She’s Gotta Have It

A lot of men realize that they are gay as they get older - or maybe their body chemistry changes and they just get Gayer. Or, their wife is fat and unattractive & they just can't fake attraction any more. It could be a lot of things, and I suspect that many men aren't honest about the real reasons behind their lack of interest in sex ( with their wives). Josh Ashley

I have dealt with this issue in my pracrice as 'The Heartache Helper" here in upstate NY. Many men feel overwhelmed or simply too tired by the demands of "balancing it all" and simply place sex at the bottom of their priority list. What is compelling to note is how sex is really a demonstration or release of feelings and the ability to "let go." When one is taught in society to "handle it all" how can we then expect men to "turn around' and let it all go sexually? I suggest a slew of eastern practices daily to connect and release stress, depression and anger such as meditation, yoga, tantra, Taoism sexual reflexology, ayurveda and arts therapies. See how quickly your body thanks you when you take care of it from the inside out!

Farrah Ashline

The best thing you can do for intimacy's sake is THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION!, for multiple reasons. Do THAT, and you will already be on the road to great sex at all times of day and night....trust me.

To say that everyone needs human touch is reaching. People are very different in their needs and what makes them tick. To say that you "don't buy" the idea that humans can get by without it or are doomed to be unsatisfied in it's absence says very little. This is an opinion. If you had presented some evidence to back it up maybe I would have been more impressed. Whether you buy it or not, fact is there are plenty of couples who engage in little physical contact and are very satisfied with the arrangements. Perhaps it is really this article that leaves something to be desired.

Did you know that if McCain is elected you will have to pay income tax on the value of the medical insurance that your employer gives you? Worse still, he is offering a tax break for people who pay their own insurance, BUT only $2,500 for individuals and $5,000 for families.

Let's say you have a family of four. Your insurance policy costs would be at least $1,500-2,500 per month under a self-pay plan, which cost more than employer group plans. So, you pay $18,000 -$30,000 per year for insurance, and you get to deduct only $5,000 of that. If you paid $25,000 for you insurance, you would be out of pocket $20,000 per year. This is FAR WORSE than the current system, where if you are self employed you can deduct 100% of you medical insurance costs.

So, if you're not self employed, you would stick with your Employer's plan. Employer plans for a family of four have a value of $900-$1,500 per month totaling 10,800-$18,000 per year. Surprise! On April 15th, you owe tax on all of that as INCOME to you. Say your bracket is 25%, and the value of your Employer medical plan is $14,000. You will OWE THE IRS an additional $3,500, and that's ON TOP of whatever monthly premium you already pay to your employer for your insurance.

Many analysts say that McCain's new rules would encourage employers to stop offering health benefits. If that happened, then far fewer Americans would be insured than are insured today, because what family of four can afford $18,000-$30,000 out of pocket per year for self-pay health insurance?

Furthermore, McCain's plan does not require insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions of people who self-pay their insurance. People under employer group plans have all of their pre-existing conditions covered. This is a hugely unfair aspect of the current system. Insurance companies can afford to cover the pre-existing conditions of the much larger pool of people with group insurance, but they refuse to pay the pre-existing conditions on the smaller pool of self-pay customers. They have been allowed to price gouge the self-pay customers, which is a form of market manipulation that should be illegal.

So let's say one of your kids had diabetes and you have high blood pressure, then your employer stops offering insurance. You now have to buy your own, but you and your child are INELIGIBLE due to pre-existing conditions. Oh, yeah, they will let you buy the insurance, but you can't use it for any pre-existing condition until you have paid on time every month for two years. And you know what happens at one year and 11 months? You get a letter saying your policy has been cancelled. I have many patients this has happened to.

McCain's plan SUCKS.

It does nothing to help middle class working Americans afford or obtain medical insurance. In fact, it makes the current system WORSE.

It is really nice to hear that I am not the only one out there. I feel like I am a pretty attractive 27year old., and it is really frustrating, sad, disappointing, and even hurtful when I am the only one initiating sex, and when i initiate only half of the time does he actually respond.....this is definitely not what I signed up for!!!

I cannot agree more with the agoodman.

We men will always be blamed whichever way we go. If you initiate sex, you will accussed of committing rape within marriage, if you don't you will be blamed for something else.

Guys....just quietly let her do what she wants and then roll-over and go to sleep.

Let's just be honest here.... American society in 2008 caters to the whims of women. From ther movies to TV to print, male bashing is the norm. I can't watch TV for more than a half hour without seeing a conmercial where the man is too stupid to pour cough syrup on a spoon. This constant barage of " men bad, women good" has a had a huge impact on how we feel and think about ourselves.

the article hints at this when they say " constant negative feelings from the wife" What man wants to male love to a woman who's always making him feel like crap? Think about it women... male bashing is sexist and that sexism is creating a nation of emasulated men ... you finally got what femimists have been wishing for for decades... men who don't see you as a sexual object.... you've come a long way , baby!

Guerss what ladies, men are people too. Treat us well if you expect to eb treated well. It's a plan so crazy, it just might work

Men and women can bring out the animal in each other. Its not physical ladies and gentleman. Its mental.

Scenario 1
Me: Young attractive male (20 years old) making 50k in Dallas Texas.
Her: Older female (31 years old), beautiful eyes, pretty face, but heavy.

She was older but she was so cool. We got along great and we did not bullshit. We said what was on our minds. Her sex drive was much larger than mine, but she could get me in the mood when I wasnt. It wasnt what she was wearing, it wasnt what she looked like, it was who she was that was sexy.

Scenario 2
ME: 22 years old
HER: 20 years old very cute, great body.

The problem, she was a prude, and was shy, timid, and would not let herself go when we would get intimate. I got tired of the barrier she put up. Whats the point of sex if you cant enjoy it. If i just wanted a quick orgasm, I could make a fist. Sex is mutual enjoyment, when it is one sided, you have a problem. And the longer you let it linger, the worse it gets. We are still together, but now my drive has completely diminished for her. Its not ED, its mental. I dont care at the moment. I have had my share of good sex. My fiancee makes will make a good wife, and she will be a great mother, but a decent lover she is not. But there is still hope.

Its not the lingerie, or dirty talk that does it (they do help). Its the personality. A sexy personality in the bedroom is the key. If you connect mentally (or emotionally I guess) you WILL connect physically. Its the physical attraction that draws you to the other person, but its the mental attraction that will keep you there. For you ladies with men with low sex drives, you need to take a step back and reconnect with your husbands. Once you do that, the sex will follow. It will take time though, but being open and talking is the key.

Maybe some of these wives are simply fat, ugly and unappealing.

Good ones Roseville and Wallybare- good clever comebacks. You are right wallybare I will not enter into a long term relationship until there is social and legal reform in marital/family law. If self respect, dignity and intergrity witha goal of being a decent fair person, expecting the same in return is cocky, I am guilty. As to reality, I live in New York, so the demographics, even if I were as repulsive as you might think, deliver a full social life. Roseville, the tired phrase of calling a man "angry" for standing up for issues on gender is a tired trick. I am not angry, I am forwarding my masculinist perspective when there are examples of unacceptable treatment on men and masculinity, in this case, how the author treated male sexuality in this article. It could have been informational, encouraging and postive, and it did have some of those elements, but interlaced she included very sexist, misandrist language. I should be transferrto a conservative university, (I am not even that conservative); I go to a public/state university, and should not have to transfer because of feminist indoctorination (would you tell me to go to the black school as well because I am black)-it is prevalent and common - Duke ring a bell, Group of 88- misandry is prevalent in society, Let's woman and man up over a bowl of chips and dip to do something about it.. But thanks for the fun retorts- Asad

eh. 10 times a year sounds like a PERFECT number!