I find that most parents who have children who are just your average-normal-not-TOO-difficult children think that because their parenting method works with their children, it will work with all children. If you have a difficult child, you know that the normal disciplinary methods often don't work. While it doesn't make sense to us that a child would choose poor behavior knowing that negative consequences will result, it seems to be the case with difficult children. My son, for example, is so stubborn and determined to "win" that he doesn't care WHAT you take away from him. Negative consequences are pretty much ineffective. Spankings are laughed at unless you hit really hard and then you are edging too close to child abuse. I have not read Dr. Kazdin's work, but in reply to Dr. Johnny, positive reinforcement when you notice good behavior is not enough either. We have tried. I am planning on reading this book. Some children need a totally different approach and nothing traditional has worked so far.
Go Stand in the Corner
- Share:
-
Email To A Friend
Please fill in the following information and we'll email this link.
Disciplining kids can be tricky. Parents try the old star chart, then scolding, punishing, maybe even a swat or two. Bad news: Alan Kazdin, the new president of the American Psychological Association, says none of it will help much. His new book, "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: With No Pills, No Therapy, No Contest of Wills," in stores this week, lays out a different approach. He spoke with NEWSWEEK'S Peg Tyre.
How did parents get this wrong?
If you see a negative behavior in your child, you're going to respond. The behavior changes instantaneously. But in the long run, the response doesn't keep the behavior from happening again.
What do you suggest for a, uh, friend whose 7-year-old has a tantrum at bedtime?
The key is focusing on the behavior you want rather than on the behavior you don't. Then create situations where your child can practice that [good] behavior, even if you have to simulate or fake it.
You mean like playacting? Isn't that kind of weird?
Maybe. But good behavior needs to be practiced like a musical instrument. The more you practice, the more you get it down. It's not rocket science.
Will it work on husbands? Bosses? Co-workers?
These principles are used in business and industry all the time. It works.
© 2008
- Share:
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
