By Jerry Adler
Beware of brokers bearing bonds
Who only seek to game us.
Don't get caught with sexy blondes
If married, rich, and famous.
If you hear ticking, move your a--
Get far away and stay low.
Don't hang around if you smell gas
On an oil rig or volcano.
If you're a bird, I hope you've heard
About your beach vacation.
The gulf is like a giant turd
Cancel that migration!
Hew the straight and narrow path
And you'll stay out of trouble.
Except for gum, or in a bath
Don't get caught in a bubble.
Build your house up high beyond
Where rivers flood when storming.
Don't swim naked in a pond
In case of global warming.
Don't eat too many sour quinces
They're awful for your liver.
And don't put all your faith in princes
They'll sell you down the river.