Suburban Swingers

I read this article with great interest - this is the reason my ex husband and I got divorced. He found the whole "sex with any woman" (plus the wife) to be greatly appealing and didn't understand why I found sex with people I didn't know/like/love to be rather repellant. I went with him once, purely to gratify his desires, and watching his happiness grow in direct proportion to my unhappiness made me realize what a selfish person he was. Now I'm happy in a monogamous relationship with someone who doesn't believe in swinging, and my ex husband whines to everyone who will listen about how lonely he is.

Someone quoted in the article said it best "it has to be a need or a desire" (pardon the paraphrasing). If you don't want to do it, or don't have a need to do it, forcing yourself to do it to please your partner just breeds resentment.

If swingers want to swing, then swing away. It's their personal business who they do or don't sleep with, just as it's my personal business who I sleep with. I'm not a swinger but to each his own. That said, as a home owner I would take issue. Having 100 people, give or take, running in and out of my neighborhood every weekend would cause me concern. I would consider that, in and of itself, a safety issue as well as a property value issue. Frankly, swingers or not, I wouldn't want that kind of thing going on across the street from me on a constant and regular basis. I think the home owners have a valid point, moral objections aside. I'm not a lawyer, but I would think that legally that would be the road to take in court. If these folks are serving alcohol, asking for *donations*, and all that goes with a good sized party then who is watching for designated drivers and other safety issues? I don't invite folks I don't know into my home because I consider it to be a safety issue, and yet they are bringing hundreds into a neighborhood with little to no knowledge of the folks coming through. I would consider such things a safety issue as well as a property value issue. Call it anything you like, they are running a club which is a business. Move it into a business district.

Christie... I too am a nurse, and I am appaled at your posts. As nurses, we are supposed to be non-judgemental of our patients - all of our patients. I am not a swinger... perfectly content with one man, who is perfectly content with me. However, with that said, I must add that I have a "live and let live" attitude, If people contract STD's from sex partners, they have to deal wit that. ANYONE having sex with more than one person nedds to PROTECT THEMSELVES. Assume that you need to protect yourself EVERY TIME you have sex with a new partner, or accept that you are taking a huge risk that could have lifelong consequences. If you do catch something, care enough about the other person to tell them in advance, or YOU HAVE TAKEN THEIR CHOICE AWAY. Be responsible, and find non-judgemental doctors and nurses.

This is what the world has some to....aids is all about you idiots and being a nurse we have to be more carefull because of the likes of you wierd ppl. This is why there are all kinds of STD's out there and diseases and I have been married since I was 17 and been with one man and my spouse with just me. If he ever goes with another woman than it is over and why be with someone that has been with someone else! Disgusting and not here and that is that way it should be and I feel for my children as they grow older and wonder what this world is coming to! Wish there was a way to abolish all the bad seeds!

I think that the activities behind the closed doors are muddying the issue. If noise/traffic is the issue, then that needs to be dealt with. Perhaps a law regarding side street traffic or some such. American's (and I am one of them) can be so puritanical that they aren't able to see the issues clearly. Swingers are real (I am one of them too) and they aren't going away. If it is a zoning issue, then that can be dealt with as well. Keep your nose out of other people's bedrooms unless you want to watch, that is! ; )

As is typical in America we have people unwilling to accept there are different lifestyles, religions and in the saddest cases people are still stuck on the color of peoples skin. I can understand wanting a peaceful enviornment in my residential area. If it is truly bothring the neighborhood then it shouldn't be allowed to affect other peoples home enviornment but that has nothing to do with the private peaceful activities in peoples personal lives. It amuses and saddens me that people like baptox morally judge the "shallowness" of other people's life choices based on his/her own life choices without leaving room for the possibility that this lifestyle is enjoyable and fufilling for two people and brings something to their life. Seriously I dont like ocra but I don't judge those people who do. Oh yeah we were talking about sex... which causes the most sane people to stick their head in the sand. Judge not lest ye be judged... isnt that how it goes?

These people know very well that they were running a business out of their home. Their analogy to hosting a superbowl party, which would happen once a year, is ridiculous. Good for the city for shutting them down! What you do in your own home behind closed doors becomes the public's business when you are running a business without a license and violating zoning laws.
I find these people very sad and the whole movement indicative of the shallow nature of people's lives. Your writers inclusion of the observation that many of the participants are professionals is bizarre. So what? If they were all blue and pink collar workers would it change the nature of the activity?
The comment about "wife swapping" is also indicative of the sexist nature of this type of activity. When human beings are viewed as objects to be "swapped" we have really reached a new low in our culture.

My husband and I, a swinging couple in Chicago, are finding many open-minded couples who are becoming more open about their lifestyle. It's refreshing. We refuse to let other people dictate their "morality" to us, and we are even preparing to teach an introductory class to swinging (no sex, porn or erotica: strictly informative) in one neighborhood community learning center. Swinging is rewarding for us, but we recognize that only very healthy, strong relationships survive the lifestyle.

Oh come on titillated America! Again, I think we have more significant issues to focus than frolicking adults and BS (I mean Brittany Spears)?

A good example of why we should strive to keep Gvt. in check, be it Federal or State. Just erecting the no parking signs is an attack on a private citizen.

Exactly why we should alwyas work to keep government in check, federal or state. Just erecting the no parking signs is an attack on a private citizen.

I would think the GOOD citizens of Duncanville woulb be more worried adout the Catolic curches in their area than a group of private citizens exercising their constitutional rights. The Catholics are know child sex offenders.

I don't really care about swinging, it isn't for me. But if someone else wants to partake then I say go for it. However, I do live in a neighborhood with many corner bars. I can understand why people would have an issue with weekly parties, outside noise at night and someone who is clearly operating a commercial business in a residential neighborhood. If you want to operate a profit-minded sex club then find an appropriate spot with the required zoning and parking facilities.

On the one hand they are adults and can do what they want. On the other I can't believe that there aren't partners that only go along to please their partners. I would like to see statistics over a long period how many couples break up over the issue. I suspect its more than the proponents know about or let on.
Moral of the story - marry someone with the approximate same sex drive as yourself though that's often hard since men (people are people regardless of fads and trends) typically need more sex and seem to crave more variety though women get bored too.
Personally? I think swinging is a little creepy. I wouldn't be interested in seeing or touching the hairy butts, flabby abs etc. of the random 100 strangers that showed up.
Specifically this couple were not smart letting these parties get so big as to draw all this attention. Unless they wanted it which it sort of seems so.
Last, isn't anyone else just sick of heariing about and having everything be about sex all the time? I'm so bored with it. I'm not a particularly moral person or a prude but it'd be nice if the assumption that everyone is revved up 200% and ready to bang all the time. I wonder if we won't swing the other way though till we've hit bottom with all our restaurants with live sex shows and porn on public tv's instead of news.

Consensual sex in the US is not a crime. However in the era of AIDS the conduct is foolhardy at best. I know because I have AIDS. I have not had sex since 1983. My doctor found a lump in my neck in 1986. AIDS is not a picnic.

In the era of AIDS the conducts seems foolhardy at best . I am a gay man with the disease. I have abstained from sex for 25 years. I take my medicine and believe me it's no pocnic.