Newsverse: Don't Pat the Bunning

Every week our Newsverse minions
Read the papers, sift opinions,
Surf the Web to find reliable
News that meets Newsversifiable
Standards. We cannot waste time with
Stuff we cannot make a rhyme with.
Mitch McConnell—sure he’s funny
But we’ll lay you even money
You can’t versify his name
Without doing something lame.
This is Newsverse, not some game!

Which is why we thought it stunning
The opportunities for punning
When we read about Jim Bunning
Hall of Famer, R-Kentucky
Boy, did we feel glad and lucky.
For his sheer ferocity.
Like Wordsworth with the daffodil
Or Keats, observing time stood still
For the lovers on the urn
Now, at last, was our turn
For immortality.

Yes, we admit it, we were avid
To make a rhyme with “Bunning Rabid”
And passed the hours counting jugs
And other things that rhyme with “Bugs.”
Don’t Pat the Bunning. He might chop
Your fingers off. The Bunning hop . . .
Well, anyway, you get the gist
And with a simple verbal twist
The Bunning turns into a Tiger
Setting off our humor Geiger
Counter, we were sorely itching
To make a joke about his pitching
Beanballs, strikeouts, brushbacks, walks
Dare we say it? “Bunning Balks.”

But then for all his stupid bluster
He had to end his filibuster.
And like the idle tourists’ dimes
In a fountain, squandered rhymes
Glitter just beyond our touch
Maybe greatness was too much
To hope for.

Well, let’s find an angle
On Harold Ford or Charlie Rangel.

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