The Rise Of The Only Child

Now the Whites have 1,250 subscribers to their newsletter, which, among other things, offers profiles of famous only children, including Indira Gandhi, Chelsea Clinton and U.S. Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan. Their Web site receives at least 20,000 hits a month, from as far afield as Asia, Scandinavia and South America, and dispenses advice on everything from adjusting to the empty nest to caring for aging parents.

All the networking and advice-sharing may make only children and their parents feel better. But the truth is, it's not necessary. Study after study has found the same thing: whether they grow up in Thailand or Bolivia, only children are indistinguishable from those with siblings. "Only children are pretty much like everybody else," says American psychologist Toni Falbo, who wrote "The Single Child Family." "You can find slight advantages in an only child in self-esteem and academic achievement. But there's no difference in sociability or aggressiveness." If anything, only children tend to be friendlier and more communicative, to get along well with adults and to have exceptionally close relationships with their parents. Marie-Amelie Goachet, a 20-year-old architecture student in Paris, who lives, shops and talks constantly with her mother, Agnes, says her friends can't understand their tight bond. "They think it's really strange, especially that I tell her things they'd never dream of telling their parents," she says.

To be sure, only children experience some things differently from those with siblings. Many feel more pressure to succeed. In the absence of brothers and sisters, only children also tend to look more exclusively to their parents as role models. Still, the only time most only children say they wish for siblings is when it comes to caring for aging, ailing parents. Britain's David Emerson, coauthor of the book "The Only Child," says that such a person bears a terrible burden in having to make all the decisions alone. "He has no one to call up, even if it's a brother in Australia, and say, 'Do you think we should put our father into a home?' " Emerson knows from experience: after his father died, he chose to move his elderly mother from their family home, where she was vulnerable to burglars, to a new one with more security. "The move was quite hard on her, and she might feel that I pushed her into it," he says. "Ultimately, I am left with that responsibility."

In the future, more and more only children will likely face similar choices. There are no signs that the falling birthrate will reverse itself any time soon. With working mothers increasingly the norm, many families are finding they simply don't have the time, money or energy to have more than one child. "We know that many young women, before they enter a long-term relationship or get married, think of having more than one child one day," says German psychologist Hartmut Kasten, who wrote the book "Only Children: Raised Without Siblings." "But then, along the way, they come to realize that more than one child is hard to manage unless they cut down on their career ambitions tremendously." In Italy, a recent survey in the popular semifeminist magazine Noi Donne found that 52 percent of women between 16 and 24 had already decided they did not want any children, most often citing "interference with career" as their reason.

To be sure, Italy could do more to promote procreation. Maternity benefits may be generous, but rather than entice women to have more children, they actually deter employers from hiring childless women. According to CENSIS, an Italian agency that analyzes trends, women who have one child tend to climb the corporate ladder much faster than those who haven't had children yet--suggesting that women are rewarded for having small families. Italy offers no state-supported child care, and day-care facilities are rare. Grandparents, in fact, are expected to provide child care. Mostly, they do so with love and enthusiasm. And if Maria Ceccani is any example, with a sharp eye out to making sure their only grandkids know how to share their toys.

WITH BARBIE NADEAU IN ROME, MAC MARGOLIS IN RIO, ANNA KUCHMENT IN NEW YORK, KAY ITOI AND DEBBIE HODGSON IN TOKYO, ANTONIA FRANCIS IN PARIS, LEILA MOSELEY IN LONDON, MELINDA LIU IN BEIJING, IAN MACKINNON IN NEW DELHI AND KATHARINA WIEDEMANN IN BERLIN

© 2001