Thanks, Jamie Lynn

It's the pregnancy part that makes me crazy. As a good feminist, I believe that the opportunities in front of my bright, innocent daughter are limitless. She is growing up in a world where girls have ready access to organized sports, safe contraception and Ivy League colleges. Where more than half of all bachelor's degrees awarded go to women and where a woman is a credible candidate for U.S. president.

The idea that my child could throw all that away by becoming a mother at 16 makes my blood run cold. Maybe that's because when I was growing up in Minnesota, one of my greatest fears was ending up pregnant in snowmobile boots in some rundown house in Osseo, Minn., with cars up on blocks in my driveway. One false step, I remember thinking, and that's going to be my life: cold, hard and small. What if when I was telling my daughter that she could be anything, she was hearing that she could do anything she wanted when she was only 16. What if my daughter decides that the most outrageous teenage rebellion for a private-school girl in hipster Brooklyn is to become a teenage mother. That would kill me.

But then it really isn't about me, is it? I am projecting my own fears onto my child, whose circumstances and concerns are far different from mine. It's something well-meaning parents often do, according to Dr. Wendy Mogel, a psychologist in L.A. and author of "Blessing of a Skinned Knee." We do it out of love, she assures me. Still, she suggests it might not be the best strategy. We don't want to pass our fears onto our children. The challenges my daughter faces may have more to do with the pressure to be skinny and popular and athletic and take AP physics courses and get into a great college. "Of course you don't want your daughter to get pregnant, but it's ok for her to have a few secrets and lies—and to have a little fun,"  Mogel says. "I worry about the girls that are too good."

So I vow not to bring the subject up with my daughter, and if she brings it up with me I will try to find out what she thinks about it. I will try not to be harsh or judgmental about Ms. Spears, because I want my daughter to feel like she can talk to me about anything. I will use the opportunity to discuss with her the difference between an actor, a real person and the roles they play. I will talk to her about what happens when you're so famous. I will tell her that it's really hard for parents to watch over celebrity kids. That when kids are really famous they're often allowed to act like someone much older than they are and it becomes very hard for their parents to protect them. And I won't bring up Osseo, Minn. Or at least I'll try not to.

© 2007