Emotional Castaways

Years ago popular culture made being lonely okay. There were songs like "Eleanor Rigby" by the Beatles and movies like "Jeremiah Johnson" with Robert Redford. Nowadays being lonely is a social handicap. People who confess to being lonely for whatever reason are shunned and society often makes them feel like flawed nonconformists. Loneliness is still a fact of life for everybody at sometime during their lives. Truth is, I'd rather be alone than trapped in a place with sociable, nasty idiots. Aloneness can be a refuge and a luxury to be savored.

william demuth needs to judge those people around him who 'aspire to engage in friendship' so he can reject them - he needs to feel better than those people and superior to them because he has very weak self-esteem. this compulsion causes him to be arrogant.

thus william demuth can feel comfort about being so alone; he's really a very lonely, sad person. one day when is he old, or becomes sick and fragile, william demuth will discover that we all need the company and the kindness of friends, and that it is far more important to have friends in our lives than to judge those interested in friendship negatively.

he is a man who is too cowardly to face himself and his own pretentious stance - he prefers to see others as flawed, and be suspicious that they might take more than they can give, because he takes himself so seriously that he must put himself on a pedestal - above and better than others who represent a humanity he himself belongs to. william demuth dislikes himself so much that he must compensate for that by heading so far the other way that he can tell himself he is way too important and wonderful to mix with others.

is anyone really so important and significant that they can afford to be 'annoyed' by those who desire to be a friend? perhaps william demuth is in fact sending signals that set up and draw in the same people who seek his friendship (who more interested in being truly alive) so he can then reject them over and over again. if he really dislikes humanity as much as he states he does then why not disappear for good, survive without people and never write another word again?

why write at all if those he intends to read his opinion are part of the very same humanity he rejects?

I don't understand why loneliness is bad with narcissism and capitalism being the most popular philosophies today.

There's something inherently alarming about either this article, this study, or both. That is, the assumptions it makes about "anthropomorphism." There's more evidence in science casting doubt upon our self-serving and self-congratulatory assumptions about human superiority to animals than there is supporting them. Maybe it's not so strange to befriend a terrier or to "humanize" Old Shep. Perhaps it's more the case that people have to be ridiculously self-absorbed not to notice that animals actually are quite a lot like us, that the difference is much more subtle than we generally -- and quite egotistically -- assume. Maybe some people don't see the similarities simply because they're so busy being social with other humans, and because they share Wray Herbert's apparent value system in which intrahuman relationships are valued more highly than relationships with all the world's creatures. Maybe the people you consider lonely are simply more sensitive or more evolved.

I agree with JoJo and this was a great post. I have bee pushed into a "alone status" by a younger wife that decided to go her own way the moment I retired. So after 5 years of marriage, I sit by myself again. Friends at work are only rarely lasting friends. Once you leave the job, they drift away rapidly. This is sometimes astonishing since you got along well and try to keep in touch. While I really want to meet a woman to have a relationship with, I find my "standards" limit my choices (not over weight, kind, intelligent, no kids under 20). There is also getting over the shock of losing someone that you had planned on enjoying life with. That lost trust is a caution sign for any new relationship. I have family in distant places but I think most men need a personal relationship where at least some women substitute other friendships for that. One good, close personal relationship can make the difference between a satisfying life or an empty one. I will keep trying but holidays are hard times.

21 years 2 full grown boys and a divorce or should i say after i got back from the VA hospital 170 miles away for a week, mom-in-law, sister-in-law moved and made the decision for wife to pack up 21yrs of my life and bail i got home to a completly empty house and 1800 worth of bills on a 700 a month income! I don't yell. hurt or mentaly or phy abuse anyone EVER but here i sit alone cause for 21 years my mother-in-law hated my guts cause i raised her first grandson while she dated the father who was 15 years behind on child support cause he said 150.00 a month was to severe while a Sgt. in the Army so he quit, and quit paying to, but good old mom-in-law took him to dinner and out to lunchs for the whole 21yrs and jumped me for a late bill??? now i sit broken hearted came to die but only farted!!! Happy Holidays! its ok i understand no one wants the disabled... not even the author as his ideas don't support the disabled-vollyball- just to have the ability, only in my dreams.

william demuth needs to work on his spelling

I don't entirely agree with this whole theory. I am an attactive 26 yrs old and I have the ability to be the life of any party. If you someone hangs out with me they will definitely have a good time but I prefer to be alone. How would you consider that? I consider myself someone who is secure with herself enough to enjoy her own company. People need to stop being afraid of being alone, period. Sometimes isolation from others can turn out to be helpful.

I have several problems with this article. First of all, I am a little troubled to hear the author include the belief in a higher power in his list of attitudes that are born from loneliness. Hasn't it practically been proven that human beings are hard-wired to believe in a higher power? Isn't that part of our DNA? Religion is one of our societal institutions. Just like family. Just like education. Common to most religions is the belief in a higher power or in a "supernatural being" as the author puts it. Lonely humans don't believe in God. Human believe in God. As for the inclination for lonely people to attribute human characteristics to animals, I don't believe this is necessarily the case either. Some animals, biologically, have behavior and characteristics that are more appealing to humans. As a result, these animals have become domesticated. Domesticated animals who are cared for by humans have a greater chance at survival and, thus, greater opportunity to pass on their "people-friendly" DNA. Therefore, it should come to no surprise that that some humans, at times, attribute characteristics like "friendly" and "loyal" to their domesticated pets. If the pets did not have these traits, they would probably be fending for themselves, like squirrels and pidgeons. Now this may be a stretch for some, but aren't we headed in the same direction with technology? Computer programs are becoming so sophisticated and society as a whole is becoming so dependent upon them, that it's no wonder that people-- not only lonely people-- would begin to ascribe human characteristics to them as well. This is not necessarily a function of loneliness. It is a function of human evolution which, I happen to believe, was set into motion by God.

I totally agree that people who have family and friends are dehumanizeing to those of us who have only a few people in our lives. I'm not in this postion by chioce. My son and grandson are the only blood relatives I have. Friends have gone there own way drifting more towards family. I have tried to make new friends, but by your forities it seems no women have the need for new friends. Also, women who have daughters have givien birth to their new friends and the rest of us are put aside. I read a few years ago that some people are one friend away from no one; I am there. It is lonely and very hurtful. People may say they care but, actions speak louder than words. I have not and do not pretend that objects are alive or have feelings. I no longer have pets. I contuine to try to make friends and find a mate. I have little hope left for those things. I do the best I can while I wait to die; can't be soon enough.

Wow!
This article really hit home for me. Somehow over the course of several years I've lost touch with close friends and acquaintances for no explainable reason. Lately I have found myself gradually disconnecting from family, friends, and not having a lot of kindness towards humans in general. I have found that I am more compassionate towards animals and children. Especially innocent animals and children who have been neglected or abused in some way. Does anyone know of a site where adults can go to connect with others who are feeling lonely during the holidays?

I can't believe this.......I watched the tom hanks film for the second time last night , and I don't know why...when he was on the raft. .. trying to leave the island for the last time .....I could not help it.....The emotions where there and could not be held back......I cryed whe WILSON drifted away....... I kept asking myself....why am I crying.......could not believe that I too was so attached to that ball that he was .....What a movie ..........I believe I will watch it every year just before Christmas... to put me in perspecitive.......KURT

We can find a way to combat lonliness, if you don't have a family, it's time to get off your butt and get one.Yes it's true modern life is tough. We have a tradition in our family during this time to go and see as many plays and musicals as we can 'as a family' somehow seeing performers perform live on stage brings us a sense of wonder and hope. We usually save up for shows like the lion king, and wicked and the rockettes, and try to get our seats together. We purchase our tickets from www.broadwaysmashes.com so we can sit together and watch the play. I think musicals are a great way to take away the holiday blues. Another thing that helps me and my brothers is the focus on the NCAA championships. We sometimes go to a bowl game , and follow our favorite team for the year, whether it be the trojans or the LSU tigers. This year we got our tickets from face-value-tickets.net for a BCS Bowl game. Anyways there is so much to do to shake the blues.