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HEALTH

She’s Gotta Have It

What happens when a husband's libido lags? Two new books offer advice on a surprisingly common problem.

By Joan Raymond | Newsweek Web Exclusive
Jan 4, 2008 | Updated: 3:33  p.m. ET Jan 4, 2008

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  • Posted By: Alchemist65535 @ 12/01/2008 1:34:32 PM

    Comment: My libido, and testosterone, plummeted when I started on certain medications. In addition I had chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. With the sleep disorders that came along with these things I couldn't stay awake in a darkened room in a horizontial positiion. My sense of touch had changed and normally pleasant touch had become painful. All of this together had a horrendous effect on our sex life. Sixteen years later with changes in medications, vitamins etc, I have recovered in most all ways but my wife is long gone. There can be medical reasons that desire and ability for sex disappear. Sometimes these can be treated. Testosterone supplementation made a big difference for me and helped with the fibromyalgia too.

  • Posted By: bonbon326 @ 11/04/2008 4:23:43 PM

    Comment: how about male menopause and low testirone my husband was found to have it with med he is doing better n so is our sex life

  • Posted By: 4432dc1 @ 11/04/2008 3:14:16 PM

    Comment: I am a very attractive, very sexual person, married to a man who is not into sex.
    After 10 years of cryong, begging, then bringing my self esteem to zero. I realized I had to get my needs met.
    When ny husband and I have sex it is wonderful. But occasionally is not enough, (8 times a year)

    For five years I have had a friend, no one knows, we NEVER socialize. We don't mix love and sex. I love my husband, he fullfills my needs.

    I am against cheating on your spouse. But people cheat for all kinds of reasons and this is out of self preservation

  • Posted By: rengirl @ 09/06/2008 3:15:04 AM

    Comment: I don't agree Dunkinbleak that a guy should step outside his marriage even if it is a (as you put it, a young hot blonde) that would be good for his libido. He should either get things together with his partner, or it he' so determined, get divorced & then go for the adventure.
    Don't get me wrong though, I believe I get it when it comes to what guys want. Yes they want adventure & excitement, even after many many yrs of marriage. So no the sunday kind of love ain't gonna cut it.
    To quote a song "a man wants a lady in the street, & a freak in the bed"!! I believe for most men this is probably true. Problem is, for alot of women being a freak in the bed FREAKS them out!! So just how are a woman & a man supposed to get on the same sex page & hopefully stay on it? Perhaps part of it is just pure luck, some coincidence, maybe a little chemistry, bottom line I think it takes alot of open & honest communication. Even if you think you might be embarrased by what your thoughts or feelings are when it comes to sex, we gotta always be hones to our partner, especially from the beginning. I thilnk what could happen sometimes is that we actually get with the wrong partner for us sexually, even though it's for all the right reasons. The person we fall in love with could very well have all the qualities we are looking for in a long term relationship, but somehow the sex takes a second seat so to speak. We are trying to be at our best, to be kind & considerate to this person, so the idea of bringing up some wild or crazy sexual fantasy might not seem like the right thing to do. Maybe it's subconscious & don't even realize that we are not completely fulfilled (even though we seem to be having good sex) But after time we start to feel like there is something missing. And as that feeling grows it starts to create problems for us. Just a little theory I had, who knows, there maybe many reasons why these sexually disfunctional husbands & wives get to the place where they just don't know what to do anymore. I certainly can't speak for anyone else, but I think it would be a very sad life to through being sexually deprived & frustrated. Help should be seeked at all costs, but if nothing works, I say a couple should call it quits, & who knows maybe they will find exactly what each one needs in other people.

  • Posted By: DunkinBleak @ 09/05/2008 10:54:29 AM

    Comment: This article pre-supposes that monogamy is the natural and good thing. Consider that it might not be. Honestly, for most of these guys with low libido, it's nothing that couldn't be fixed by a young hot blond. The husband wants adventure and excitement, while the wife is providing a "calm, Sunday kind of love". Sure, the husband needs to do his part. But many married women are clueless about what a guy needs.

  • Posted By: stillholdingontohope @ 09/05/2008 8:26:22 AM

    Comment: After being my my husband (dating) for three months, the sex stopped. I couldn't figure it out. And then, thinking it was stress, or trying to build a home, etc as the reason, and it would get better when things "settled down" (does life EVER settle down?) - it never got better. After we'd been married (oh, and by the way, I'm a beautiful woman, 35 and weigh the same now as I did then AND I HAVE a sex drive) and had a baby, I found out the reason he didn't want me; Pornography. Internet, magazines, even resorted to a picture of a vagina in a biology book. It's about selfishness with him. He's addicted to other women's vagina's because they don't ask anything in return. There is no obligation. It's instant gratification, and he doesn't have to talk to her.

    Simple. But VERY complicated.

    As of now, we haven't had sex in six months and he refuses to talk about it saying that "I'm crazy" or that I expect too much.

    Sad. Sad. And more sad. I'm only 35. And this is it?

    p.s. it's a vicious cycle - the addiction to porn - they like the 'high' then they feel bad, so they want to feel 'good' again, and look at porn again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Blah.

    I've always stood firm on the subject of infidelity. It's a deal-breaker. But I sure think that there are a lot of women out there wondering what is going on, and haven't a clue. And they are extremely susceptible to an extra-marital affair.

  • Posted By: 1photographer @ 09/05/2008 1:58:21 AM

    Comment: This article makes a lot of sense. My husband suffers from low libido and I know he isn't cheating. I know where he is 24/7. I thought it was all the stress and worry on his mind that was affecting his get up and go but this article just proved to me that it is a viable reason to be addressed to help his libido. Men who can't get going aren't always cheating. there are more reasons than cheating that can cause low sex drive. Stress, worry, low self confidence, over weight, high blood pressure... the list goes on and on. For someone to just assume that their man is cheating, just because he isn't in the mood, is just stupid and untrusting. If your first thought is he is cheating and you are getting out, just because he isn't preforming for you, then you should get out because you obviously don't love him enough to be together through anything. If your man isn't giving you the workout in the bedroom that you want you need to talk to him first. Don't just assume he is cheating. Im not saying no man cheats but just because he is giving you what you need doesn't mean he is being faithful. My ex-husband was having sex with me nearly everynight and his girlfriend nearly everyday, so low drive doesn't automatically mean cheating. There are a lot more signs to cheating than low drive. Trust your partner first until he proves to be untrustworthy. Try new things, try relieving his worries and stresses, and when all else fails talk to him get inside his head and see what is bothering him before you start accussing him of cheating.

  • Posted By: rengirl @ 09/04/2008 10:59:53 PM

    Comment: OOOPS, Sorry I seemed to have posted 2x without realizing!!!

  • Posted By: rengirl @ 09/04/2008 9:56:50 PM

    Comment: Darla this article as you say might be written & discussed by men. but these comments are from both men & women. Perhaps some of these men are cheating on their wives, I really don't know. But It also possible that they are not cheating, viewing porn or what ever. That they have legit reasons for how they feel, are you forgetting they are people. People I might add, I for one as a woman am very glad for!!!! For all those bad guys out there, you should know how to sort them out, but all the rest are good guys, & are the kind of guys we would like to have in our lives!! There is negative, but lest us not forget the positive!!

  • Posted By: darlabully @ 09/04/2008 9:48:30 PM

    Comment: This article is bull s*(&# !!!!. Written by men, discussed by men, and decided by men, they are just trying to cover up the truth. That these men are cheating on their wives. Either by outside sex, strip clubs or pornography. You're not fooling me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Posted By: rengirl @ 09/04/2008 9:35:07 PM

    Comment: 50 yr old woman here with just my opinion. very interesting discussion is the topic of sex!! seems to get a little like the war between the sexes! at the risk of shooting myself in the foot here, I'm gonna have to agree with alot of the mens comments. They pretty much will tell you if you would only listen. I have read every one of the posts here, & I get it!! Men are people too, not just the sex machines that we as women have been conditioned to believe. They have needs, desires, and lulls just like we do. My belief is that once the symptoms arrive now you think you have a problem. But really you had the problem a very long time ago, you just missed the clues, or quite frankly not paying attention at all to you man. Try to think back when this first started happening, what was going on then? Was there alot of pressure on him to provide for a young growing famliy? Was he trying to be there for you, but tired all the time? Was he suggesting things that made you think he was a pervert, or freak? Did you put alot of demands on him, or shoot him down alot? Think real hard, because perhaps you might be part of the problem, even if you don't want to own it!!
    My experiences have taught me alot about men, & alot of it learning the hard way (no pun intended!) In my younger days when I (at least I thought so) looked pretty dam good, & thought I had IT going on. Only to discover with time & maturity, yeah I looked good & had a good body but that was it!! I was inhibited like alot of young girls are. Wouldn't budge to save my life, & lost quite a few good men that way. Men will usually let you know who they are & what they are about in a very short time of getting to know them. You just have to open enough to hear them. Once you do, so much the better. If open, truly open communication happens from the beginning of a relationship (and it remains open) all things are possible. It is when that door starts to close that problems sneak in without you even realizing it. As I said before, when you have problems with you sex life (or many other aspects of a relationship) it is a symptom, not the root, which is the problem itself. You must get to the root & dig it out if you want to fix it.
    Ok then I'm done, you can bash me now as I expect some of you will!! Ahh but I can take it!!! Good luck to all of you though, for I wish everyone could have as good a sex life as I'm having!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Posted By: rengirl @ 09/04/2008 9:14:56 PM

    Comment: Very interesting discussion here!! I'm a 50 yr old woman who's had her share of ups & downs. One thing I have learned is alot about my own sexuality. In my younger days when I (at least I thought so) looked pretty good & thought I had no inhibitions--- boy was I WRONG!!!! About the inhibitions anyway. At the risk of shooting myself in the foot here, I will have to say I agree with ALOT of what the men are saying.
    Like it or not some of us women have to face the fact that maybe some of the problem is within your power to fix (given some time). Men that will talk with you about the problem have stated over & over again in the discussion, the lack of desire for you comes over periods of time (not just overnight). If for example he told you he wanted to try something new in the bedroom, for example say anal sex & you branded him a pervert or freak, well you just added another brick to the wall your building. Course it doesn't have to even be that extreme, even just the thought of having sex with the lights on is scarry for alot of women. We are conditioned to be always concerned about how we look, and God forbid how might we look with the lights on?
    I can only speak from my own experiences here, but as I get older the sex is getting better & better!!! I believe it is because of myself, not necessariy my partner (course that helps too!!) My blinders are off, I'm no critical of myself anymore, you either like who I am & how I look or you don't. Self confidence is my key to fulfillment in my sex life. I am open minded, upfront about what I like & want, & give my partner just as much equal time. I listen to his desires, no matter how freaky it might sound, & give him the respect he deserves for telling me just what it is he wants. Communication is always the answer, & for those who can't seem to achieve this, my opinion it is because the open communication was shot down a long time ago. So be careful what you say in the heat of the moment, you might not think it matters, but it can manifest into something much bigger over time if not attended to early on. Good luck to all, and bash me now if you will!!!

  • Posted By: xploraguy @ 09/04/2008 8:32:57 PM

    Comment: Ladies.....hate to say this but when this happens, more often then not....he is seeing other MEN. None of us will admit it....and it is not that it makes us exclusively Gay, but there is a certain comfort level being with other men. This is not true in all cases certainly. But it is way way way more prevalent than you think. Like a previous poster said "just check Craigslist....most are married men".....there is a lot of truth there.

  • Posted By: razmataz @ 09/04/2008 6:17:02 PM

    Comment: Reasons I sometimes do not want sex with my wife:
    - I am feeling lazy. Making love is work and I just want the pleasure, so I will wait for her to go to sleep then masturbate.
    - I am out of shape and don't like looking at my own body. I am not as influenced by her body sometimes as I am by my own.
    - I am not feeling particularly attracted to my wife that day.
    - I am tired. Sometimes this is because we watched TV instead of spending time together before going to bed and it is late and I so not want to expend the energy.
    - I am bored with the way we have been having sex but my wife is not that interested in trying new things.
    - I am bored with the way we have been having sex but I am intimidated and don't want to ask for it because I want my wife to enjoy the sex.
    - I am tired of being the giver and the creative one and I don't want to bother.

    Those are some reasons from my own life.

  • Posted By: CWill009 @ 09/04/2008 5:19:15 PM

    Comment: Are you kidding! Just because a man is not having sex with his wife doesn't means he's getting it elsewhere. Even if it's the same sex. The article hit it on the head. The relationship is no longer adventurerous or there are other issues at stake. I believe if the lack of sex is the problem, there should not be disruptive to the family. However, there need to be some form of communications and possible theraphy. I'm going home to talk to my wife. bye.

  • Posted By: fldiver @ 09/03/2008 1:52:36 PM

    Comment: I would be interested to know just how many of these men are too busy with their same sex activities that they can't be man enough to satisfy their wife. Just look at craigslist.com and all the personals are men looking for men, and most of the men there are married! It isn't a mystery of what is happening. Wives, if your man isn't interested any more, you better start looking for the clues. He's getting it somewhere!!

  • Posted By: fldiver @ 09/03/2008 1:49:16 PM

    Comment: for the researchers....ask these men how many of them are out having same sex encounters behind their wives backs? I'll bet my identity that at least 3 out of 4 men you talk to are having same sex encounters rather than being with their wife if they are in a sexless marriage and the wife is still wanting sex. Why do I say this? I'm in that marriage now. And I know many others there too. And look at the personals on craigslist.com -it is full of married men lookiing to 'hook-up' with other men for sex! not looking for women (they have one of those already).

  • Posted By: Josh Ashley @ 08/01/2008 9:33:19 PM

    Comment: A lot of men realize that they are gay as they get older - or maybe their body chemistry changes and they just get Gayer. Or, their wife is fat and unattractive & they just can't fake attraction any more. It could be a lot of things, and I suspect that many men aren't honest about the real reasons behind their lack of interest in sex ( with their wives). Josh Ashley

  • Posted By: FarrahAshline @ 08/01/2008 11:43:49 AM

    Comment: I have dealt with this issue in my pracrice as 'The Heartache Helper" here in upstate NY. Many men feel overwhelmed or simply too tired by the demands of "balancing it all" and simply place sex at the bottom of their priority list. What is compelling to note is how sex is really a demonstration or release of feelings and the ability to "let go." When one is taught in society to "handle it all" how can we then expect men to "turn around' and let it all go sexually? I suggest a slew of eastern practices daily to connect and release stress, depression and anger such as meditation, yoga, tantra, Taoism sexual reflexology, ayurveda and arts therapies. See how quickly your body thanks you when you take care of it from the inside out!

    Farrah Ashline

  • Posted By: jonarooni @ 07/31/2008 6:39:04 PM

    Comment: The best thing you can do for intimacy's sake is THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION!, for multiple reasons. Do THAT, and you will already be on the road to great sex at all times of day and night....trust me.

  • Posted By: tymerazor @ 07/09/2008 3:33:02 AM

    Comment: To say that everyone needs human touch is reaching. People are very different in their needs and what makes them tick. To say that you "don't buy" the idea that humans can get by without it or are doomed to be unsatisfied in it's absence says very little. This is an opinion. If you had presented some evidence to back it up maybe I would have been more impressed. Whether you buy it or not, fact is there are plenty of couples who engage in little physical contact and are very satisfied with the arrangements. Perhaps it is really this article that leaves something to be desired.

  • Posted By: colindale @ 07/08/2008 2:04:30 PM

    Comment: In my experience, women have not the slightest clue about a man's sexual response. This is proven time upon time by reference to a man's 'performance'. It is NOT a performance! It is not to be applauded or castigated. It is a biological response. Man is not a machine. Man is a human being and should be treated with understanding and respect. When women appreciate that it is not a 'peformance' but a reaction to themselves - then many marrisges will improve.

  • Posted By: Nins @ 07/07/2008 12:05:12 AM

    Comment: Did you know that if McCain is elected you will have to pay income tax on the value of the medical insurance that your employer gives you? Worse still, he is offering a tax break for people who pay their own insurance, BUT only $2,500 for individuals and $5,000 for families.

    Let's say you have a family of four. Your insurance policy costs would be at least $1,500-2,500 per month under a self-pay plan, which cost more than employer group plans. So, you pay $18,000 -$30,000 per year for insurance, and you get to deduct only $5,000 of that. If you paid $25,000 for you insurance, you would be out of pocket $20,000 per year. This is FAR WORSE than the current system, where if you are self employed you can deduct 100% of you medical insurance costs.

    So, if you're not self employed, you would stick with your Employer's plan. Employer plans for a family of four have a value of $900-$1,500 per month totaling 10,800-$18,000 per year. Surprise! On April 15th, you owe tax on all of that as INCOME to you. Say your bracket is 25%, and the value of your Employer medical plan is $14,000. You will OWE THE IRS an additional $3,500, and that's ON TOP of whatever monthly premium you already pay to your employer for your insurance.

    Many analysts say that McCain's new rules would encourage employers to stop offering health benefits. If that happened, then far fewer Americans would be insured than are insured today, because what family of four can afford $18,000-$30,000 out of pocket per year for self-pay health insurance?

    Furthermore, McCain's plan does not require insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions of people who self-pay their insurance. People under employer group plans have all of their pre-existing conditions covered. This is a hugely unfair aspect of the current system. Insurance companies can afford to cover the pre-existing conditions of the much larger pool of people with group insurance, but they refuse to pay the pre-existing conditions on the smaller pool of self-pay customers. They have been allowed to price gouge the self-pay customers, which is a form of market manipulation that should be illegal.

    So let's say one of your kids had diabetes and you have high blood pressure, then your employer stops offering insurance. You now have to buy your own, but you and your child are INELIGIBLE due to pre-existing conditions. Oh, yeah, they will let you buy the insurance, but you can't use it for any pre-existing condition until you have paid on time every month for two years. And you know what happens at one year and 11 months? You get a letter saying your policy has been cancelled. I have many patients this has happened to.

    McCain's plan SUCKS.

    It does nothing to help middle class working Americans afford or obtain medical insurance. In fact, it makes the current system WORSE.

  • Posted By: berleme @ 02/04/2008 1:28:25 AM

    Comment: It is really nice to hear that I am not the only one out there. I feel like I am a pretty attractive 27year old., and it is really frustrating, sad, disappointing, and even hurtful when I am the only one initiating sex, and when i initiate only half of the time does he actually respond.....this is definitely not what I signed up for!!!

    • Posted By: fldiver @ 09/03/2008 1:55:57 PM

      Comment: carefully deteremine just where he is getting his satisfaction if he is not getting it at home; he is getting it somewhere; mine happen to be getting it from men!

  • Posted By: berleme @ 02/04/2008 1:27:20 AM

    Comment: It is really nice to hear that I am not the only one out there. I feel like I am a pretty attractive 27year old., and it is really frustrating, sad, disappointing, and even hurtful when I am the only one initiating sex, and when i initiate only half of the time does he actually respond.....this is definitely not what I signed up for!!!

  • Posted By: Anir @ 01/20/2008 11:47:11 PM

    Comment: I cannot agree more with the agoodman.

    We men will always be blamed whichever way we go. If you initiate sex, you will accussed of committing rape within marriage, if you don't you will be blamed for something else.

    Guys....just quietly let her do what she wants and then roll-over and go to sleep.

  • Posted By: agoodman @ 01/17/2008 5:33:21 PM

    Comment: Let's just be honest here.... American society in 2008 caters to the whims of women. From ther movies to TV to print, male bashing is the norm. I can't watch TV for more than a half hour without seeing a conmercial where the man is too stupid to pour cough syrup on a spoon. This constant barage of " men bad, women good" has a had a huge impact on how we feel and think about ourselves.

    the article hints at this when they say " constant negative feelings from the wife" What man wants to male love to a woman who's always making him feel like crap? Think about it women... male bashing is sexist and that sexism is creating a nation of emasulated men ... you finally got what femimists have been wishing for for decades... men who don't see you as a sexual object.... you've come a long way , baby!

    Guerss what ladies, men are people too. Treat us well if you expect to eb treated well. It's a plan so crazy, it just might work

  • Posted By: Silver01TA @ 01/15/2008 1:12:20 AM

    Comment: Men and women can bring out the animal in each other. Its not physical ladies and gentleman. Its mental.

    Scenario 1
    Me: Young attractive male (20 years old) making 50k in Dallas Texas.
    Her: Older female (31 years old), beautiful eyes, pretty face, but heavy.

    She was older but she was so cool. We got along great and we did not bullshit. We said what was on our minds. Her sex drive was much larger than mine, but she could get me in the mood when I wasnt. It wasnt what she was wearing, it wasnt what she looked like, it was who she was that was sexy.

    Scenario 2
    ME: 22 years old
    HER: 20 years old very cute, great body.

    The problem, she was a prude, and was shy, timid, and would not let herself go when we would get intimate. I got tired of the barrier she put up. Whats the point of sex if you cant enjoy it. If i just wanted a quick orgasm, I could make a fist. Sex is mutual enjoyment, when it is one sided, you have a problem. And the longer you let it linger, the worse it gets. We are still together, but now my drive has completely diminished for her. Its not ED, its mental. I dont care at the moment. I have had my share of good sex. My fiancee makes will make a good wife, and she will be a great mother, but a decent lover she is not. But there is still hope.

    Its not the lingerie, or dirty talk that does it (they do help). Its the personality. A sexy personality in the bedroom is the key. If you connect mentally (or emotionally I guess) you WILL connect physically. Its the physical attraction that draws you to the other person, but its the mental attraction that will keep you there. For you ladies with men with low sex drives, you need to take a step back and reconnect with your husbands. Once you do that, the sex will follow. It will take time though, but being open and talking is the key.

  • Posted By: skinnyminny2 @ 01/14/2008 7:53:39 PM

    Comment: Maybe some of these wives are simply fat, ugly and unappealing.

  • Posted By: MGTOW @ 01/09/2008 5:33:57 PM

    Comment: Good ones Roseville and Wallybare- good clever comebacks. You are right wallybare I will not enter into a long term relationship until there is social and legal reform in marital/family law. If self respect, dignity and intergrity witha goal of being a decent fair person, expecting the same in return is cocky, I am guilty. As to reality, I live in New York, so the demographics, even if I were as repulsive as you might think, deliver a full social life. Roseville, the tired phrase of calling a man "angry" for standing up for issues on gender is a tired trick. I am not angry, I am forwarding my masculinist perspective when there are examples of unacceptable treatment on men and masculinity, in this case, how the author treated male sexuality in this article. It could have been informational, encouraging and postive, and it did have some of those elements, but interlaced she included very sexist, misandrist language. I should be transferrto a conservative university, (I am not even that conservative); I go to a public/state university, and should not have to transfer because of feminist indoctorination (would you tell me to go to the black school as well because I am black)-it is prevalent and common - Duke ring a bell, Group of 88- misandry is prevalent in society, Let's woman and man up over a bowl of chips and dip to do something about it.. But thanks for the fun retorts- Asad

  • Posted By: phiomalibumalibu @ 01/06/2008 10:20:23 PM

    Comment: Really, hmmm 10 times isn't much really....I used to have trouble with my libido. My wife has always been patient with me though. About 6 months ago I tried 2 things. 1) I got some sexual enhancement pills from herbalsize.com and 2) I started drinking pineapple juice. After about 1 month my desire increased 10 fold, and my wife can barely handle it. I would recommend this to all the guys! Good Luck!

    • Posted By: LibertyLady @ 01/06/2008 11:03:39 PM

      Comment: Could you share with us what the problem was? What your feelings were? That has been my biggest problem. We talk about everything but he can't tell me why? I have said many times "I think that you owe me an explanation! " But i never get one. He always denies that he doesn't want to have sex with me but just can't explain why it doesn't happen.

      • Posted By: Silver01TA @ 01/15/2008 2:25:11 AM

        Comment: After reading your comments it seems you have a problem as well. You cant expect to fix him if there is something wrong with you (or bothering you). You are obviously uncomfortable with your surplus of desire and feel repress your feelings. Now sex becomes chorelike and monotanous. I think you should first let go all your inhibitons. Tell your husband how you feel.

        I, on numerous occations have been the other guy that women fool around with. Why? Because I have met women who feel that they cant be themselves around their husbands. They feel that their husbands will judge them and think less of them for having such thoughts. And when they find someone who is accepting of those desires, and makes them feel ok about themselves, thats when they stray.

        The problem is that your husband needs to let you know that he accepts you and your desires. And you need to let him know how you feel. Everybody wants to be wanted.

      • Posted By: angelus1967 @ 01/07/2008 9:13:07 AM

        Comment: LibertyLady - This gur frequently shows up in health realted boards touting his pineapple juice and herbal meds and not really contributing anything else. He is an advertiser and nothing else......

  • Posted By: mcshellmc @ 01/06/2008 9:33:04 PM

    Comment: eh. 10 times a year sounds like a PERFECT number!

  • Posted By: SouthernVoter @ 01/06/2008 4:14:24 PM

    Comment: What? I'm 46 and it's my wife who couldn't care less about it. Where are these wives? Mine should talk to them! My wife acts like I'm a pervert for wanting to have sex with MY WIFE. Imagine that, a husband that wants to be faithful, has a passion for his wife and she thnks he's crazy.

    And by the way, she is not a bombshell or a workout queen so it's not just physical. I'm willing to be very open minded and flexible to keep things passionate but this is of no concern to her. So what's a guy to do?

    This article should not be bashing on men and instead should be on Partners that have no libido.

    • Posted By: agoodman @ 01/17/2008 5:40:07 PM

      Comment: when aren;t woman making men feel bad about thermselves? Make bashing is everywhere in our society.. everthing women can;t or don;t understand about men gives them reason, in their minds, to claim we;re perverts, inferior, stupid... name it..

      If people think this constant barage from the media of "men bad, women good" hasn;t had a HUGE impact on the wat we all see ourselves, I have a bridge to sell them

      Hey ladies, ask yourself this: if you don't want to be with a man that makes you feel about yoursel;f, what amkes you think a man is going to wnat to be with a woman who makes him feel bad about himself?

    • Posted By: LibertyLady @ 01/06/2008 7:43:18 PM

      Comment: I agree this problems happens to both men and women. But I do think society makes it different for women. In my corner of the world I feel that women are not suppose to want to to have sex. That is why I have never talked to anyone about this. I , too, feel like I am crazy to be wildly and passionately attracted to my husband and would love to have sex with him every chance we could. I go to work and my women coworkers are complaining about their husbands "wanting it all the time" and how they wish this part of their lives could "just be over with." And these are young women. Men are complaining that there wives never want it. I leave these conversations feeling like a freak - a sleazy woman. If I told these women what a great guy my husband is and that he doesn't want sex - I feel that would think I am lucky! And he is a loving husband. He sends flowers, likes to cuddle, etc. We have it all minus the sex. I should be thanking God for all I have but instead often cry myslef to sleep wondering if I will ever have sex again. Not a pleasant thought at 44 years old. Some days I think that I am going crazy.

      • Posted By: Cathexis @ 01/18/2008 1:49:02 PM

        Comment: Geez, "goodman" ... want some cheese with that whine? ;-)

        Seriously ... get over it! You are WAY too sensitive. I am a 50-year-old male and I couldn't disagree more. Sure, men get their share of pokes in today's society. Then again, there are a lot of men who *are* jerks. I know I am not one of them, so I don't personalize such jabs as pertaining to *every man* ... and especially not me. That's one of the costs of being in a demographic who controls most of the power in a society -- men become a "safer" target of humour. When you don't see YOURSELF as the butt of every joke, some of them are actuallyt funny. ;-)

        The reality is, IMO, that many (most?) men ARE egocentric, self-involved, non-empathetic people who go through life focused on what they like/want/"deserve" and not spending much energy thinking about what others (e.g., a Significant Other) might want or need.

        Now, you MAY actually *be* in a bad situation. I won't rule that out. OR there may be some things YOU could do to improve your situation, rather than sitting back and complaining that SHE won't change. But they involve LISTENING and GIVING ... not just to get what you want, but out of genuine love and affection for your SO.

        Now, maybe you already do all of that. Judging by your focused whine on your rough lot in life and the situation "us poor men" have to face ... I think the advice might do you some good. ;-)

        I'm done. Feel free to get all indignant and curse me out, now. ;-D

      • Posted By: cestor01 @ 01/11/2008 4:49:11 AM

        Comment: I am a middle-aged healthy man in a long-term relationship, and I don't have sex very often with my fiance, although she lets me know she wants more. I masturbate regularly, often two or more times per day, which angers her. The problem is, I got tired of doing the pursuing, and she doesn't like to be the one to initiate. I have never said no to sex, I just don't chase after it because it is easier to relieve myself

  • Posted By: piper49 @ 01/06/2008 2:20:37 PM

    Comment: I am a male who is divorced, and I did not discuss my feelings with my ex-wife because I got tired of haveing them thrown back in my face during an argument. My ex wife would not touch or even look at me if she were angry, then after days of being told what a worthless piece of dirt I am, then she wanted sex. There was no way I was going to go to bed with her after all that she had said. I was willing to take it when she was ready, because we worked seperate shifts, I worked during the day and she is a nurse who worked primarily at night.

  • Posted By: byronlutz @ 01/06/2008 2:07:55 PM

    Comment: The psychologists are idiots. When will anybody get it? Sex and love have nothing to do with each other. If they did -- the horniest couples in the world would be couples celebrating their 50th anniversary.

  • Posted By: MGTOW @ 01/06/2008 1:59:20 PM

    Comment: Lysistrata reversed methinks. I am according to the article a "culprit" who "is too quick to blame" and "simply don't understand that sex changes over the course of a relationship"- LOL what pathetic misandry by the female author. Here is my take as a soon to be college graduate. For as long as I remember I have been told that I am inherently an abuser and a rapist. This message is inculcated at a very young age, and full blown in college. Freshperson orientation and required courses in Feminism tell us ala Dworkin and Mackinnon, that the very act of sexual penetration is a violation of a woman and tantamount to rape. So take solace women, your husbands/partners who don't have sex with you are actually being respectful of you. Your partner is probably in a workplace where any slight of a woman is grounds for being fired, yet the women in his office freely disseminate male bashing jokes and opinions. If he is in the corporate world he has to work longer than the women around him to get promoted and will see that the company is busy organizing women only corporate networking events, but that is strictly prohibited for men. He probably comes home to see Cosmo and other journalistic endeavors about touting how terrible men are, and may even settle in with you to watch the evening television (made for and marketed almost exclusively to women) continue the daily male bashing grind. And then you wonder why he may not want to be intimate with you? And goodness knows we don't want to evaluate as other posters have mentioned, environmental factors. Perhaps when women consider that topics on gender and male sexuality do not revolve only around them, and that society doesn't only revolve around them, and we address female privilege and attitudes towards men- you won't go to bed with cold toes. I applaud and urge men who are not happy in their relationships, and don't find intimacy with their partner to stand up and speak up in a way they want to, and in a way that is genuinely reflective of themselves. This article and these books rejecting your survey responses and way of expressing yourself, and rewriting in a women first way is just patently offensive. Erego, why so many young men like myself are forever proponents of The Marriage Strike. Sorry women, many of you are really decent good people, but until you stand up to the level of misandry and misandrist matriarchal structures of this society we will exclude you from our lives and our bedrooms.

    • Posted By: wallybare @ 01/07/2008 4:13:15 AM

      Comment: Why is it I get the feeling, after reading your "soon to be a college graduate" analysis on women, that it is most likely your cocky attitude that keeps the women away from you, not you away from them. I also wonder if you would ever have the energy to be in a relationship, what with the long, tiring sloughing of those chips that appear to be on your shoulders.

      • Posted By: roseville @ 01/09/2008 3:48:18 PM

        Comment: Good grief...how angry can one be? You must have been raised by some sort of feminist facist, cause never once have I, or other women I know, referred to men as rapists or abusers! If that's what you're learning in college, I suggest you transfer to a more conservative university! I agree with wallybare...have some dip with that chip on your shoulder.

        • Posted By: obvious_thinker @ 01/10/2008 5:26:59 PM

          Comment: Unfortunately, neither of you have seen the feminist agenda. Part of what he says is accurate. But at the same time, really it is hyperbole. It is purposely exaggerated in order to hit very obtuse men between the eyes. Not every man comes from a "normal" healthy example of parenting, and all these freshman sex-counciling classes are meant to tell those men that no really does mean no even if their dads, step-dads, and mom's abusive boyfriends say it isn't true.

  • Posted By: fkleinberg @ 01/06/2008 1:57:39 PM

    Comment: I wish we could take all the longterm couples who are mismatched for sexual desire and play musical chairs so that we are re-aligned with partners who have the same degree of interest, or lack of it. I'm in year 36 of a marriage where an otherwise perfectly healthy wife has just dropped off the chart for any intimacy, affection or sex over the last 3 years, with no intention of doing anything about it. As a still healthy attractive man in my late 50's, I'm frustrated as hell and do not see any graceful solution. Ideas anyone???

    • Posted By: Cathexis @ 01/18/2008 1:53:11 PM

      Comment: Dude ... read the article.

      A large number of sexual "lack of interest cases" involve problems/stresses in completely different areas. One avenue to explore: Temporarily shelf your own frustrations and check to see how SHE is doing.

      • Posted By: Woman @ 05/23/2008 11:06:50 AM

        Comment: Is your wife peri-menopausal? She could be suffering from physical problems related to this. Encourage her to talk to her GYN.

  • Posted By: Golfer @ 01/06/2008 1:12:46 PM

    Comment: This article pertains to a lot of married couples that do not believe that ER can be treated. Under a Doctors care any male with this problem can be treated. The degree of treatment would depend on present medical condition.

  • Posted By: mrsoftee @ 01/06/2008 11:50:11 AM

    Comment: My problems started after taking medications for blood pressure control. It has something to do with the effect on blood vessels that control erectile function. For me the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!

  • Posted By: mrsoftee @ 01/06/2008 11:47:12 AM

    Comment: My problems

  • Posted By: notsoold @ 01/06/2008 10:25:14 AM

    Comment: Being a male, 55, this problem began when I was 46. I was working 12 to 16 hrs a day with the commute from the new house, had problems at wor k and came home tired. The wife and young child would be out shopping while I was working. I came home too tired to be interested. My interest became on weekend am, hers in the pm. She claimed that any man who "needed" the use of sex toys, sexy outfits, etc. was abnormal. She stated that all men are ready for it all the time, unless they are "queer". If you are not doing it 3 or more times a week you must be doing it with someone else or have a perversion.
    Natuarally this led to a divorce, etc.
    But what I did learn is that some women are schooled in the idea that men have tohave sex multiple times a week and are always ready. They regard any admission of something else as an excuse for extramarital activity.
    as an aside before someone brings this up, over 20 years I gained 4 inches in the waist, she went froma size 8 to a size 16

  • Posted By: okie3 @ 01/06/2008 9:43:11 AM

    Comment: I just wished these commercials for erectile dysfunction would explain what it is, so my 5 year old would stop asking me. BTW, anyone had an erection lasting over 4 hours?

  • Posted By: lori77 @ 01/06/2008 8:54:36 AM

    Comment: I am 30 yrs old and my husband is 36. Our problem started 6mos into our relationship when we found out we both had HPV. We do not know which one of us came into the relationship with it but he thinks it was him. We did not have sex for nearly 9mos after that because he felt ashamed or dirty or something. I never have understood and it still effects are relationship to this day. I would say on avarage that we have sex maybe once per month. I have always been a very sexually active and unrestrained person. Now after nearly 3 years of subtle rejection I have feelings of not being attractive enough because for that 9mos I didn't realize the reason he was rejecting me was because of him and not me. In that period of time I gained 10 to 15 lbs and now he sometimes says that it is my weight that effects our current sex life. So now when we do have sex I am not adventerous because I am worried about what he thinks of my body. Deep down I feel that I am still attractive but it is hard when we are in bed to remember that. I have lost 10lbs recently and it dosen't appear to have affected him at all. We also have the problem that we just are not interested at the same times. He is a middle of the afternoon person and I am a night time person. Since we moved in together 2yrs ago we have had sex before bed no more than 3 times. I find this really annoying since I was used to men that were pretty happy to have it whenever it was offered and I was happy to oblige whenever they wanted. It also takes him forever to ejaculate so sometimes we will have sex and he won't even come, which again makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I have thought of trying to find something that would help him *** a little faster but everything on the market is made to slow the guy down not speed him up.I love him very much but I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I will look into these books to see if there is some advice.

  • Posted By: brotazz13 @ 01/06/2008 6:38:53 AM

    Comment: I think that we have lost touch with ourselves regarding intimacy because there is a great demand on each of us to succeed by any means necessary. Men are opt to want to provide for their families and to maintain a certain status can be stressful, thus taking away from the thought of having sex and wanting to nurture that portion of the libido. We, as men, aren't robots which you can turn a switch on and we're "Up, and running", nut we need to wind down and feel ourselves before we can think about having mad sex. Today's emphasis is primarily on kids, jobs and taking care of our homes....ultimately the bottom line is being totally successful. Losing weight and looking 20 years have nothing to do with how we react, men can still perform as bald headed, big belly people. We have to not get so caught up in the images that television slays us with and try to keep it real that the only thing which is constant in life is......"CHANGE".

  • Posted By: marysamuels @ 01/06/2008 5:34:04 AM

    Comment: Some of you may be thinking I'm probably overwieght,slobby and unkempt. Not so, I weigh 15 pounds less than when we go married. I keep my self in good shape, he's the one with the belly and sucessively larger pants and shirts. I look at least 10 years younger than him. I never leave the house without having showered, done my hair and put make up on. The sad thing is he's only 4 years older than me.

  • Posted By: marysamuels @ 01/06/2008 4:32:59 AM

    Comment: After ten years of antidepressants, anxiety medication and a dependency on painkillers he won't admit to, I'm the one with the libido in this house! I never thought at age 55 I wouln't be having sex anymore. Occaisionally Viagra helps but there's no spontinaity and it rarely occurs to him. After 20 years of a vigorous sex life (I never once turned him down) we've got zip. If it wasn't such a bad sin I'd have an affair with a much younger man. I don't have a lover anymore I have a roomate. It makes me very sad.

  • Posted By: marysamuels @ 01/06/2008 4:26:30 AM

    Comment: After tem years on an antidpressant, anxiety medication and a dependency on pain killers he won't admit to our sex life is zip;.. I never thought at age 55 I wouldn't be having sex. I'm the one with the libido in this house! Sometimes Viagra helps but there's no spontinaity and it rarely occurs to him. After 20 years of a vigorous sex life ( I never once turned him down) I'm the frustrated one. If it wasn't such a bad sin I'd have an affair with a younger man. I don't have a lover anymore, I have a roomate.

  • Posted By: phiomalibumalibu @ 01/06/2008 2:09:05 AM

    Comment: I used to have trouble with my libido. My wife has always been patient with me though. About 6 months ago I tried 2 things. 1) I got some sexual enhancement pills from herbalsize.com and 2) I started drinking pineapple juice. After about 1 month my desire increased 10 fold, and my wife can barely handle it. I would recommend this to all the guys! Good Luck!

    • Posted By: angelus1967 @ 01/07/2008 9:03:35 AM

      Comment: Advertising again phiomalibumalibu? I am not sure that you have any credibility left on these boards (if you had any to begin with) because you are constantly advertising different herbal meds/sites. Take it elsewhere......

  • Posted By: asexycreation @ 01/06/2008 1:47:10 AM

    Comment: Comment: I think she should recieve joint custody of her kids. I think this proves to much attention is bad for someone. I think that maybe she does not know how to be a mother and We should have more resources to poeple like this not someone going to her home and taking care of her kids but someone teaching her how to love and care for someone and to help boost her self esteem as a woman not treat her like a child and do it for her. That is what is wrong with alot of poeple no one every loved them and never taught them anything and when they become adults they will automatically screw up because they do not know the right way of how to do it and it is not just with celeberties this happens to alot of people and i feel it is a unfair system that everyone deserves the same chance in life.....same medical....same schooling....some choices.......I feel we should be more focussed on helping the people rather than lable them............Not everyone has some one to love them and show them....how to be a adult....some people are not even shown daily living skills.....

  • Posted By: LibertyLady @ 01/06/2008 1:33:41 AM

    Comment: I can see there are many sides to this article. I am in a good relationship. Find my husband attractive and he finds me so -- yes even tells me. We are kind and loving to each other. But our sex life is nearly non-existent. I have cried and cried and cried. My husband can't give me an answer to why he feels so little desire ( we had sex twice in 2007). So we ahve tried to talk about it and even on occasion have joked about it. But in a society that tells us that men are begging and women are faking headaches it is very difficult to talk about. In fact this comment is the first time I have come close to even admitting this problem to anyone. So I was so relieved to see this article, know that I am not alone and can't wait to check out the books mentioned.

    • Posted By: Mrs. Frog @ 01/06/2008 2:09:33 PM

      Comment: Finally someone has the same problem as me. This woman described my frustration exactly. It's a very hard thing to talk about.This has been going on for 29 years. I keep hearing it's not you, it's me. I think it is a psychological problem but my husband refuses to see a therapist. Hard to admit he does have a problem. sometimes I get so frustrated I want to scream. It's the intimacy I'm craving m, not just the sex!

      • Posted By: LibertyLady @ 01/06/2008 7:30:08 PM

        Comment: It does help to know that there are others out there. I once started to talk to my best friend and when she proudly piped up that she obliges her husband at least once a week, of course I shut up. I have tried everything. Losing weight, sexy talk, nighties, offers to meet at home at noon, taking our son to Grandma's for the night, etc. It all leads to frustration and lots of tears. I hope it helps to know that I feel your pain.

  • Posted By: katrina205 @ 01/05/2008 11:36:24 PM

    Comment: On a one week honeymoon, it happened TWICE. I spent the week telling him "Its OK to do it now, we're MARRIED!!!" The argument lasted the duration of the 14 year marriage, and it started on the honeymoon. He was a missionary kid, so premarital sex was an issue, although it did happen a few times. I had no idea it would be so bad. However, he knew I wouldn't cross the line to sex outside of marriage. Years of counseling didnt help and later he said he just didnt want to deal with it anymore. It took a long time to heal the hurt of thinking I wasn't worthy. Now? I'm dating a man who enjoys it as much as I do. Wow. What a difference!!

  • Posted By: AquaMWI @ 01/05/2008 9:59:59 PM

    Comment: This article touches on relevant cases that occur also with long term non married couples, which I am currently have been for over 7 years. Being the woman in the relationship, I wondered why we didn't fit the stereotype of where my partner has to beg me for sex rather than the other way around. He is in his late twenties and I recently found out he has been taking Cialis, however I know ED is NOT a problem, but this article helps to show me other ways to look at this and how to be more considerate to other perspectives to the matter.

  • Posted By: andreo @ 01/05/2008 8:23:57 PM

    Comment: I agree with low testosterone. I wish we funded men's health equally so we could find out why men in the developed world have lower testosterone on average than men in lesser developed countries. It could maybe tied to environmental conditions is some cases. I know that they have found that water treatment plants don't filter out estrogen for example- and with all of the birth control pills being pee'ed out they have found male fish in waters by the plants losing their maleness. Estrogen also shows up in a lot of plastics. I would like to see these kind as well as real research psych studies, not just pop psychology books by people trying to get air time on The View.

  • Posted By: doggone @ 01/05/2008 7:30:29 PM

    Comment: There has been no mention of low testosterone. This also can be a reason men lose interest.

  • Posted By: dragonfiel @ 01/05/2008 7:26:19 PM

    Comment: I was quite surprised to see this article. I believed others had the same issue but never did I ever want to touch on it as casual dinner conversation or a topic with the guys. Yet Im surprised at no moment did the article ever mention the possibilty that the dis interest is the result of rejection (sometimes years of it) by the wife in the beginning of the marriage. After always trying to earn points with her through affection, kisses, flowers, flirting throughout the day and even calling her and slipping a few phrases or conversation of "guess what Id love to be doing now?" etc Im the one not interested anymore. Of course when she does approach me Im ready as ever, but its just easier going down south or the tropics and finding a beauty and getting a heck of a bed workout really really needed. Not to mean I dont love my wife, I couldnt even think of parting ways with her it just dosnt seem worth taking the initiative anymore.

  • Posted By: mjl1951 @ 01/05/2008 7:22:02 PM

    Comment: Many times a woman is guilty of having let herself go to the point of becoming unattractive to her husband thus affecting his libido. Men are visual creatures and an attractive woman is the first step to a good physical relationship.

    • Posted By: username2 @ 01/06/2008 5:17:49 AM

      Comment: A woman let herself go?? How many men are out there with balding heads and big bellies? They think it's ok for him to look like this, but god forbid that the woman "let herself go". Get over it. You get older and you aren't going to look 20 anymore after several children, and middle age...

  • Posted By: CorbinB2 @ 01/05/2008 4:56:44 PM

    Comment: Well it didn't take long for the comments to start taking sides...lol

    There a some truths here in the fact that a constant negative attitude towards day to day events has a profound affect on either partners willingness to make love, man or woman. Sex is usually the end result of a series of good positive feelings and when a partner berates his/her spouse with negativity, it certainly is not conduscive to an environment where they will want to have sex.

    Many times men in particular, but women also, feel they need to absorb the negativity and stay positive, and over time this can lead to the resentment the article talks about.

    The non-adventurous spouse syndrome the article refers to can be easily rectified by simply telling your spouse what you want, but then what to do if they would rather not? Honestly, I think this may be why more couples are moving into the DINN era of their relationship. If you are happy together AND faithful to each other, who is to say what is right or wrong.

  • Posted By: xxyyzz @ 01/05/2008 2:53:28 PM

    Comment: "more than 40 percent of men said they're angry at their wives" says it all. Criticism and denigration are not an aphrodisiac, contrary to what women seem to believe. I wonder how many of these men spent the first 10 years of their marriage with the wife turning them down. Eventually it builds resentment and gets to be more trouble than its worth and the man finds an alternative outlet. But let the women have some unfilled desire and she wines about it.

  • Posted By: xxyyzz @ 01/05/2008 2:48:57 PM

    Comment: "more than 40 percent of men said they're angry at their wives" says it all. Get a clue women. You can't denigrate everything a man says and does, then expect him to want to be intimate with you. Also I wonder how many men were the aggressors the first 10 years of the marriage and then finally gave up trying to get their wives interested. When the frequency of intercourse finally drops down to a level that creates desire in a women, now she expects what she didn't give all those years: passion.

    • Posted By: agoodman @ 01/17/2008 5:41:27 PM

      Comment: well said!

  • Posted By: bdulu @ 01/05/2008 2:14:55 PM

    Comment: With all due respect Lauren Day-- those websites are filled with just as many, if not more, married women doing the same thing. I see that choice celebrated on the circuit by the Gail Sheehy's, the stories in Marie Claire, Glamour et al, and propped up as Girrrll Power on Lifetime and Oxygen. Ironically we villify men for it. Can you tell, I am also unimpressed with the tone of this article. Why do men have to use the tools and language of emotion and expression that women do? Oh that is right, silly me, it is all about us.

  • Posted By: granddame @ 01/05/2008 1:50:21 PM

    Comment: Good on you wanderer- I also thought the article was well meaning, but then turned into a borderline essay on labeling men as "culprits", and incapable of expressing themselves. Maybe it is the society that has come to quickly dismiss the male perspective. This article suggests that the book is not really about helping men, rather, focusses on helping women. I don't recall an article talking about women's lagging libidos doing so in such a deprecating manner. You may be onto something- the overbearing femminist influence on the social sciences needs to be re-evaluated. Pathologizing maleness and masculinity doesn't seem to be the answer. Our feelings and bias' on this issue should be equal or even secondary on issues men are dealing with-not primary- I am woman enough to recognize that.

  • Posted By: wanderer @ 01/05/2008 1:26:13 PM

    Comment:
    "The uninterested male is too quick to put the blame on his partner" Translation- what a man says is the reason is inherently incorrect and secondary to the wants of the female partner. I am glad there is actually attention being placed on male sexuality, but where this article goes awry is in the tone- which states and says men are culprits and don't understand. Perhaps it is the efeminization of psychology which looks at these issues from only a pro female perspective that is awry and doesn't understand. Good topic, biased, velled misandry interpretation wrong approach.

  • Posted By: Lauren Day @ 01/04/2008 8:42:11 PM

    Comment: Don't kid yourselves, ladies--your husband is still interested, just not in you. I've had droves of married men who've contacted me (on singles' dating sites, no less!) offering to leave work early, lie to their wives, come home late, buy me anything if I'd sleep with them, even once. The reason? Their wives are completely a snooze in the sack. No lights, no new positions, no adventure....it's like having Hamburger Helper every night of the week. Most of these men, when I pressed for details, admitted they love their wives and don't plan to leave, but they feel like they're living with a sister, not a lover. I'm not excusing these creeps, just trying to make a point: your husband probably is getting it elsewhere....or trying desperately to find someone to say "yes." A word to the wise...and to the wives: don't be naive.

    • Posted By: notsoold @ 01/06/2008 10:41:21 AM

      Comment: Hey Lauren I ve got something to say from the mans side. First I will tell you that I am in my mid 50 s and have been divorced 6 yrs.
      My ex wanted a bigger house, more credit cards (and loved to use them). I had to travel more, work longer hours to try and prop up a failing business and pay her bills. when I came home tired after a 14 hr or longer day (including a couple of hours each day commuting) she couldn't understand why all I wanted to do was sleep even on a Friday night. The same was true after out of town travel. Arrive home on a late flight at 1 am, go to work a 6 or 7 and I m too tired??? I m making it up??
      She ferverently believed that if a man wasn't able to do it anytime it was only because he had already done it with someone else or were queer or perverted. Further, she believed that sex toys, lingere, new positions were all unnessesary, men just want to f@@@ anytime, anyway, anywhere and the need or want of the previous was a perversion. She claims the source for all this knowlege were womens
      magazines, tv shows and other women.
      I have found that too many women I have met share this view.

    • Posted By: Maleman @ 01/06/2008 7:40:42 AM

      Comment: You tell it Lauren Day! WOW!!! Exactly what the problem is. Lest we not forget that in the beginning . . . it had to have been physical looks also that attracted two people to each other. Just look around - in any "Kingdom" the male is constantly looking to mate. It doesn't matter what "Kingdom" you're looking at. Primarily, men always want [it]. The sensation of tactile touch is too pleasurable to avoid it. It doesn't really matter what the spouse looks like either; in bed, under the covers, in the light or in the dark, people feel good . . . good to the touch. All the sensations are brought to life when you smell one anothers hair, put your nose in the nape of a neck, rub against one another . . . . It really is sad that some women behave as if they expect to be courted forever - "my God baby doll, I already like you . . . let me have you, let me enjoy you . . . allow me to use you to feel good about myself . . . . Let's not lose sight of the fact that we are carnal primates. It is immaterial what your position is at your job or what your childhood upbringing was like. As a human you have feelings, feelings that should be acted on, and in a way that enriches you, makes you feel good about yourself and the person you're with. What's wrong with feeling good? Why do so many elect to deprive themselves of experiencing good feelings. Lauren, you refer to those men as "creeps" but don't forget that to us feeling desired as a man is as important to us as you females feeling secure and taken care of, protected, loved, cherished.

  • Posted By: spiritguide @ 01/04/2008 5:23:38 PM

    Comment: Just look around you ( and in the mirror ) and notice that it seems that nearly every American adult over the age of 30 is seriously out of shape and seriously over weight.. typically 30 lbs minimum or more. I don't know about you, but this impacts me seriously in the realm of sexual attraction and stimulation, and feeling sexually attractive. If I and my mate are taking care of ourselves in this manner, then my sexual interest is hugely imroved..and during those times we slack off.. greatly diminished.
    Also unresolved conflict in the relationship.. and subconscious psychological conflict stemming from unresolved issues involving ones childhood parental relationships often plays a huge part in sexual dysfunction in the marriage.
    Besides taking care of yourself by eating well, joining a health club and staying physically attractive ( which is achievable ) engaging in counseling sessions to address current or past conflicts can be enormously helpful!

    • Posted By: mrsoftee @ 01/06/2008 11:43:35 AM

      Comment: I didn't see any mention of the fact that medications can affect male libido. As soon as I went on blood pressure medication, I could tell the difference. It has something to do with its affect on the blood vessels that control erectile function. Prior to the blood pressure medication, I was on a medicine for tendinitis and it produced the same result. For me the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!

 
 
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