The Borowitz Report: The Trouble With Travel

Millionaire balloonist Steve Fossett aborted a trip to a 7-Eleven convenience store near his home last night, stating that the journey was "too risky" to continue.

Fosset had attempted to travel to the store, located less than one mile from his residence, in a 1998 Honda Prelude with a V-6 engine and power windows. But halfway into his journey, he noticed that the car appeared to be low on gas.

"I saw that little gas tank thingy light up and I was like, 'Oh boy'," Fossett said at a recent press conference. "I realized that the whole trip had become really dangerous."

At that point, Fossett had to decide whether to continue or abandon his journey. Reluctantly, he decided that the chances of running out of gas had rendered the trip too risky.

"This was the biggest disappointment in my life," a crestfallen Fossett told reporters.

Fossett said he planned to reschedule the trip-in which he had hoped to pick up a 20-ounce coffee and a bacon-and-egg sandwich-as soon as he refueled the Prelude and checked on the vehicle's window-washer fluid, which also appeared to be low.