Newsmakers: Hasselhoff, Kevin Smith

The Hoff is back, as a judge on the summer hit "America's Got Talent." The "Baywatch" star spoke to NEWSWEEK's Ramin Setoodeh.

Yesterday I Googled my name. There were 7.9 million references. There's so much crap out there about me being the Antichrist.

I don't know. This is not my cup of tea. I signed on for one season, and Simon Cowell conned me into it: "Here's a lot of money, and it's like 'The Gong Show'." I'm trying to get on a sitcom or maybe even my own show, "Travels With the Hoff."

It's about growing up since I was 7 and realizing a dream. But when I was out trying to save the world, I forgot to save myself.

I was in London, shaving. I guess the hotel was built for short people. I lifted my head, and broke the lamp. One piece sliced my hand like beef. So I went into Mitch Buchannon rescue mode, "What's the number for 911 in London?" The tabloids make so much stuff up. I was at Wimbledon, and they said I was escorted out drunk.

Absolutely not. I don't drink anymore. Right now I'm making breakfast for my daughters. [ To someone ] Stop it!

My dog. He's carrying a bone and my computer.

I actually have Speedos on now. I wear them as underwear, because I have so many left over.

Who said that? They're liars. I made more.

It all began with an innocent reference to donkey sex. Writer-director Kevin Smith and "Good Morning America" 's Joel Siegel traded insults after the film critic stormed out of a "Clerks II" screening, bellowing to the audience, "This is the first movie I've walked out on in 30 f---ing years!" (A line about bestiality set him off.) Smith objected on his Web site--not because Siegel left, but because he didn't go quietly. Siegel apologized. Reached through his publicist, the donkey declined to comment.

Devin Gordon

Our recurring feature ... recurs. we stare down the never-ending lava flow of celebrity journalism by relating the hottest possible news in the fewest possible words. This week, a special all-marital edition, featuring Kevin and Britney, Kid and Pamela, and Christie and that guy she married after Billy Joel.

Like I told Lauer,

marriage is awesome.

K-Fed: I'm a slave 4 U.

Marriage didn't work

for Carmen Electra, but

then she's kinda wild.

Husband No. 4 hires

a hot teenage "singer."

Bring on No. 5.

Devin Gordon