BY THE NUMBERS

Six Ways to Avoid Holiday Booze Blunders

'Tis the season for uncomfortable moments if you don't drink alcohol or are hosting someone who doesn't. Here are our tips on teetotaler etiquette.

By Temma Ehrenfeld | Newsweek Web Exclusive

Dec 20, 2007 | Updated: 11:14 a.m. ET Dec 20, 2007

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Discuss

Posted By: GreatDane @ 12/31/2007 7:50:34 PM

Comment: This is so silly. Gives me some new insight into the apparent rudeness of alcohol consumers! If these kinds of common courtesies need to be spelled out, can someone tell me again why those of us who have never used alcohol have to feel like WE have something to explain? Reminds me of the old "set-up question": Have you stopped beating your wife? The need to publish this article tells alot more about the rudeness of alcohol users than it does about anyone else.
Posted By: vtblaze @ 12/31/2007 1:23:58 PM

Comment: I have to disagree with one suggestion. Inviting someone to a dry new year's eve party is fine, but it shouldn't be a surprise. Some people may enjoy a cocktail of champagne toast, as it is commonly associated with that particular holiday, and may have made different arrangements if they had known they commited to a dry party beforehand.
Posted By: moon_maiden64 @ 12/31/2007 1:42:00 AM

Comment: Thanks for the article! Thanks also for the new web site support address - it's one I didn't have. I'll share it with others! Whether others choose whether or not to drink alcohol - may all have a fun and safe New Years!!
Posted By: moon_maiden64 @ 12/31/2007 1:33:57 AM

Comment: Thank you very much for the support this article offers for those trying to recover from alcoholism and for a new web site I can check out! Cheers to a hangover-free Happy New Year!! Tina M. Olympia, WA
Posted By: dbtmellis @ 12/31/2007 1:09:11 AM

Comment: Offering a Drunk a beer is like offering an obsese person a cheesburger. The easiest soution to t his is the word "No".
Posted By: dbtmellis @ 12/31/2007 1:08:16 AM

Comment: Offering a Drunk a beer is like offering an obsese person a cheesburger. The easiest soution to t his is the word "No".
Posted By: DirtyMartiniGirl @ 12/30/2007 11:25:44 PM

Comment: Wow. Some of you sound really level headed about where you stand on the issue while others are coming off incredibly righteous. For those who think people should "loosen up", you're not in anyone else's shoes so you don't know whether or not they have had issues in the past and/or are still dealing with issues. And those of you who think you're better than others because you are so wonderful and amazing that you can have a good time without drinking, stop being so sanctimonious. None of you are better than anyone else. I have friends who drink lots, who have been in AA, who drink in moderation and others who don't drink at all. We all hang out together and we look out for each other regardless of how much we are or aren't drinking. As for the article, it had some great ideas but I agree that if you're inviting people to a party on New Year's Eve, you may want to be up front about it if you choose not to serve alcohol. Happy New Year to all of you; make it a safe one.
Posted By: geekmun @ 12/30/2007 10:59:16 PM

Comment: I've been a recovering alcoholic for over 20 years. Sometimes sober sometimes dry. But still alcohol free. I have still worked in bars. If I have a problem dealing with intoxicated people I get away from them. My drinking problem is just that: MY PROBLEM. If you want to have a DRY party, then let your guests know. If they want to party with you, not the alcohol, they will still come to your party.
Posted By: Rserp1 @ 12/30/2007 9:07:16 PM

Comment: Why not just say your having an AA party? At least that way guests are not wasting their time and plans if they don't want to go to a dry party. I think it is rude to not tell people this if you want a dry party. Not everyone wants to do the 12 steps on New Years eve.
Posted By: Rserp1 @ 12/30/2007 9:07:15 PM

Comment: Why not just say your having an AA party? At least that way guests are not wasting their time and plans if they don't want to go to a dry party. I think it is rude to not tell people this if you want a dry party. Not everyone wants to do the 12 steps on New Years eve.
Posted By: desertcatz@hotmail.com @ 12/30/2007 9:06:52 PM

Comment: If you do have guests bring their own booze and ask them to take it with them when the leave you are setting them up to violate the law in most states. Most states open container laws include open containers that are being transported in the trunk of a vehicle and can result in arrest and suspension of driver's license if convicted.
Posted By: MeLizzard2 @ 12/30/2007 6:27:21 PM

Comment: I think the article's topic, originally, was something about not being rude to teetotalers. The points are valid, and well-stated, but I can't believe anyone even has to spell this stuff out still. As a longtime nondrinker, I am often kind of annoyed that, in our culture, it's assumed that everyone drinks. A lot. I spent my twenties evading horse's butts at social events whose mission it always was to, um, educate me, or show me "how to have a good time". I was usually already having a good time, but I didn't need chemical stimulation to realize it. Were they jealous? I don't encounter that attitude that I'm defective so much now in my thirties, but people often bring us housewarming "gifts" of spirits, or feel it's their business to know why my husband or I aren't drinking. Maybe they're paranoid that we're judging them, but that's not the case. Unless they're acting like complete drunken a**es, but that's different. So, again, the issue was simply one of respect. Respect the fact that some of us choose not to drink alcohol, and it's not a reflection on anyone who does drink, And it's a much more difficult social decision to ive with, in the casual sense, than following the crowd and pouring down the booze with "everyone" else. Obviously, a person who chooses to drink too much creates altogether different issues, but he or she is almost always more socially respected than the nondrinker. So, respect others' decisions.
Posted By: schnauzermoms @ 12/30/2007 6:20:20 PM

Comment: My husband doesn't drink at all and my father's family is rampant with alcoholism. I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic roommate who didn't think she was an alcoholic becuase it was "just beer" (actually malt liquor) and she liked to "party" to relax. Every night. To inebriation. We just don't keep it in the house for these reasons. When we're out I like to have a single beer or mixed drink once in a blue moon but I prefer to not imbibe. I have no problem if people around me do unless it's to excess, THEN I have a real problem with that. So if you come to my house BYOB, relax, have a good time, and take it home with you because it'll go to waste here!
Posted By: schnauzermoms @ 12/30/2007 6:15:29 PM

Comment: My husband doesn't drink at all and my father's family is full of alcoholism. For this reason we just don't keep it in the house. People who know us accept that. If I want to have a beer or a mixed drink every once in a while when we go out I do but on the whole I prefer not to imbibe. Nor do I have a problem with those who choose to indulge unless they do it to excess or on a regular basis. I had an ex-roommate who drank to inebriation every night but insisted she wasn't an alcoholic because it was "just beer" (malt liquor actually) and she liked to "party" to relax. It was an emotionally abusive relationship. THAT'S what I have a problem with. So if you want to come to my house and have a drink, please bring your own, make yourself comfortable, relax, and have a good time. And take it with you when you leave.
Posted By: Liz99 @ 12/30/2007 6:13:29 PM

Comment: I can't drink because it interferes with my sleep...I have insomnia with even one glass of wine. I have no problem offering this as a reason if someone asks why I'm not drinking but I can understand why some people would find questioning their not drinking to be intrusive. It's really nobody's business but in my case, I like to let people know there are a variety of reasons that people choose not to drink. In my case, if I drink, I'm up awake all night. It's not worth it!
Posted By: drmb50 @ 12/30/2007 5:42:22 PM

Comment: I am a recovering alcoholic. Going to holiday parties can be difficult. But all of us live in a culture that includes drinking alcohol. People that abstain, for whatever reason, need to accept the fact that drinking alcohol will occur and the people that do inherit the right that is their choice to do so. They are no better or worse than anyone else. Everyone should just relax. If you choose to stay sober, that's your choice. If you choose to drink, that's your choice. Hopefully, sober heads will prevail and make sure the people that go overboard with drinking will be taken care of. Everyone should care for everyone but still respect their choices.
Posted By: AZGenX'er @ 12/30/2007 5:30:06 PM

Comment: It's so sad that we have to tell people how to act in situations... I'm assuming these are adults you are referring to when discussing alcohol and parties... shouldn't they know how to act? Much like smoking (when you are an adult) this story is trying to demonize drinking at holiday parties! Loosen up, please!!
Posted By: dmichielo @ 12/30/2007 5:20:20 PM

Comment: This is ridiculous. You have to ask Emily Post and an Internist (MD) what to do in case someone is not drinking at a function? Get a life. I have not had a drink in 27 years and have never had a problem at a party (and I have attended plenty of them) by turning down booze. When they ask, simply say "no thanks"...simple? Exactly! If you are trying to fool the other guests into thinking you are drinking when you are not, you better not go to the party in the first place.
Posted By: guest @ 12/30/2007 4:35:29 PM

Comment: This article is utterly bunk and I don't think the author would know a good time if it danced naked in front of her!
Posted By: SeattleScotty @ 12/30/2007 4:25:52 PM

Comment: Pull your insecure head out of your overtightened hind end. Stop overthinking the holidays.
Posted By: Newin08 @ 12/30/2007 4:02:53 PM

Comment: They could put their (OPENED) booze -
they brought w/ them to the party, but, did not finish and now taking home --
in their TRUNK!!
Posted By: phiomalibumalibu @ 12/30/2007 3:54:53 PM

Comment: I have a subtle way to handle those that over booze at my house. basically when I see they are going to drink to much, I just ask for their keys and usually they don't want to give me their keys, so I give them a card for duidefenseattorney.biz of couse they slip it in there pocket, and what sucks is I have to wait until they are about to leave and then call a taxi. But many times they drive off with too much to drink. It makes me not want to have parties anymore. And the problem is is that I can be liable if they get drunk at my house and something happens, even if they byob.
Posted By: jaraivy @ 12/30/2007 1:40:44 PM

Comment: I just wanted to comment on the 3rd point that is made above about "Be Subtle", mostly the last line, "Post describes teetotaling relatives who invite guests to bring their own liquor???and take it with them when they leave". this could cause trouble as there are laws in some places about driving around with an open container of alcohol. You maybe can get a ticket, or arrested. So before doing this is would be extra careful.

Lora
- Posted By: Newin08 @ 12/30/2007 4:10:47 PM
  
  Comment: If you bring booze to a (B.Y.O.B.) to a party, but, DO NOT FINISH - either leave it w/ the host(ess) or (PUT IT IN YOUR OWN TRUNK- DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
  WAS THAT SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT ????
  IF IT WAS LAY OFF THE BOOZE !
Posted By: jaraivy @ 12/30/2007 1:40:27 PM

Comment: I just wanted to comment on the 3rd point that is made above about "Be Subtle", mostly the last line, "Post describes teetotaling relatives who invite guests to bring their own liquor???and take it with them when they leave". this could cause trouble as there are laws in some places about driving around with an open container of alcohol. You maybe can get a ticket, or arrested. So before doing this is would be extra careful.

Lora
Posted By: Bruce W @ 12/30/2007 1:34:46 PM

Comment: Many AA's talk much about "The Program" and the people that got them sober. I think we would do well to remember what is written in chapter 5, and the three pertinent Ideas( the A B C's ). And may I also suggest , read the long form of tradition 12
Posted By: Bruce W @ 12/30/2007 1:33:55 PM

Comment: Many AA's talk much about "The Program" and the people that got them sober. I think we would do well to remember what is written in chapter 5, and the three pertinent Ideas( the A B C's ). And may I also suggest , read the long form of tradition 12
Posted By: kieran @ 12/30/2007 12:20:16 PM

Comment: I just say I??m the designated driver. That usually ends all questions.

Kieran
Posted By: quadrider46 @ 12/30/2007 11:40:13 AM

Comment: AA is a wonderful program if you think people are being to arrogant at one meeting go to another one,their
are a lot of terriffic caring people in AA I've been sober over 6 years now thanks to AA and the people in it AA it set up to make Alcoholic's take a serious look at themselves and do some soul searching on the reason they're using alcohol for dealing with life issues,there is a saying in AA that if you put as much time and effort into staying sober as you did getting drunk you stand a good chance of staying sober as far as the sucess/failure rate of AA most people who come to AA have tried getting sober "thier way" and it didn't work for them AA was thier last resort it is a terriffic program for those who are willing to work the program and steps fully it has given me my life and freedom back
- Posted By: Mrsclaus @ 07/17/2008 10:25:33 PM
  
  Comment: The easiest way to say no to a drink is just simply, NO ThankYou. If they dont like that answer thats their problem not yours. You stand your ground and be proud of your answer. Too bad what others think. People are always going to think what they want anyway, so why bother worrying about it. All you have to do is just be the best you that you can be and to hell with the rest!
- Posted By: jackle1 @ 12/30/2007 7:24:07 PM
  
  Comment: Sorry for butting in here quadrider. I have nothing bad to say about your post, or the posts of anyone else. I just was wondering when this turned into a debate of pro's and con's of AA, MM? I thought it was supposed to be about how to make people feel comfortable or not uncomfortable at a get together that is serving alcohol. I haven't had a drink for 6yrs because I'm on a liver transplant list. I just tell them I'd gladly have a drink with them after they give me a check for $500,000. ( The cost of a liver transplant)
Posted By: cormac @ 12/30/2007 10:49:54 AM

Comment: Getting sober and remaining so has been the most rewarding experience of my life. After years of turmoil, hatred, anxiety, self loathing, starvation etc. I finally got "ME" back and you know what, I like me and so do my family and friends. I will be forever grateful to AA and all the other people who helped me to achieve this level of serenity and fullfilment in my life. To those people who do not understand AA, it is one of many tools that I have learned to use in my daily battle to stay sober. You could relate it to any aspect of life, the way a carpenter uses many tools to build a book cabinet for example. Recovery and sobriety to all non drinking alcoholics is a daily work in progress but when it works it definately gives you a life beyond your wildest dreams.
- Posted By: stlouislad @ 12/30/2007 11:10:13 AM
  
  Comment: Cormac, what a great way to put it. I totally agree. The reward of "working" for my sobriety is something that I only dreamed of in the past. I would not trade my sobriety for anything in the world. Serenity is somehting that I longed for but never had. AA has given me this and I am grateful to be sober. Have a great day.
Posted By: stlouislad @ 12/30/2007 10:24:22 AM

Comment: To the person who talks about the "dry drunk" drinking is a symptom of alcoholism. A person who simply removes alcohol and does not work to improve themsleves IS a dry drunk. Many alcoholics do not deal with problems properly, they just drunk to suppress feelings and thoughts. (Self Medicating). Facing the problems and learning how to handle situations rationally and admitting when I am wrong is what AA has taught me. Alcoholics hide in their bottle as I did in the past. Too many people don't like or quit AA because it is too hard to deal with life without their bottle. And they take the easy way out and decide to drink. I am glad that I didnt take the easy way out by drinking and kept "the plug in the jug" and faced life by dealing with it not avoiding it. Getting and staying sober is not easy by all means. It has been one of the toughest things in life that I have ever done. But I am glad that I did it and never want to go back to drinking. Drinking is the easy way to hide and suppress feelings and easing the pain. It has been much more rewarding to me to face life on lifes terms and remain sober.
- Posted By: flawedexistence @ 12/30/2007 10:20:27 PM
  
  Comment: My Dad was a 'dry drunk' for the last 20 years of his life. I haven't heard that term used in a long time, and many people don't know what it means when I use it. To be perfectly honest, I would rather have had my Dad as a dry drunk than the alternative (for him, it would have been to continue drinking). Over the years, he mellowed, learned to deal better with stressfull situations, and became my best friend. Without that opportunity, I would never have been able to let go of the anger, pain, and guilt of a childhood spent hiding in closets and wishing him dead. My father died of cancer on December 31, 2002. He was 80 years old. I miss him every day of my life.
  I don't care WHO drinks. I do. My younger sister does. My older sister doesn't. We two who do are acutely aware of the irony of having a great grandfather who was a licensed distiller, given the vast history of alcoholism in our father's family. We have also engaged in many years of therapy and self-examination regarding the reasons for who we are and why we do the things we do. We also monitor one another closely and wouldn't hesitate to intervene in the event of abusive drinking. Our older sister is mired in a pit of self loathing and misery so deep she may never find her way out. Alcohol isn't her drug of choice--emotion is. Just because someone abstains from alcohol doesn't mean they aren't addicted to something equally unhealthy.
Posted By: stlouislad @ 12/30/2007 10:13:41 AM

Comment: I have been in recovery for over 5 years now. AA is the only way that I know that works for long term recovery. Yes, I admit I am an alcoholic, but now I can say I am a recovering alcoholic. It has been mentioned previously about "AA arrogance or Self Righteousness". Those are characteristics of a true alcoholic. If a person is working the program of AA correctly arrogance and Self Righteousness should no longer be and issue. While we are all human beings we all make mistakes from time to time. What we do after we make those mistakes is what truly matters. Do we just go on thinking we are "right" or "superior" to others. AA teaches me to not judge other people because they drink or how they act. AA is a selfish program ONLY in the aspect that I am taught to take care of myself and not try to run or judge other people, whether they are sober or not. AA is about making myself a better person and helping others.
As it has also been stated about AA's failure rate. It is not AA's fault or any other programs fault that a person does not succeeed in sobriety, it lies within the person to succeed. Are they willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I have not gone to parties because I know the primary focus of the party is to get drunk. If being sober is important to the individual, then they are will to go to any length to stay sober. AA does not put a drink or a beer to anyones lips. It is the individual that puts a drink or beer to their lips. It is a decision to drink alcohol, just as they have the decision to stay sober and working the program. AA teaches me to be humble and grateful that I don't have to drink to have a good time.
I am not saying AA is a perfect place because it is not. Nothing in this world is perfect, including me. The person who had a bad experience with AA, is not the only one who has had that problems, we are all human beings and we are all individuals who think and act in different ways. I would suggest that the person who has issues with AA go to other meetings and find one that works for them. Meaning finding people that they get along with.
If a person is a true alcoholic and wishes to stay sober, "why in the world would you go to a party where the main focus is to get drunk?" If people judge you becasue you are not drinking they are not your friends anyway or they may have a problem themselves and a sober person may make them feel uneasy because deep down they know they have a problem. I was taught by AA not to judge anyone drunk, in sobriety, social drinker or one who simply doesnt drink. If people feel uncomfortable because you don't drink it is on them not on you. Do friends who drink stop drinking because you don't drink. I don't think so!
Posted By: Not My Name @ 12/30/2007 8:58:09 AM

Comment: There's also Moderation Management--a sensible alternative to AA. No religious fanaticism, no absolutism, just real support for real efforts to regain a real healthy relationship with alcohol. www.moderation.org.
- Posted By: Bruce W @ 12/30/2007 1:44:26 PM
  
  Comment: Do you remember several years ago , there was a woman that was the Director of such a program, that tried to moderate her drinking . . .
  She got drunk , got beind the wheel , and killed several people
- Posted By: kieran @ 12/30/2007 12:23:36 PM
  
  Comment: Thank you for mentioning MM. A great alternative source for those of us who can??t embrace the self-righteous god-talk of AA.
  
  Kieran
Posted By: Garay @ 12/30/2007 8:26:21 AM

Comment: I can understand why Chuckie feels the way he does about AA. I had a friend who NEEDED to stop drinking. He joined AA. Now, anyone who takes a sip of alcohol is WRONG and he turned into an obnoxious bible thumper. I am glad he stopped drinking, but I want the fun friend I used to know (sans alcohol) back. That is what AA did to him. Maybe its not the norm, and maybe that's why Chuckie feels the way he does. By the way, why is it assumed that EVERYONE that puts the wine, beer, shot glass to their lips is going to wake up hungover on Jan 1st? I will toast the New Year with my husband. I will not wake up hung over or in jail with a DUI to start off the new year. Happy New Year to all.
- Posted By: jackle1 @ 12/30/2007 7:02:29 PM
  
  Comment: Garay, I'm not actually replying to your post, I just needed to cut in line here somewhere. I am just wondering how this Board suddenly turned into an ad for AA, and MM? Do these posts have anything to do with the article or original blog?
- Posted By: telluridenative @ 12/30/2007 2:21:45 PM
  
  Comment: Interesting and true comments by Garay! The most annoying thing that I have encountered with recovering alcoholics is the self-righteousness - all drinking is bad! Not all people who have a glass of wine with dinner ( or forgive me...two) are alcoholics nor are they evil - and yes - it is possible to drink and offer drinks at a New Year's Eve party with responsible adults who will not end the night with a DUi. It is not the plight of AA graduates to dissuade all from drinking - just as would I never push drinks on anyone. We all have our obstacles in life - drinking may not be one of them.
Posted By: Garay @ 12/30/2007 8:20:35 AM

Comment: I can see why Chuckie feels that way. Had a friend who joined AA. He NEEDED
Posted By: Garay @ 12/30/2007 8:20:28 AM

Comment: I can see why Chuckie feels that way. Had a friend who joined AA. He NEEDED
Posted By: gkviking @ 12/30/2007 8:07:49 AM

Comment: chuckie, I hope you dont look at the many blessing in the world the way u look at AA, If u dont agree dont go....sounds like your misery has already been refunded.....AA arrogance as you call it has never caused me to lose my family, job or caused me to get another dwi .
Posted By: gkviking @ 12/30/2007 8:04:10 AM

Comment: chuckie, if u feel AA is full of arrogance and self rightousness then u have not been to the same meeting i have been and as far as a phenomenal failure rate.......its true MANY people dont recover but not because of the program but because they DONT WANT TO I will as you say trade my addiction of alcahol to one of my group EVERY SINGLE DAY because in five years theat group has never helped waste my work check, miss an appointment,cheat on my wife ,threaten others lives while driving drunk or caused me the endless days of guilt and remorse i had while drinking,,,,,,,ty
Posted By: thinkingofwon @ 12/30/2007 4:13:46 AM

Comment: There seems to be an echo in here. I hope you all can get a grip on yourselves befor the New Year party starts. And remember, not to many of you in the same room at one time, don't take yourself too serious and above all, try and play nice.
Posted By: bob in mich. @ 12/30/2007 3:59:51 AM

Comment: obviously CHUCKIE is an alcoholic and hasnt faced it yet or he would now the true facts on AAs sucess rates.when u hit bottom chuckie,even you will be welcome to aa. bob h
Posted By: chuckiegreen @ 12/29/2007 1:51:56 AM

Comment: I am so tired of AA arrogance and self rightousness . Anyone who is sober and who has not subjugated themselves to the archaic, moralistic authoritarian system of "recovery" is going to be offensive to those engaged in the fanatacism of AA and NA. . The term dry drunk is applied by your cult to anyone who has become sober and does not adhere to the tenants of yourr perceptual model. Your phenomenally low sucess rates at maintaining your sobriety is indicative of what a poor fit your paradigm is for most people. You have traded your addiction to substance to addiction to a group dynamic. Until you are able to face this amoral world by yourself, on your own without the use of substance or thedependancy on a group of other ex-users you will remain addicts.
Posted By: Cavedweller @ 12/28/2007 12:38:39 PM

Comment: I totally follow and agree with Drewhand there. I come from a family of origin where some members used booze to the detriment to others of us. There is such a thing as a dry drunk. The person who realised that the negative behaviors were causing trouble---but only stopped drinking. Even sober that sort of individual continues to be an ass to everyone. I hope everyone sees the way to acknowlege their own behaviors and become part of the solution not add to problems.
Posted By: drewhandrewhan @ 12/28/2007 1:21:58 AM

Comment: chuckie all I said is that if you are putting yourself in a sticky situation then yes it is your fault. You seem smart enough to understand that. I mentioned nothing about genetics in my post so you took this completely out of context.

Genetics NOT YOUR FAULT
Being a dumbass YOUR FAULT recovery or no recovery

and not once did I mention AA you did. I said meetings. But since you mention it you hit it on the head.
"paths to sobriety" or "path to recovery"

Recovery=changing thoughts actions and behaviors, helping others, selflessness, admitting and realizing the problem is yourself even if it is genetic.

Sobriety=exibiting the same old thoughts actions and behaviors as your were when tearing it up on drug/alcohol just not drinking.

And if you were truly an alcoholic of any caliber functional or non functional your thoughts actions and behaviors were grave to yourself and everyone you came into contact with on one level or another.

Point being big difference between "sobriety" and recovery.

Call it what you will but pointing out that a simple choice on who you surround yourself with demonstrating extremely selfish emotion is hardly accusatory.

I have no idea what your talking about with that practicality thing and society but please don't explain it. Or the primary effect thing either. And if my grammar is bad and you point that out my panties will not get bunched up.
Posted By: chuckiegreen @ 12/28/2007 12:42:24 AM

Comment: . In my case it was my family 's drinking that was the root source of my addiction . I have been sober thirteen years have done so by the simple realization that I cannot ( and now do not want to ) ever drink again. It is wise to avoid events where alcohol is served. You are still being accusative and need to get over your self. Though practicality deems that alcohol remain legal, alcohols primary effect in society is harmful.There are many other paths to soberiety than the rigid authoritarianism of AA. Please have the the courtesy to not be judgemental of the feeling of others or set yourself up as judge of what is and what is not anothers fault.
Posted By: drewhandrewhan @ 12/27/2007 9:11:28 PM

Comment: I am a recovering alcoholic, go to meetings daily and partake in family functions that serve alcohol. Not a big deal. I don't look at the booze as bad or good it just is. It is family being together enjoying one anothers company on the holidays However, I do avoid occasions where I cant add to the situation such going bar hopping with the boys etc.

Reading through others posts it is too bad everyone gets so worked up about this and gets personal.

Yes drinking has been around for centuries but so has not drinking.

So keep drinking or keep not drinking if your alchohlic and dont drink but your panties get in a bunch because poeple are not keeping your feelings in consideration you are either in the wrong place or you have a lot of work to do on your recovery. Hate to say it but both are YOUR DAMN FAULT.
Posted By: chuckiegreen @ 12/27/2007 7:26:36 PM

Comment: I am a nondrinking alcoholic. While I almost always avoid situations where alcohol is served, if I find myself in a situation where alcohol is served I use this simple and direct answer: " I do not drink alcohol." It is nonjudgemental and gets my point across permanently without resorting to evasion or divulging overly personal information.
Posted By: aceturner82 @ 12/27/2007 6:18:02 PM

Comment: I don't understand why this is even an issue to be discussed.

I am a non-drinker. When I'm going to a party that I know will be littered with nothing but alcohol I simply bring my own drinks or simply ask for water (what a novel concept!)

Some of us simply don't enjoy the taste and/or the feeling of being buzzed or drunk. If you don't like at least one of those things you may as well not drink.

I understand that some folks have no idea how to go about a social situation without alcohol flowing freely, but those of us who can don't feel discriminated against for our non-drinking ways.

Besides, in my house there is always a desiginated driver. I just happen to be it.
Posted By: aceturner82 @ 12/27/2007 6:14:59 PM

Comment: I don't really understand why social drinking is such a hot topic.

I'm a non-drinker, (not because of alcoholism or a troubled past I just don't like the feeling of being drunk and don't enjoy the taste of alcohol. I decided long ago if you don't like at least one of those things you may as well not drink) and I never get any grief about it. It's not such a big deal. If I know there is going to be nothing but cocktails or wine I simply bring my own drink or just drink water (what a novel concept!).

This doesn't have to be a huge issue. I understand that most people have no idea of how to go about being social without a buzz, but it isn't the case for all of us and we function just fine at parties where there is drinking.
Posted By: point blank @ 12/27/2007 1:58:56 PM

Comment: Sounds like Mechiefcat has had a few drinks already today.. Don't drink in post..
Posted By: baconater @ 12/27/2007 1:38:42 PM

Comment: Happy Dave,
Human beings of all cultures have been consuming alcohol in social settings for centuries, and I don't see that ending anytime soon. And you pretty much answered your own question. Let me move some punctuation around:
"Why would any rational human being subject fellow-humans to a drink that becoulds and perverts the higher centers of the brain? In the name of having a good time." Exactly.

As for your second question, you pretty much answered your own question again. Let me just move some punctuation around:
"Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol? To enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction." Exactly.

And your third question, well, any host that doesn't respect someones wishes not to drink is just a jerk. Not going to argue that one with you.
Posted By: mechiefcat @ 12/27/2007 1:38:09 PM

Comment: "Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol---a mind altering drug---to enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction?"

Yes, we just invented alchol a few weeks ago. I thnk Al Gore invented it, after he was done with inventing the internet and global warming.

HUGE NEWS FLASH FOR YOU...People have been drinking for centuries. If they're doing so reesponsibly, then you need to shut your dry pie-hole and let them.
Posted By: mechiefcat @ 12/27/2007 1:35:58 PM

Comment: "Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol---a mind altering drug---to enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction?"

I KNOW this will come as a HUGE shock to YOU, but people have been drinking for centuries, so don't make it a "modern" issue. Also, if people want to drink responsibly, they should be allowed to do so without putting up with though-police inforcers such as yourself. You don't like to drink? Great. Then don't. If you don't like it when others drink, build a bridge and get over it.
Posted By: point blank @ 12/27/2007 1:32:47 PM

Comment: People by in large love to drink. Many people say they don't drink until they find out it's free. Most people use it to bring out their alter ego. Oh' yeah there are some who only have one or two drinks and don't get on my nerves but most drinkers don't care. Then they look at me (who has not had a drink in 14 years!) like there is something wrong with me. Booze can turn a nice time into a nightmare. It will never go away. Sorry to say.
Posted By: jfrost52 @ 12/27/2007 10:56:02 AM

Comment: why don't you just get some some friends and stop calling them a suppport group you ***?
i need some help! oh i need a cruch! it's not my fault! stand on your own two feet ! stop crying
Posted By: Happy Dave @ 12/24/2007 1:14:42 AM

Comment: Someday, civilized folk will look back at this time with dumb amazement. Why would any rational human being, in the name of having a good time, subject fellow-humans to a drink that becoulds and perverts the higher centers of the brain?

Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol---a mind altering drug---to enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction?

And why would a host EVER provide a setting that would literally attack those who have struggled for years with alcohol and maybe are just recovering?

How uncaring and primitive we still are!

Happy Dave
- Posted By: flawedexistence @ 12/30/2007 10:42:27 PM
  
  Comment: Happy Dave, you don't sound very happy. I'm sorry to say that what you refer to as; "...an evening of pleasurable social interaction...", is, in many cases a social minefield. Our culture has become progressively more isolated as we've entered the 21st Century, and people have less 'social interaction' than ever! Perhaps in your perfect world, none of us would feel awkward or out of place at a party, but until then, alcohol (in moderation) often allows people the ability to come out of themselves and enjoy the company of a larger number of friends and strangers than usual. Alcohol is toxic in quantity, true. The same can be said of McDonald's french fries. I had a friend in college who 'exercised' herself to death. Even WATER is toxic in too large a quantity. Drink alcohol, don't drink alcohol. Who cares? You decisions are your responsibility and you don't have to defend them to anyone.
- Posted By: emuannie @ 12/27/2007 1:48:01 PM
  
  Comment: It is not primitive and uncivilized for individuals to enjoy a few drinks at holiday festivities. No one provides alcohol to guests in order to be cruel or uncaring. Obesity is a major problem in this country but indivduals who are dieting or have overcome obesity do not expect others to remove unhealthy food from the holiday menu. What happened to personal responsibility in this country?
  
  It is the oversensitivity to everybody's issues that will lead us to be a stifled, over regulated society. A society that Happy Dave would consider "civilized" would likely involve restrictions on a variety of personal decisions. Where we will be forunate enough to have all decisions made for us based on keeping everyone's feelings, addictions, problems, personal convictions etc. from being insulted or corrupted.
  
  People should be conscientious of others and not judge them for turning down a drink. But those of us that do drink in moderation should not be condemned as uncivilized and uncaring. Judge all you want Happy Dave. While you're looking down on me, I am living quite a happy (albeit primitive life). Cheers!
  - Posted By: rrobert3 @ 12/30/2007 10:57:26 PM
    
    Comment: Finally someone got it right. It's called "personal responsibility".
    I happen to have several friends that don't drink. Some of them for control reasons and some of them just because they don't like the taste. They have attended many social functions with me. No one ever asked or thought of asking why they didn't imbibe any more than they would if they declined a cup of coffee. Yes I do have friends that don't drink coffee!
    People today tend to want to blame other circumstances for their actions. No one forces anyone to drink or not to. If you have a problem of control and feel that being around others that are drinking will defeat your will, don't attend. Don't insist that others that can control their urges suffer because you cannot.
    You're right on emuannie. Cheers and Happy New Year!
- Posted By: baconater @ 12/27/2007 1:41:05 PM
  
  Comment: Happy Dave,
  Human beings of all cultures have been consuming alcohol in social settings for centuries, and I don't see that ending anytime soon. And you pretty much answered your own question. Let me move some punctuation around:
  "Why would any rational human being subject fellow-humans to a drink that becoulds and perverts the higher centers of the brain? In the name of having a good time." Exactly.
  
  As for your second question, you pretty much answered your own question again. Let me just move some punctuation around:
  "Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol? To enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction." Exactly.
  
  And your third question, well, any host that doesn't respect someones wishes not to drink is just a jerk. Not going to argue that one with you.
- Posted By: emuannie @ 12/27/2007 1:36:59 PM
  
  Comment: Enjoying alcohol in moderation is not a sign of being uncivilized. In addition, those of us who enjoy drinks during the holidays should not have to give them up because someone else has an alcohol problem. There are huge problems with obesity and those that overcome them do not expect other people to ban unhealthy food from holiday festivities.
  
  Just as over use if frustrating, so is the holier than though perspective of "Happy Dave." Interesting name for someone that needs to lighten up and perhaps pour himself a drink.
- Posted By: emuannie @ 12/27/2007 1:35:37 PM
  
  Comment: Enjoying alcohol in moderation is not a sign of being uncivilized. In addition, those of us who enjoy drinks during the holidays should not have to give them up because someone else has an alcohol problem. There are huge problems with obesity and those that overcome them do not expect other people to ban unhealthy food from holiday festivities.
  
  Just as over use if frustrating, so is the holier than though perspective of "Happy Dave." Interesting name for someone that needs to lighten up and perhaps pour himself a drink.
Posted By: lucyinthesky @ 12/22/2007 6:00:17 PM

Comment: Excellent idea - the alcathon. I'm a member of the online support group mentioned (My Way Out) and have found enormous support there. Many of us, frankly, are uncomfortable with face to face meetings, although a number of us participate in both. I'm happy to see more options now available. Thanks for the helpful tips, especially for those who may overlook the difficulty many of us face during the holidays.
Posted By: Sonic1980 @ 12/22/2007 7:30:39 AM

Comment: Davidebert, you're a god!
Posted By: Davidebert @ 12/20/2007 3:44:25 PM

Comment: Alcoholics Anonymous in most areas furnishes "alcathons" during the Christmas and New Years holidays, usually Christmas Eve and New Years eve, somtimes Christmas dinner as well. In our area, Cape Coral,Florida, there are four clubs which are doing this: round-the-clock AA meetings with free food and companionship for alcoholics. Some AA's will escape tense family situations for a couple of hours just to relax, and then go home and play "mein host" with a bigger smile. Try it in your area. Look up AA in the telephone book. It works!

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