BY THE NUMBERS

Six Ways to Avoid Holiday Booze Blunders

'Tis the season for uncomfortable moments if you don't drink alcohol or are hosting someone who doesn't. Here are our tips on teetotaler etiquette.

By Temma Ehrenfeld | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Dec 20, 2007 | Updated: 11:14  a.m. ET Dec 20, 2007

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  • Posted By: quadrider46 @ 12/30/2007 11:40:13 AM

    AA is a wonderful program if you think people are being to arrogant at one meeting go to another one,their
    are a lot of terriffic caring people in AA I've been sober over 6 years now thanks to AA and the people in it AA it set up to make Alcoholic's take a serious look at themselves and do some soul searching on the reason they're using alcohol for dealing with life issues,there is a saying in AA that if you put as much time and effort into staying sober as you did getting drunk you stand a good chance of staying sober as far as the sucess/failure rate of AA most people who come to AA have tried getting sober "thier way" and it didn't work for them AA was thier last resort it is a terriffic program for those who are willing to work the program and steps fully it has given me my life and freedom back

    • Posted By: Mrsclaus @ 07/17/2008 10:25:33 PM

      The easiest way to say no to a drink is just simply, NO ThankYou. If they dont like that answer thats their problem not yours. You stand your ground and be proud of your answer. Too bad what others think. People are always going to think what they want anyway, so why bother worrying about it. All you have to do is just be the best you that you can be and to hell with the rest!

    • Posted By: jackle1 @ 12/30/2007 7:24:07 PM

      Sorry for butting in here quadrider. I have nothing bad to say about your post, or the posts of anyone else. I just was wondering when this turned into a debate of pro's and con's of AA, MM? I thought it was supposed to be about how to make people feel comfortable or not uncomfortable at a get together that is serving alcohol. I haven't had a drink for 6yrs because I'm on a liver transplant list. I just tell them I'd gladly have a drink with them after they give me a check for $500,000. ( The cost of a liver transplant)

  • Posted By: GreatDane @ 12/31/2007 7:50:34 PM

    This is so silly. Gives me some new insight into the apparent rudeness of alcohol consumers! If these kinds of common courtesies need to be spelled out, can someone tell me again why those of us who have never used alcohol have to feel like WE have something to explain? Reminds me of the old "set-up question": Have you stopped beating your wife? The need to publish this article tells alot more about the rudeness of alcohol users than it does about anyone else.

  • Posted By: vtblaze @ 12/31/2007 1:23:58 PM

    I have to disagree with one suggestion. Inviting someone to a dry new year's eve party is fine, but it shouldn't be a surprise. Some people may enjoy a cocktail of champagne toast, as it is commonly associated with that particular holiday, and may have made different arrangements if they had known they commited to a dry party beforehand.

  • Posted By: moon_maiden64 @ 12/31/2007 1:42:00 AM

    Thanks for the article! Thanks also for the new web site support address - it's one I didn't have. I'll share it with others! Whether others choose whether or not to drink alcohol - may all have a fun and safe New Years!!

  • Posted By: moon_maiden64 @ 12/31/2007 1:33:57 AM

    Thank you very much for the support this article offers for those trying to recover from alcoholism and for a new web site I can check out! Cheers to a hangover-free Happy New Year!! Tina M. Olympia, WA

  • Posted By: dbtmellis @ 12/31/2007 1:09:11 AM

    Offering a Drunk a beer is like offering an obsese person a cheesburger. The easiest soution to t his is the word "No".

  • Posted By: dbtmellis @ 12/31/2007 1:08:16 AM

    Offering a Drunk a beer is like offering an obsese person a cheesburger. The easiest soution to t his is the word "No".

  • Posted By: DirtyMartiniGirl @ 12/30/2007 11:25:44 PM

    Wow. Some of you sound really level headed about where you stand on the issue while others are coming off incredibly righteous. For those who think people should "loosen up", you're not in anyone else's shoes so you don't know whether or not they have had issues in the past and/or are still dealing with issues. And those of you who think you're better than others because you are so wonderful and amazing that you can have a good time without drinking, stop being so sanctimonious. None of you are better than anyone else. I have friends who drink lots, who have been in AA, who drink in moderation and others who don't drink at all. We all hang out together and we look out for each other regardless of how much we are or aren't drinking. As for the article, it had some great ideas but I agree that if you're inviting people to a party on New Year's Eve, you may want to be up front about it if you choose not to serve alcohol. Happy New Year to all of you; make it a safe one.

  • Posted By: geekmun @ 12/30/2007 10:59:16 PM

    I've been a recovering alcoholic for over 20 years. Sometimes sober sometimes dry. But still alcohol free. I have still worked in bars. If I have a problem dealing with intoxicated people I get away from them. My drinking problem is just that: MY PROBLEM. If you want to have a DRY party, then let your guests know. If they want to party with you, not the alcohol, they will still come to your party.

  • Posted By: Happy Dave @ 12/24/2007 1:14:42 AM

    Someday, civilized folk will look back at this time with dumb amazement. Why would any rational human being, in the name of having a good time, subject fellow-humans to a drink that becoulds and perverts the higher centers of the brain?

    Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol---a mind altering drug---to enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction?

    And why would a host EVER provide a setting that would literally attack those who have struggled for years with alcohol and maybe are just recovering?

    How uncaring and primitive we still are!

    Happy Dave

    • Posted By: emuannie @ 12/27/2007 1:48:01 PM

      It is not primitive and uncivilized for individuals to enjoy a few drinks at holiday festivities. No one provides alcohol to guests in order to be cruel or uncaring. Obesity is a major problem in this country but indivduals who are dieting or have overcome obesity do not expect others to remove unhealthy food from the holiday menu. What happened to personal responsibility in this country?

      It is the oversensitivity to everybody's issues that will lead us to be a stifled, over regulated society. A society that Happy Dave would consider "civilized" would likely involve restrictions on a variety of personal decisions. Where we will be forunate enough to have all decisions made for us based on keeping everyone's feelings, addictions, problems, personal convictions etc. from being insulted or corrupted.

      People should be conscientious of others and not judge them for turning down a drink. But those of us that do drink in moderation should not be condemned as uncivilized and uncaring. Judge all you want Happy Dave. While you're looking down on me, I am living quite a happy (albeit primitive life). Cheers!

      • Posted By: rrobert3 @ 12/30/2007 10:57:26 PM

        Finally someone got it right. It's called "personal responsibility".
        I happen to have several friends that don't drink. Some of them for control reasons and some of them just because they don't like the taste. They have attended many social functions with me. No one ever asked or thought of asking why they didn't imbibe any more than they would if they declined a cup of coffee. Yes I do have friends that don't drink coffee!
        People today tend to want to blame other circumstances for their actions. No one forces anyone to drink or not to. If you have a problem of control and feel that being around others that are drinking will defeat your will, don't attend. Don't insist that others that can control their urges suffer because you cannot.
        You're right on emuannie. Cheers and Happy New Year!

    • Posted By: flawedexistence @ 12/30/2007 10:42:27 PM

      Happy Dave, you don't sound very happy. I'm sorry to say that what you refer to as; "...an evening of pleasurable social interaction...", is, in many cases a social minefield. Our culture has become progressively more isolated as we've entered the 21st Century, and people have less 'social interaction' than ever! Perhaps in your perfect world, none of us would feel awkward or out of place at a party, but until then, alcohol (in moderation) often allows people the ability to come out of themselves and enjoy the company of a larger number of friends and strangers than usual. Alcohol is toxic in quantity, true. The same can be said of McDonald's french fries. I had a friend in college who 'exercised' herself to death. Even WATER is toxic in too large a quantity. Drink alcohol, don't drink alcohol. Who cares? You decisions are your responsibility and you don't have to defend them to anyone.

    • Posted By: baconater @ 12/27/2007 1:41:05 PM

      Happy Dave,
      Human beings of all cultures have been consuming alcohol in social settings for centuries, and I don't see that ending anytime soon. And you pretty much answered your own question. Let me move some punctuation around:
      "Why would any rational human being subject fellow-humans to a drink that becoulds and perverts the higher centers of the brain? In the name of having a good time." Exactly.

      As for your second question, you pretty much answered your own question again. Let me just move some punctuation around:
      "Why do we "moderns" actually believe that one would ever need alcohol? To enhance an evening of pleasurable social interaction." Exactly.

      And your third question, well, any host that doesn't respect someones wishes not to drink is just a jerk. Not going to argue that one with you.

    • Posted By: emuannie @ 12/27/2007 1:36:59 PM

      Enjoying alcohol in moderation is not a sign of being uncivilized. In addition, those of us who enjoy drinks during the holidays should not have to give them up because someone else has an alcohol problem. There are huge problems with obesity and those that overcome them do not expect other people to ban unhealthy food from holiday festivities.

      Just as over use if frustrating, so is the holier than though perspective of "Happy Dave." Interesting name for someone that needs to lighten up and perhaps pour himself a drink.

    • Posted By: emuannie @ 12/27/2007 1:35:37 PM

      Enjoying alcohol in moderation is not a sign of being uncivilized. In addition, those of us who enjoy drinks during the holidays should not have to give them up because someone else has an alcohol problem. There are huge problems with obesity and those that overcome them do not expect other people to ban unhealthy food from holiday festivities.

      Just as over use if frustrating, so is the holier than though perspective of "Happy Dave." Interesting name for someone that needs to lighten up and perhaps pour himself a drink.

  • Posted By: stlouislad @ 12/30/2007 10:24:22 AM

    To the person who talks about the "dry drunk" drinking is a symptom of alcoholism. A person who simply removes alcohol and does not work to improve themsleves IS a dry drunk. Many alcoholics do not deal with problems properly, they just drunk to suppress feelings and thoughts. (Self Medicating). Facing the problems and learning how to handle situations rationally and admitting when I am wrong is what AA has taught me. Alcoholics hide in their bottle as I did in the past. Too many people don't like or quit AA because it is too hard to deal with life without their bottle. And they take the easy way out and decide to drink. I am glad that I didnt take the easy way out by drinking and kept "the plug in the jug" and faced life by dealing with it not avoiding it. Getting and staying sober is not easy by all means. It has been one of the toughest things in life that I have ever done. But I am glad that I did it and never want to go back to drinking. Drinking is the easy way to hide and suppress feelings and easing the pain. It has been much more rewarding to me to face life on lifes terms and remain sober.

    • Posted By: flawedexistence @ 12/30/2007 10:20:27 PM

      My Dad was a 'dry drunk' for the last 20 years of his life. I haven't heard that term used in a long time, and many people don't know what it means when I use it. To be perfectly honest, I would rather have had my Dad as a dry drunk than the alternative (for him, it would have been to continue drinking). Over the years, he mellowed, learned to deal better with stressfull situations, and became my best friend. Without that opportunity, I would never have been able to let go of the anger, pain, and guilt of a childhood spent hiding in closets and wishing him dead. My father died of cancer on December 31, 2002. He was 80 years old. I miss him every day of my life.
      I don't care WHO drinks. I do. My younger sister does. My older sister doesn't. We two who do are acutely aware of the irony of having a great grandfather who was a licensed distiller, given the vast history of alcoholism in our father's family. We have also engaged in many years of therapy and self-examination regarding the reasons for who we are and why we do the things we do. We also monitor one another closely and wouldn't hesitate to intervene in the event of abusive drinking. Our older sister is mired in a pit of self loathing and misery so deep she may never find her way out. Alcohol isn't her drug of choice--emotion is. Just because someone abstains from alcohol doesn't mean they aren't addicted to something equally unhealthy.

  • Posted By: Rserp1 @ 12/30/2007 9:07:16 PM

    Why not just say your having an AA party? At least that way guests are not wasting their time and plans if they don't want to go to a dry party. I think it is rude to not tell people this if you want a dry party. Not everyone wants to do the 12 steps on New Years eve.

  • Posted By: Rserp1 @ 12/30/2007 9:07:15 PM

    Why not just say your having an AA party? At least that way guests are not wasting their time and plans if they don't want to go to a dry party. I think it is rude to not tell people this if you want a dry party. Not everyone wants to do the 12 steps on New Years eve.

  • Posted By: desertcatz@hotmail.com @ 12/30/2007 9:06:52 PM

    If you do have guests bring their own booze and ask them to take it with them when the leave you are setting them up to violate the law in most states. Most states open container laws include open containers that are being transported in the trunk of a vehicle and can result in arrest and suspension of driver's license if convicted.

  • Posted By: Garay @ 12/30/2007 8:26:21 AM

    I can understand why Chuckie feels the way he does about AA. I had a friend who NEEDED to stop drinking. He joined AA. Now, anyone who takes a sip of alcohol is WRONG and he turned into an obnoxious bible thumper. I am glad he stopped drinking, but I want the fun friend I used to know (sans alcohol) back. That is what AA did to him. Maybe its not the norm, and maybe that's why Chuckie feels the way he does. By the way, why is it assumed that EVERYONE that puts the wine, beer, shot glass to their lips is going to wake up hungover on Jan 1st? I will toast the New Year with my husband. I will not wake up hung over or in jail with a DUI to start off the new year. Happy New Year to all.

    • Posted By: jackle1 @ 12/30/2007 7:02:29 PM

      Garay, I'm not actually replying to your post, I just needed to cut in line here somewhere. I am just wondering how this Board suddenly turned into an ad for AA, and MM? Do these posts have anything to do with the article or original blog?

    • Posted By: telluridenative @ 12/30/2007 2:21:45 PM

      Interesting and true comments by Garay! The most annoying thing that I have encountered with recovering alcoholics is the self-righteousness - all drinking is bad! Not all people who have a glass of wine with dinner ( or forgive me...two) are alcoholics nor are they evil - and yes - it is possible to drink and offer drinks at a New Year's Eve party with responsible adults who will not end the night with a DUi. It is not the plight of AA graduates to dissuade all from drinking - just as would I never push drinks on anyone. We all have our obstacles in life - drinking may not be one of them.

  • Posted By: MeLizzard2 @ 12/30/2007 6:27:21 PM

    I think the article's topic, originally, was something about not being rude to teetotalers. The points are valid, and well-stated, but I can't believe anyone even has to spell this stuff out still. As a longtime nondrinker, I am often kind of annoyed that, in our culture, it's assumed that everyone drinks. A lot. I spent my twenties evading horse's butts at social events whose mission it always was to, um, educate me, or show me "how to have a good time". I was usually already having a good time, but I didn't need chemical stimulation to realize it. Were they jealous? I don't encounter that attitude that I'm defective so much now in my thirties, but people often bring us housewarming "gifts" of spirits, or feel it's their business to know why my husband or I aren't drinking. Maybe they're paranoid that we're judging them, but that's not the case. Unless they're acting like complete drunken a**es, but that's different. So, again, the issue was simply one of respect. Respect the fact that some of us choose not to drink alcohol, and it's not a reflection on anyone who does drink, And it's a much more difficult social decision to ive with, in the casual sense, than following the crowd and pouring down the booze with "everyone" else. Obviously, a person who chooses to drink too much creates altogether different issues, but he or she is almost always more socially respected than the nondrinker. So, respect others' decisions.

  • Posted By: schnauzermoms @ 12/30/2007 6:20:20 PM

    My husband doesn't drink at all and my father's family is rampant with alcoholism. I was also in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic roommate who didn't think she was an alcoholic becuase it was "just beer" (actually malt liquor) and she liked to "party" to relax. Every night. To inebriation. We just don't keep it in the house for these reasons. When we're out I like to have a single beer or mixed drink once in a blue moon but I prefer to not imbibe. I have no problem if people around me do unless it's to excess, THEN I have a real problem with that. So if you come to my house BYOB, relax, have a good time, and take it home with you because it'll go to waste here!

  • Posted By: schnauzermoms @ 12/30/2007 6:15:29 PM

    My husband doesn't drink at all and my father's family is full of alcoholism. For this reason we just don't keep it in the house. People who know us accept that. If I want to have a beer or a mixed drink every once in a while when we go out I do but on the whole I prefer not to imbibe. Nor do I have a problem with those who choose to indulge unless they do it to excess or on a regular basis. I had an ex-roommate who drank to inebriation every night but insisted she wasn't an alcoholic because it was "just beer" (malt liquor actually) and she liked to "party" to relax. It was an emotionally abusive relationship. THAT'S what I have a problem with. So if you want to come to my house and have a drink, please bring your own, make yourself comfortable, relax, and have a good time. And take it with you when you leave.

  • Posted By: Liz99 @ 12/30/2007 6:13:29 PM

    I can't drink because it interferes with my sleep...I have insomnia with even one glass of wine. I have no problem offering this as a reason if someone asks why I'm not drinking but I can understand why some people would find questioning their not drinking to be intrusive. It's really nobody's business but in my case, I like to let people know there are a variety of reasons that people choose not to drink. In my case, if I drink, I'm up awake all night. It's not worth it!

  • Posted By: drmb50 @ 12/30/2007 5:42:22 PM

    I am a recovering alcoholic. Going to holiday parties can be difficult. But all of us live in a culture that includes drinking alcohol. People that abstain, for whatever reason, need to accept the fact that drinking alcohol will occur and the people that do inherit the right that is their choice to do so. They are no better or worse than anyone else. Everyone should just relax. If you choose to stay sober, that's your choice. If you choose to drink, that's your choice. Hopefully, sober heads will prevail and make sure the people that go overboard with drinking will be taken care of. Everyone should care for everyone but still respect their choices.

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