When the ocean fills with crud
When your nose is dripping blood
When your basement starts to flood
You should just apply some mud!
Slather it on cuts and bruises!
When an oil well leaks or oozes
Don’t make speeches or excuses
Mud is what the expert chooses.
When they’re calling you a snob,
When you’ve done a heckuva job,
Brownish grows the oily blob.
Only mud can calm the mob.
Taken by the barge or pill
Mud can do a tip-Top Kill.
Dump some on the nearest spill.
And the rest on Kim Jong-il.