Rocky Onboard, McCain Informs the Country That He Is, In Fact, Gonna Fly Now

 Contributed by Holly Bailey

The biggest news on the campaign trail today is not the smackdown between Bill Clinton and Barack Obama or the almost too close to call Florida GOP primary. This morning came word that John McCain has gotten the endorsement of Sylvester Stallone.

That’s right: Rambo digs the Straight Talk. “I like McCain a lot. A lot,” the actor told Fox News. “You know, things may change along the way, but there’s something about matching the character with the script. And right now, the script that’s being written and reality is pretty brutal and pretty hard edged like a rough action film, and you need somebody who’s been in that to do deal with it.” Dude!

Sly does have a point: That script, I mean the world, is a scary place. It’s hard to imagine a ‘roided up Mitt Romney or Mike Huckabee parachuting into the jungle with a pocketful of grenades and a makeshift crossbow and ripping the hearts out of bad guys. Rudy Giuliani, maybe. Or Ron Paul, if he ditched the blimp, that is. (The Viet Cong—er, fundamentalist terrorists—would spot that thing a mile away and blow it straight out of the sky.) But we could definitely see McCain, a former POW, going Rambo on the enemy—rep tie cinched tight around his forehead, sleeves ripped off his Brooks Brothers oxford.

In some ways, the endorsement is fitting. McCain’s is a longtime boxing aficionado, and he’s been marching up on stage these days to the Rocky theme, “Gonna Fly Now,” which is, hands down, one of the best movie songs ever. When he heard Stallone was in his corner, McCain declared he was going to go run the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum to celebrate. He also had a word of warning for Chuck Norris, the action hero who has endorsed Huckabee, and who has been trash talking McCain lately as too old to be president. “Look out Chuck Norris, Sylvester’s coming after you!” McCain said this morning, gritting his teeth and shaking his fist. “He’s coming after you, and he’s going to get you!”

Asked later if he’d ask Stallone to campaign for him, McCain replied in the affirmative. “I'd love to have him,” McCain told reporters on his bus. “I’m a huge fan.” Oh really? Asked by Newsweek if he’d enjoyed Stallone’s lesser-known works, like "Tango & Cash,” an unfortunate effort co-starring Kurt Russell, McCain laughed and said he’s always found Stallone’s films to be “intellectually stimulating.” Good answer, Senator. Straight talk isn’t always the best way to go. Just ask Clubber Lang.