier than foreign adoption but for different reasons. ..my son wallowed in foster care for nearly 2 years when we had a home ready, willing, and able to take him but for political reasons we never understood were not given that opportunity and my son paid the price with emotional baggage that will be with him for life. Do your research on attachment disorder and you will see my life as an adoptive Mom. The birthparents still have all the rights and the best interests of the children are often ignored.

I'm only 18 but when I get married I plan on adopting abroad as well...and this is really scary to read about. I never would have thought that these adoption agencies would be so manipulative and deceitful. Its sad for both the parents and the children; instead of getting the help they need these children are thrust into families that don't know how to handle them and the parents are just as confused. No one is at fault here except the agencies and I think international laws should somehow stop this.

While this is a tragic event that could have been avoided, it illustrates several issues with international adoptions. Too many agencies with profit in mind and not the children, adequate support systems in place in order to cut costs and resources for those that are struggling with an adopted child that need special attention.