1. Cleveland Rocks!
For the third time in four seasons, the ping pong balls bounce the right way for the Cavaliers as they win the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft (You think the league has finished apologizing to Cleveland for "The Decision" now?). No word on who the Cavs will select, as owner Dan Gilbert has yet to be confronted by a homeless man since the announcement.
2. The "L" Train
Masahiro Tanaka suffers his first loss, or "L", in 639 days. The Yankees' rookie ace by way of Japan had not been beaten in 42 consecutive starts... but then he ran into the Chicago Cubs. Of course.
3. Put up! You're Dukes!
(The judges would have also accepted "Duke of Ear(l)")
A dugout scuffle between two Albuquerque Dukes teammates, Miguel Olivo and Alex Guerrero, quickly escalated to Tysonian levels when Olivo bit off part of Guerrero's ear. The Dukes are the Los Angeles Dodgers' Triple A affiliate.
4. Heat Wave
Down 73-69 in Game 2 with a little over six minutes to play, LeBron James and Dwyane Wade personally outscore the Indiana Pacers 18-10 the rest of the way to knot the series at one game apiece.
5. 52 Pick-up
The NFL awards Minnesota, which is building a $1 billion covered stadium, Super Bowl LII in 2018. The average temperature in the Twin Cities in early February is 17 degrees.