Gabriela Hasbun for Newsweek
Unengaged: 'I don't need a ring to remind me I am loved'
MY TURN

Yes To Love, No To Marriage

I am committed to Jeff for life. I just don't need a piece of paper and a pretty white dress to prove it.

 
 
 

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Last year, during a family barbecue concluding our annual visit to my beloved Jeff's Michigan hometown, his sister-in-law pulled him aside to ask why we weren't moving our relationship down a church aisle. "I thought there would be an announcement," she said. Jeff reminded her that we had shared good news about buying a house together, a significant step in our three-year relationship.

"You two are doing it backward," she said.

I am a 42-year-old woman who has lived life mostly on my own terms. I have never sought a husband and have still experienced intense, affirming love. I have explored the world and myself and sought understanding, knowledge and a sense of how I can best contribute. Ten years ago I left a New York career to return to California and pursue a writer's life. Shortly thereafter I met an intelligent teenager, also determined to live life on her own terms, who is now my fabulous foster daughter.

Meeting Jeff—an intelligent, creative, thoughtful man—became the icing on the rich cake of a life not wasted cruising singles bars and pining over lost loves.

Last year Jeff asked me to marry him, and I willingly gave my heart to the intent of his question. We are committed to spending our future together, pursuing our dreams and facing life's challenges in partnership.

Yet I do not need a piece of paper from the state to strengthen my commitment to Jeff. I do not believe in a religion that says romantic, committed love is moral only if couples pledge joint allegiance to God.

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Member Comments

  • Posted By: doodlemonsterchicken @ 06/02/2009 5:31:10 PM

    The divorce rate in the U.S is 50%, so it sounds like even if they do get married they have that chance of getting divorced anyway... marriage doesn't guarantee stability.

  • Posted By: gatto @ 01/07/2009 3:28:18 PM

    That's right, anti-establishment rebellion is certainly not what America was founded upon, nor is individualism. It's ever American's God-given duty to bow down before the (protestant) God, as well as the almighty dollar, and that wonderful idol, the flag. These comments make me laugh (and cringe).

  • Posted By: nwkerr2005 @ 12/21/2008 10:25:26 PM

    This is the liberal anti establishment rebellion that is destroying America. Good order and discipline couples with a sense of tradition is what made America the most productive country ever. Now we are living it on our own terms and a bunch of idividualism is what is destroying the fabric of our country.

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