Go Stand in the Corner
Disciplining kids can be tricky. Parents try the old star chart, then scolding, punishing, maybe even a swat or two. Bad news: Alan Kazdin, the new president of the American Psychological Association, says none of it will help much. His new book, "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child: With No Pills, No Therapy, No Contest of Wills," in stores this week, lays out a different approach. He spoke with NEWSWEEK'S Peg Tyre.
How did parents get this wrong?
If you see a negative behavior in your child, you're going to respond. The behavior changes instantaneously. But in the long run, the response doesn't keep the behavior from happening again.
What do you suggest for a, uh, friend whose 7-year-old has a tantrum at bedtime?
The key is focusing on the behavior you want rather than on the behavior you don't. Then create situations where your child can practice that [good] behavior, even if you have to simulate or fake it.
You mean like playacting? Isn't that kind of weird?
Maybe. But good behavior needs to be practiced like a musical instrument. The more you practice, the more you get it down. It's not rocket science.
Will it work on husbands? Bosses? Co-workers?
These principles are used in business and industry all the time. It works.
© 2008
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Member Comments
Posted By: chambma517 @ 01/15/2008 7:26:37 PM
Comment: I find that most parents who have children who are just your average-normal-not-TOO-difficult children think that because their parenting method works with their children, it will work with all children. If you have a difficult child, you know that the normal disciplinary methods often don't work. While it doesn't make sense to us that a child would choose poor behavior knowing that negative consequences will result, it seems to be the case with difficult children. My son, for example, is so stubborn and determined to "win" that he doesn't care WHAT you take away from him. Negative consequences are pretty much ineffective. Spankings are laughed at unless you hit really hard and then you are edging too close to child abuse. I have not read Dr. Kazdin's work, but in reply to Dr. Johnny, positive reinforcement when you notice good behavior is not enough either. We have tried. I am planning on reading this book. Some children need a totally different approach and nothing traditional has worked so far.
Posted By: Dr. Johnny A @ 01/11/2008 10:32:11 AM
Comment: As a School Psychologist and Counseling Psychologist, I think the gist of Dr. Kazdin work is when you catch your kids doing appropriate things you should validate it. I don't think you can underestimate the power of reinforcement. Unfortunately in the schools it is much easier to see whe a kid violates rules than when he/she is doing what you expect.; it is to bad that this"gotcha" mentality persists. Hopefully, some administrator and parents will allow themselves the opportunity to really listen to their kids and catch the good moments and not overly focus on the negative aspects..
Posted By: T. R @ 01/10/2008 12:32:38 AM
Comment: WHat? disciplining wont help MUCH??
Does this Guy even have kids???
NO star chart???NO scolding???.NO punishment
Not even a swat or two???????
HELLO what land is he living in that standing in the corner, taking away the game boy, x-box, phone, computer access, or giving the kid a swift kick in the ass IS NOT EFFECTIVE??
ONE: He says that reaction to negative behavior will only change the behavior for that moment???but in the long run doesn't keep the behavior from happing again?????????
DUHHH you don't have to have a degree in Psychology to know that. You just have to have kids. Yes kid will test you, that's their job to see what is or isn't acceptable??? and then they will test you again at a different date to see how serious you actually where.. That's how they learn..Repitions is key.
TWO: To focus on the GOOD behavior rather then the bad???
THREE: He wants you to create a situation for you and your child to practice what good behavior is?????????..
WHAT is this man HIGH? SO lets say ???When my 1 year old is, flaying around on the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs she wants it (candy), and hits you in the face when you pick her up..YOU are supposed to say to her " You know I really liked when you where being good and listening to me, 5 seconds ago? (With a smile)??
Too keep this blog short I will not go in to other scenarios with my older kids???
Yes I do agree as parents we need to complement and acknowledge good behavior, to say please and thank you when we ask our kids to do something... We tend to forget the small little praises even for simple tasks and if we forget them all the time the only thing they ever hear is the negative. Who? wants to hear that all the time? Not me!
BUT???. If my kid is acting out??? I will take away privileges, stand them in the corner or give them a swift kick in the ass???in a heart beat. and if they do it again, same goes as last if not worse because I already told them once..
BUT in my travels and being a mother of 3,
I have found that phrase. " THAT..IS NOT ALLOWED" goes along way???and a swift kick in the ass goes even farther???