Newsverse: Save the Humans

—headline on a press release from the Natural Resources Defense Council announcing that the International Whaling Commission was postponing action on a plan to allow the resumption of whale hunting.

Bathed in oil and drowned in debt
Filled with loathing and regret
Newsverse cast a giant net
For news to rally round.

The Afghan war, the Gulf Coast spill,
The housing crash, the bailout bill,
Cast their shadows, dank and chill—
But look at what we found!

Good news for whales! The situation
Is looking up for some cetacean
Who won’t face extermination
To be sold off by the pound.

At least not yet, or not until
Another vote is held, but still
For now it’s all krill, baby, krill!
Surface, splash, and sound!

Just be careful where you blow
Check for oil. You never know.
What may look like H2O
Just might be benzene

And, we know, it sounds bizarre
But if your plankton tastes of char
Check it’s not a ball of tar
To gum up your baleen.

Anyway, the news is great,
You won’t be on a sushi plate.
And we entrust our species’ fate
To a robot submarine.