the reason why the bulk memberships were purchased was in response to the idea that parents had disowned their kids for intermarrying. while it's certainly appreciated that the Rabbis are offering JDate memberships to single congregants, it should not be viewed as a panacea to familial ties that have been damaged due to the parents' unwillingness to grasp the reality that their son/daughter fell in love with a non-Jew. most Jews who intermarry do not do so intentionally, and many parents often fail to see that because they are so focused on one thing. the best thing to do is multi-task. the Rabbis should continue to offer JDate memberships (but not to push it on people), and also counsel the parents who are currently estranged from their intermarried offspring by letting them know that things will only be worse if they continue to shun their kids for not finding a nice Jewish boy/girl. recent studies show that outreach is far more effective than ostracizing. this is not to say completely give up on Jewish dating sites because, yes they do work. but be aware that not everyone who uses them will meet their match on the site, and not everyone will meet a Jewish match.
Sex and the Synagogue
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The rise of interfaith marriage is a sensitive issue among American Jews, and now two powerful forces in the religion are teaming up to do something about it: rabbis and JDate, the top matchmaking Web site for Jewish singles. For the first time in its 10-year history, the site is offering a bulk rate to rabbis who want to buy membership accounts for their congregants. According to Gail Laguna, JDate's vice president of communications, singles who sign up through their congregation get a slight discount on the site's $149 six-month subscription fee. "This is a way for us to break down the walls of the synagogue," said Rabbi Michael Cahana, who leads the Congregation Beth Israel in Portland, Ore. "We should use all the technological tools that are available to us."
The rabbis who negotiated the bulk rate are also picking up the tab. Since September, Rabbi Donald Weber of Temple Rodeph Torah in Marlboro, N.J., has paid out of his own pocket for 24 six-month subscriptions. Cahana and Rabbi Kenneth Emert of Temple Beth Rishon in Wyckoff, N.J., who purchased a dozen three-month memberships, anted up for single congregants using money from their synagogues' discretionary budget. "When I heard that another rabbi was putting his money where his mouth is, I did too," says Emert, whose offer includes just one stipulation: "No mothers, no grandmothers." Singles, in other words, have to sign up themselves. The financial aid is appreciated. If not for Emert, says 29-year-old public-interest lawyer Noah Mamber, "I would have had to choose between JDate and food."
The rabbis say they felt compelled to act because of the gradual dilution of the faith through marriage. Almost half of American Jews marry non-Jews, a rate of exodus that has more than tripled since 1970. "This is about creating an opportunity," says Cahana. Sometimes even Cupid needs a nudge.
© 2008
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