Emotional Castaways

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  • Posted By: chimmp @ 12/21/2007 8:07:59 PM

    yes i think a lot of sociable people like to manipulate and treat people with disreguard

  • Posted By: cactuschick @ 12/21/2007 8:04:37 PM

    As people get older, they either lose a spouse, siblings and/or friends. They have lost contact with people they were closest to, people who they could confide in, or could communicate and relate with. I invited a brother to live with me because we were both alone. This would not work for everyone, but I am there for him and he is there for me. Better than being lonely.

  • Posted By: who says we are free? @ 12/21/2007 10:29:40 AM

    modern life is extremely dehumanizing and i agree that those blessed with family and community connectedness can easily become callous to the humanity of others who are different. take for example online dating. i understand it is a game with rules that participants agree to play in order to meet certain objectives, but how human is it? the game being played is that a person is rich, successful, attractive, etc., in otherwords, a stereotype and not real. the pressure on being this unreal person is so great that participants may even pretend to have assets (material, educational), that they don't really have. the end result is dehumanization. with distance and anonymity such as is found with online interactions, it is so much easier to forget there is a iiving, breathing, human being at the other end of the mouse with feelings and needs and desires, with afflictions and crosses in their life, with good traits and not-so-good traits, in short--it is easy to forget they are a human being deserving of respect and consideration. the trends to dehumanization in our materialist mass culture are so many and so subtle, it lends us as a society to commiting atrocities against each other even more unnatural than was possible before. one disturbing trend is the clearing of urban areas of all the unsightly poor and homeless...we commit the worst violations against people due to their very vulnerability, which as a society we ought instead to respond to with compassion. that homeless person is a human being. i have talked recently to a homeless drifter who gave me first hand confirmation of my darkest fears of what is going on in this country today...those who make analogies to extremes such as Orwell's 1984, HItler's germany, etc., are not really exaggerating. as for belief, well, people have the beliefs they can afford to have, and belief is nothing unless it is tested. i would like to conduct an experiment and thrust some comfortable affluent americans into a concentration camp and see how long they retain the values they are supposed to live by. some of those lonely, isolated people you talk about are the most real belivers, they have nothing in life, have been shunned, but they still choose to love and to be vulnerable. so ironic that america which is supposed to be founded on freedom and individualism, has ended the most conformist and inhuman society in all of history. food for thought.

  • Posted By: digimommy @ 12/21/2007 7:33:48 PM

    I think a lot of the "socially isolated" are by choice. I think there is a definate mainstream, and many people find it really irritating and mindless. A lot anti-social people are only considered anti-social because the mainstream perceives them that way. I think a lot of antisocials have great social lives with other anti-socials. It's all those damn labels you put on people that brings the positivity down to a nice level of rejection for people you perceive to be different. If anybody is socially inept, it is those who base their perceptions of who people are according to the latest episode of American Idol or the O.C. or whatever.

  • Posted By: Trey1010 @ 12/21/2007 7:25:42 PM

    Thanks for your insight i so agree and can personally relate to you.

  • Posted By: lesli @ 12/21/2007 6:24:23 PM

    I recently befriended a stray cat because my boyfriend has been playing video games. It really helps to have a pet around (my first pet) especially because my boyfriend works nights. Moving to this city was really tough and my family has never cared to keep in touch (except my dad but he works a demanding job and calls every three months). I had felt disappointment with my friends because none of them have bothered to keep in touch (except when they feel they need something). Two of my best friends have shunned me because I was married 9 years ago to an abusive man who isolated me from family and friends. My friends did forgive me but things have just not been the same. I do agree that having a pet helps. My boyfriend can be self centered (he loves video games and remote controlled airplanes, boats, and cars). We moved to a different city and none of my friends keep in touch so I do experience loneliness. I believe that the world does have alot of lonely people and it is many times hard to admit (I know it is hard for me to admit too). I work different shifts at my job now and have found it to be lonely because the women speak nonenglish languages. The men speak english but most of them I cant trust because they try to date me (and are married) or the ones that are single are self centered or jerks. Moving to Vegas was a mistake and I miss California. I have a feeling that the economy is still slow in California so for now I am stuck here. Having a pet does help and I just want to say that pets can be wonderful creatures. My pet recently had three kittens. They were very cute but recently have learned how to poo everywhere. We are giving away one of them. Its funny because I consider myself a fairly friendly person, just been in the wrong relationships. It is hard for me sometimes to admit that I am lonely and I put on a front with my coworkers that everything is fine (most of the time they are speaking a different language anyways except the guys but all they talk about is football!!) Geez. I do like football but must we talk about it 24 hrs! They do gamble those guys.

    • Posted By: Trey1010 @ 12/21/2007 7:22:26 PM

      Thanks for your opinion it really makes sense and i so feel the same

  • Posted By: triumph @ 12/21/2007 7:19:11 PM

    yep, after being married with kids for eight years now, I'd gladly live alone again.

  • Posted By: tucsonintune @ 12/21/2007 7:17:02 PM

    Sounds like Jeffrey Dahmer

  • Posted By: triumph @ 12/21/2007 7:16:36 PM

    wow, you people must have nothing better to do.

  • Posted By: que bon @ 12/21/2007 7:10:13 PM

    "for most of us the greater risk may be treating real flesh-and-blood humans as playthings."
    What? Did anyone else fid that a bit of a jump. The inverse is not wanting to disrupt your comfortable circle with new people but that doesn't mean you equate outsiders with playthings. Did anyone else think that was absurd, or can atleast explain the jump.

  • Posted By: que bon @ 12/21/2007 7:08:32 PM

    "for most of us the greater risk may be treating real flesh-and-blood humans as playthings."
    What?! As playthings, that is a bit of a jump, that inverse is not being wanting to disrupt your comfortable circle but that doesn't mean you equate outsiders as playthings. Did anyone else think that was an absurd statement. OR can you explain the jump?

  • Posted By: fjc01760 @ 12/21/2007 6:59:03 PM

    Monks and other religious live in silence with little interaction so that they may more easily hear God speak to them. Perhaps those who live lives alone are not just subsituting their pets for human interaction but actually are better able to "tune in" to their pets and related on another level.

  • Posted By: alivealivealive @ 12/21/2007 6:51:15 PM

    I just want to thank you for writing this.

  • Posted By: maira15 @ 12/21/2007 6:44:38 PM

    man is a social animal, this is what the world is telling us around. honestly, if we look around, thats the case. nobody wants to be lonely, everyone wants love n attention. We humans crave for it. Our body clock start blinking the time we feel love or pain. We cry, laugh, smile, kiss...........Its difficult to make friends but a process of initiation is required. Nobody has the skill to master emotions and to win people but just imagine, humans are made up of cells, we call them living things..........we are growing with each passing day, we multiply.......we cannot live alone

  • Posted By: MarkLV @ 12/21/2007 6:43:37 PM

    Wow lesli, similar story, same city. Don't make friends easily and the ones I have are long gone too. Funny, when I was back in CA, I would make it a point to help my friends move, paint their houses, loan computer, construction and locksmithing skills, whatever I could do to help. But when it was time for me to need that help in return, there was nobody helping, nobody waving me goodbye. Remodeled interior alone, painted exterior alone, moved to Vegas with no help too. Overall, been battling depression for all of my years; I too try to give a bright face to the world. I see a path, you're walking along it, you go for a spell along a similar path with some other people, but in the long run, you're totally alone. People only care as long as it extends to the limit of "me", besides that, you're on your own. Depression is not something that is in absence, sometimes it really is your situation, accept it.

  • Posted By: mbiggie @ 12/21/2007 6:36:40 PM

    "That is, people who are not lonely, who are secure in their circle of friends and family, may be more likely to dehumanize strangers; they have no motivation to make further connections."

    I have to completely agree with this statement. My entire life I have moved every couple of years and so I've always been "the new girl." Some people won't even bother learning my name. It is very hard to convince people that they need a new friend when they already have all the family and friends they need before you come along.

  • Posted By: mbiggie @ 12/21/2007 6:34:26 PM

    "That is, people who are not lonely, who are secure in their circle of friends and family, may be more likely to dehumanize strangers; they have no motivation to make further connections."

    I have to say that I completely agree with this. I grew up moving around very often and so I've always been the "new girl." It always took time to find friends because no one was looking for a new friend. They had everyone they thought they needed before I came along so it is hard convincing people that you can be a part of their lives as well.

  • Posted By: heartcentered @ 12/21/2007 6:27:09 PM

    Pets, in my opinion dogs, ARE human, better than humans. They give unconditional love and affection, forgive are inherentlly loyal and protective. Many it the time that my BP is soaring or my heart is aching and lying there next to my canine rests and relaxes. There is indeed someting supernatural in the yes of a loyal dog, a spirit that renews even the most cynical of humans.

    Lastly there is a distinct difference between being alone and being lonely. A good book, music,a nap, an old movie, your favorite food can all be fine companions if you are at opeace with yourself in the world. In the alternative, there are a hundred ways to reach out and make a difference to others. It's more than the perspective of looking at your glass at half full; it's practicing gratitude that you have a glass at all!

  • Posted By: lolaray @ 12/21/2007 6:15:42 PM

    What's wrong with loneliness? With capitalism and narcissism being the most popular philosophies today, it's kind of expected.

  • Posted By: anthrogrrl @ 12/21/2007 6:11:47 PM

    To ofthewater: many of the psychology experiments performed on college freshmen in Psych 101 classes as easily-accessible human fodder involve some form of "trickery" -- I myself as an undergrad took what was supposed to be a test of my observational skills, where I was given negative feedback after the first stage of the test to see how it would affect my performance in the second stage. It was really designed to test self-esteem. We also did an exercise in this same 101 class where we answered a number of questions, about everything from shoe size ro favorite color to birthdate, and then a "personality profile" was generated based on the answers. You were then asked to rate if the profile was a lot like you, a little like you, or not like you at all. 80% or so of people who took the test said the profile was "a lot" or "a little" like them, even though every single person got the same profile. It is surprisingly easy to fool people, even or especially college students. Whether a single prediction of these kids' futures genuinely makes them feel more lonely is a completely different question. But this is definitely psychological "research" -- put subjects into a situation, control the variables as best you can, and then test for a particular result. It's not physics, but it's the best those of us in the social sciences can hope for.

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