Letter To Dick Cheney

Call it Cheney Chic. I think we're all hungering for your kind of strong silent less-is-more politics. I know that some of your own skittish advisers have urged you to "loosen up." In Wilmington, Delaware, they handed you a baby. You shook the baby's hand. (I love that!) Those advisers are slaves to the ruling class of soccer moms who are currently holding our political system hostage and demanding puffy nonsense chitchat as ransom. You don't need me to warn you that if you give in to their demands for even a nanosecond, you'll stem the rise of Cheney Chic in an instant. (With all due respect to Oprah, you can "Renew Your Spirit" with Lynne, not on national TV.) So rest assured that we know where you're coming from. And we won't ask you to change a thing, should you accept our invitation. You won't have to read a top ten list. You won't have to kiss our host. You won't have to croon "My Way." You can talk about oil. You can talk about the military. You can talk about fly fishing.

And if it makes you happy, you can come sit on our couch … and not talk at all.

© 2000