The Rime of the Ancient Stockbroker

By Jerry Adler

It is an ancient stockbroker
He’s drinking Coke and Jacks.
“Hey, I know you,” the banker said.
“You worked at Goldman Sachs.

“You swung a big one, so I heard
Way back in the day.
But here I came to watch the game
And now you’re in my way.”

The stockbroker held up a hand
And ordered J&B
He fixed the banker with a stare
“There was a bond,” quoth he.

“Something called a CDO
A total sack of doody
But anyway, a Triple-A
From S&P and Moody.”

“I fear you, ancient stockbroker!
I fear you’ll get me fired!
You’re in the tank with Barney Frank.
I think you might be wired.”

“We flogged it up and down the Street
And lots of other places
And no one thought that what they’d bought
Might blow up in their faces.”

“Chill out, ancient stockbroker!
Get up off the floor!
Why look’st thou so?” “That CDO—
I sold to my brother-in-law!

“And when the housing boom went bust
I had nowhere to hide.
Instead of a bow, the CDO
Around my neck was tied.

“Houses, houses everywhere
And the market sure did stink
Houses, houses everywhere
I had to see a shrink.

“And now I go from bar to bar
From Greenwich to Penn Station
And I try to steer, for the price of a beer
Young bankers from temptation.”

The banker stared into his glass
“I hope you get some takers,”
He slowly said, then shook his head.
“Now, let me watch the Lakers.”