"You can be a Muslim and support democracy." Human-rights activist Shirin Ebadi, on winning the 2003 Nobel Peace Prize. She's the first Muslim woman and the first Iranian to receive the accolade.

"You got yo whole neighborhood addicted to crack. Collect $50." A card from Ghettopoly, a spoof of the popular board game Monopoly. The un-P.C. version has outraged black leaders, who called for a boycott of Urban Outfitters, a clothing-store chain that was selling it.

"The spermatozoon can easily pass through the 'net' that is formed by the condom." Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, the president of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family, telling people in countries stricken by AIDS not to use condoms, despite a widespread scientific consensus that condoms are impermeable to the HIV virus

"I've got all your records!" A breathless Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, to Latin heartthrob Ricky Martin, who was in Washington to talk to lawmakers about the exploitation of children

"Arnold, if you ever need advice on the state of California or want to grope another girl, call me." Porn star Mary Carey, conceding the California gubernatorial election to Arnold Schwarzenegger

"I'll write myself a note." Kobe Bryant's rape-trial attorney Pamela Mackey, after being chastised for breaking the judge's decorum order by using the accuser's name six times in a preliminary hearing

"Or I can go get the muzzle." Kobe Bryant Judge Frederick Gannett, offering his own solution

"There are two ways for you to have lower prescription-drug costs. One is you could hire Rush Limbaugh's housekeeper... or you can elect me president." Presidential hopeful John Kerry, discussing health care in a Phoenix Democratic debate

"My concern is that the city cat won't make it in the country. He's going to have no jazz, no hip-hop. He's going to miss the Harlem Renaissance." Harlem, N.Y., resident Lynette Braxton, on the 350-pound tiger that mauled its owner, who kept the animal in his Harlem apartment with a five-foot reptile called a caiman

"Really, if I had an opportunity to shoot Britney Spears, I think I would." Maryland First Lady Kendel Ehrlich, on the pop princess. She has since clarified that she was just kidding.

"I would tell people to love their bodies as they are." Susan Nighswonger, who recently had her silicone breast implants removed. This week the FDA will hold hearings that may lead to lifting of the restrictions on silicone-implant sales.

"I have creatively spent every day trying to show that I'm not that guy anymore." John Stamos, on his days costarring with the Olsen twins on the family heart warmer "Full House"