shit is absolutely tuesday! easily confused!!
— olivia taters (@oliviataters) May 6, 2014
It is Eternal Tuesday. It is 2:00 on Tuesday afternoon for me right now where I am, and I feel like it always will be, because that is the essence of 2:00 pm on Tuesday. It is a sudden hole you fall into, the nadir when Monday's foolish optimism has fully worn off but you have not yet really begun climbing up what increasingly looks like the impossible hill of the rest of the week. Here is a trailer for Full House, if it were a horror film.
Elon Green dissects the chances of Halperin and Heilemann not being garbage for Bloomberg (Spoiler: slim!). "But the success of Bloomberg Politics is by no means a forgone conclusion," says Dylan Byers in Politico, but as I have already forgone concluding that, I would have to disagree.
Monica Lewinsky, who is dear god 40 years old now, can it really have been that long ago, will tell her story in the May 8th Vanity Fair. She also took a moment to call out Beyoncé which is either recklessly insane or a brilliant publicity strategy, depending on how this turns out. Either way, there will be tabs.
Hedge fund managers are absurdly rich. Rich enough that they're probably already keeping themselves alive by having Youngs sewn onto them. I guess we should feel sorry for them, that they never learned what Kickstarter assures the rest of us: that there are so many things more important to us than money. Still though, everybody knows the way to real wealth is to be a serious professional writer. Consult the new Scratch Mag and you'll be pulling down those four 0s in no time.
Since his bizarre twitter rant and unceremonious firing (quitting? "departure?") from Paypal, Rakesh "Rocky" Agrawal has continued to tweet in mystifying but grandiose fashion. Rob Pegoraro met him for dinner and reports that he seems of sound mind. I'm personally torn between "meth" and "lol tech asshole" as the final explanation.
Elsewhere in Tech: Heidi Roizen on what it's like to be a woman in the C-suite. Internet backbone carrier Level-3 pulls no punches writing about what net neutrality is really about. Turns out it's our monopoly cable companies screwing us because we let them. (We don't have to!) A U-2 spy plane triggered an air traffic control system glitch and shut down LAX. It was not a 32-bit number overflow, though, just the result of a baffling series of acronyms. Looks like Y Combinator's Sam Altman didn't fall far from the Paul Graham tree: "All the growth in the economy right now is in tech, and the only thing that is working is tech." Lol. Tumblr faces dire new austerity measures under Yahoo; can only afford one phone for executives to share. Twitter employees are cashing out so hard the stock is crashing. It's down more than 16% right now. The New Yorker on Soylent, which I guess is still a thing? I thought that was over already but ok.
Hey publicists/editors, I am very sad.
— knguyen ebooks (@knguyen_ebooks) May 6, 2014
Today in Hoaxes: The reported results of the Crimean annexation vote were a hoax unless it is this sketchy Forbes post that is the real hoax. Adrian Chen on Twitter credibility: "Nobody in history has ever tweeted a photo with the exclamation, 'You need to see this picture—it’s so credible!'" Why does anyone believe Facebook when it says it won't do something shady? Facebook liiiiiieeeeeees.
And finally, in today's depressing wrap-up, Amber Costley and Andre Torrez's image-sharing social network Mlkshk is shutting down on September 1st. Mlkshk always deserved to be more successful than it was, but it's beloved by many and it is sad to see it come to an end. Torrez and Costley are putting on a veritable clinic in how to end a community gracefully, and it will surely not be the last thing we learn from them. Let's hear it for future whimsy.
— Matt Haughey (@mathowie) May 6, 2014
Today's Song: Stream the New Black Keys album Turn Blue and get your Dad rock on.
~I’m a lonely boy, oh, oh-oh, I got a tab that keeps me waiting~
It's a little after 3 now and Today in Tabs is starting to think we can survive this week. Find out by looking for us on Newsweek or email. Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel Air.
ugh i just got the mayo joke and now I’m really mad
— Amber (@missambear) May 5, 2014