When Adoption Goes Wrong

I have a younger brother who was adopted from Russia. Not everything was perfect when he first came to live with us, but just like any other child he simply needed love and patience. Children adopted from foreign countries not only have to adjust to a new family but to a completely different lifestyle, a different culture. Nothing is familiar. How can you blame a child from acting out when they are forced outside of their comfort zone, albeit for the better. Adoptive parents, and especially adoptive families need to do their part by learning about the culture that their child will be coming from. Families especially should attend some sort of family therapy.

What difference does it make if the kids are foreign born or American born? Most kids adopted later in their lives DO have problems, American kids included. Tell me why an adoptive parent expects it to be picture perfect? Are they simply stupid? How else can anyone expect a perfect child coming out of the
imperfect situation early in their lives? They need someone to stand by them NO MATTER WHAT! Shame on these so called parents!

To Ariel_555: I am an adoptive parent, and I thank the Universe every day for my son. I never knew I could love so much, and I suspect your parents feel the same. I wonder why you have the perspective you do, and if anyone knows the depth of your bitterness. I got the impression the article was written to address foreign adoptions and the extent of the deceptions practiced by the agencies involved. Was your situation similar to these? It sounds like you believe you are the one deceived and betrayed by the adoption process.

What difference does it make if the kids are foreign born or American born? It seems like the author is actually siding with American parents for killing foreign born kids (yeah her heart goes out for them, poor things, they just wanted everything to be picture perfect, guess what, you should not expect it to be, it is a human being not a THING to get rid of it when things go wrong.

Adoption is Cruel? Maybe you should appreciate the fact that you were loved by you adoptive parents. Would you rather be living on the street or going from foster family to foster family? Many children overseas die from sickness that is easily curable in the US. Or they may just starve to death. That sounds like a much better life that being adopted. Don't let your bad experience ruin things for other adoptive parents and their children. Also, a child that is adopted is your "real child". They are loved just as much.

What difference does it make if the kids are foreign born or American born? It seems like the author is actually siding with American parents for killing foreign born kids (yeah her heart goes out for them, poor things, they just wanted everything to be picture perfect, guess what, you should not expect it to be, it is a human being not a THING to get rid of it when things go wrong.

To Ariel_555: I am an adoptive parent, and I thank the Universe every day for my son. I never knew I could love so much, and I suspect your parents feel the same. I wonder why you have the perspective you do, and if anyone knows the depth of your bitterness. I got the impression the article was written to address foreign adoptions where the parents are deceived by the agencies involved. Did that happen to you or your parents? It sounds to me like you believe you are the one who has been deceived and betrayed by life itself.

Adoption is cruel? Would you rather be living on the street? Would you rather have no food and die from a sickness that is easily curable at a young age? Don't let your bad experience ruin how great adoption is for other children.

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Hahahahaha

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Despite the need to get help, there is really not a lot of help out there for parents - adoptive parents are, for the most part, left to their own devices, Despite all well-intended efforts, agencies simply do not provide the follow-up care that is needed...heck, even naturally conceived babies and their families don't get the support they need!...and we wonder why PPD is on the rise? In either case, the family must be supported - the mother, especially. Group community classes that care designed to help parent get in touch with their children hold a treasure-chest of benefits at often affordable rates. Sadly, few know about these, decide "I don't have the time" or if they don't know enough about it, they don't go. Baby Massage or Infant massage, Baby Signing, Baby Yoga, Family Music classes - these are all designed to foster the simple yet complex aspects of healthy infant/child growth and development - and they are fun and they get families connected with one another. It may seem like a simple approach - and it is, there are no big secrets here. It's about investing our hearts into our children (as a supportive society) - it is only then their hearts can grow.

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Thank goodness this important magazine is writing about this important issue to help adopting parents- to- be to have a clear view before making any decision. We adopted two children from Colombia two years ago, brtoher, 9 and sister, 8 after five long years of a lot of paper work ( social studies, FBI check ups, medical examinations, CPR trainings, psycholgical evaluations, trips and interviews) here and over there. The Agency over there, Instituto Colombiano de Bienestar Familiar promised us the children were very healthy physycal and mentally, since we requested "healthy children" because our son is handicapped. All their evaluations, medical and psychological, were perfect. Nothing wrong with them. Lovely kids. When these kids arrived to our house was when the nightmare started. They had all the problems that you describe as signs ( violence, sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc., etc.) but no one told us anything about it. The overseas agency only wanted to find a home for these children and lie to us. When we faced the situation we tried to returned them back to Colombia but the Agency said, too late since the children became USA citizens as soon as they arrived to the airport. To make this long story short, finally, the Agency in USA that did our paper work , helped us looking for another home for them. The reality is that adopting parents do not have enough information, there is no post-placement support or mental health help in the community. I think the Goverment needs to do a better job supporting people that the only thing they want to do is help children. Agencies need to be honest in the assessments they do before placing children and give parents as much information as they can in order to make the adoption process successful and a great experience for both parents and children. Great article. Thanks.
The Rivers