Newsverse: Welcome to the Club, Rand Paul

"At one time people used to think of golf, and golf courses, and golf clubs as being exclusive. But I think in recent years, now you see a lot of people playing golf ... I think Tiger Woods has helped to broaden that, in the sense that he's brought golf to a lot of the cities." —Republican senatorial nominee from Kentucky Rand Paul, on why it wasn't inconsistent with his populist message to hold his victory party at a country club.

What we Americans all need

Is someone who can stand tall

For the noble cause of greed

Like Ron, or even Rand Paul.


He's got his, so go get yours,

Take the country back today!

Privatize the out-of-doors:

Tee-Party up and swing away!


From country clubs across the land

Hear the people's urgent call!

They're all listening to Ayn Rand

And her namesake, young Rand Paul.


Storm the Washington elites!

Drive them out into the gutter!

Drown them out with angry tweets!

Bash them with your wedge or putter!


And kids in teeming inner-city

Country-clubless neighborhoods

Where greens are rough and sand traps gritty

Dream of being Tiger Woods.


When at last the nation harks

To Rand, or even Ron Paul

We'll sell off the public parks

And there'll be country clubs for all.

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